Cash Wedding Gifts?

(edited because WW ate my response??)

Thanks for the further thoughtful clarifications, everyone! My wedding guests beyond FH and family are an even mix of Asian (some are old school, others not) and non-Asian background so I am feeling more confident now how to approach the idea of a wedding registry and will certainly have that on hand if people request it (is it truly okay to put it on the website? I don't want to trip up again!)

Ms. B --> Mrs L: Oh! That's good to know! My FH is first generation Filipino but isn't too connected to the culture and didn't know if they followed the cash or gift tradition when I asked him.

Not to sound off putting but in today's society I don't think it is inappropriate to ask for money instead of a physical gift. Most people are living together and waiting for a while to get married....they already have a house full of things....it would be more acceptable to set up a registry if the couple is really young and just starting out and really don't have much.

Setup a small registry and have a place for all the hongbao to go (card box, designated person, etc.) per the usual custom and you'll be set! If your mom takes issue even with your small registry, just tell her it is the American custom and you wanted to incorporate both!

FACE PALM!

Alicia - I disagree. I think it's always inappropriate to ask for money. I don't think society is changing that fast. Money is still a taboo subject.

Treat it like any wedding, just don't have a registry and the word will get out if the majority of guests will give cash.

No need to ask for anything. Almost all Chinese guests will know to give cash if they have ever attended a wedding.

We are doing the same thing and we are Chinese.

If you do have some non-cultural (cash-giving) guests, set up a small registry for them.

I think it is generational and cultural. My parents always give cash gifts, even if there is a registry. If there is a registry, I always pick something from the registry.

Make a small registry. Don't ask for cash.

I added it to my website and not on my wedding invitations.

However my MOH added it to shower invite.

If you come from a culture that gives money, they will give money even if you have a registry. I have been to numerous differently cultured weddings and none of them had any physical gifts given at the actual wedding, only cards. Keep in mind that there may be people that will give you a physical gift no mater what and that you must be gracious even if it's not something you want or are used to.

MrsPerk- Why are you welcoming someone to a group that you're not part of?

I have done many, many weddings with one partner or both who were Chinese. Apparently, the astrology was great for weddings over the last few years!

You're right in your statement that most Chinese guests will give money; that's the key...they know that they want to do that, and you don't need to remind them in any way, nor should you set up a honeymoon registry. They will arrive with the traditional red envelopes and all is well.

If you are having a traditional tea ceremony, that's when they are exchanged. (When I've seen that happen, the tea ceremony is usually at the same venue as the ceremony, but held about an hour before). It is printed on the invitation or a separate invitation is given.

If not, your guests who are used to this will find a time during the night to give them to you.

I'd make a small registry for guests who would prefer to give you an actual present.

For those of you who were a little blunt in your answers, this really is a cultural norm for Chinese couples and I think the OP was just trying to navigate the perilous water between old tradition and new tradition.

OP, your guests will know what to do. No worries.

@StarKitty: some background/perspective for you...

My mom was born and raised in Hong Kong, but married my dad (who is from Connecticut) when she was 19--as such is very Americanized in her thinking. Her younger sister married a Chinese man and they live in NY, but their children definitely had more traditional Chinese lifestyle and upbringing than my brothers and I did. When their daughter (my cousin) got married 15 years ago, she had a traditional Chinese wedding, complete with tea ceremony. The invitation to the wedding did not indicate gifts/money anywhere on it, but all the Chinese who attended the wedding automatically brought money in red envelopes, or jewelry because that was custom. My cousin did not realize that the few Americans that attended would be more likely to bring gifts, and she did not know to set up a registry. So I think she kind of ended up with a hodgepodge of presents (my mom brought happened to bring her a KitchenAid with all the trimmings since that is always her gift of choice

I think your best bet would be to set up a registry and have it available on your website. But do not make mention of the registry on your invitation--just have the link to your website somewhere in the invitation itself. I think your Chinese relatives will automatically know what is custom to gift you with. Best of luck to you in your wedding planning!

This is the wrong place to ask about this. Set up a small registry but also ask your family for guidance on the cash element. ETA: words are hard this morning for some reason...

I'm Chinese too, first generation, and marrying a Chinese guy...that being said I plan to set up a small gift registry for the more Americanized crowd on FH's side and expect to see a bunch of red envelopes in my card box

I'm from Taiwan and one of the "traditions" is to have an extra attendant collecting money at the entrance and keeping track of the money and who gifted how much... I'm going with a card box instead lol less hassle... just need to do trial runs to make sure red envelopes fit

I'm Vietnamese and there is most certainly a belief of giving money to the couple. It's "an investment into the new couple, house, future kids,etc." (what my gma said) I will also be doing a small registry since FH is American and his family would like their culture recognized with bridal showers, etc.

I'm first gen Chinese and I did the whole traditional wedding down to the tea ceremony and door games. Just set up a card box with your guestbook table and people will know what to do. I didn't mention anything beforehand and I received 99% cash. You don't have to set up a registry. But please don't go around asking that you prefer cash.

Well, if its normal for your family to give cash, they will give cash. You don't need to tell them anything.

Thank you, everyone! It’s been good to get perspective on all sides on this matter. My mom was very appalled by the idea of a registry, saying that it was extremely rude and demanding to have one at all. It was pretty much the opposite side of the same exact coin: the universal message being that the couple doesn't dictate what and how much people give out of the kindness of their hearts to help the couple with their futures together. So now I've seen both sides!

I’m confident now that I can navigate this with explaining to my family why I will make a small registry to have on my website even if it seems rude to them and I’ll be having fun making my card / hong bao box. Of course I will be gracious with all of this.

@Alicia That was part of the reason why I was uncertain about the cash thing myself since that would make sense for me for couples who have already started building their lives together (which is kind of the case for me). But from the response in this topic, it seems that it’d be good to just let people ask me or tease that out for themselves rather than me telling them en mass.

@MrsPerk I understand what you mean; welcoming me to the WW group. Haha.

@Celia Milton Yes, you’ve hit the nail on the head. I just wanted to find a balance for both sides! Like many first-generation people, my understanding of both cultures (in my case, Chinese/Taiwanese and American) is an uneven mix rather than a complete and full understanding of both so it’s certainly been a journey.

@Kir112 Thank you for your insight! I must say that a KitchenAid is an awesome gift so it must have been a good surprise even if it wasn’t expected!

@Alice Oh nice! My family is also from Taiwan! Yes, I think a card box is a better idea in this case. It seems like it would be more appealing than handing to an attendant directly since they’d be mixed in with cards and not be taken note right there.

@ Tina That is what my mom said too about the reasoning behind money as a gift!

@ Mia Thank you for your insight! It’s really good to hear from someone who has done this themselves and how it turned out.

To those with harsh words, this is purely cultural. No one in China gives boxed gifts for weddings. You’ll get the side eye there, completely opposite that of Western weddings. The poster was simply asking for guidance on how to navigate these two cultures. For me, we are not mentioning anything. People who know will give cash/check. We may set up a registery so we can refer people to it should they ask.