Cash bar or no midnight buffet ?

Do not have a cash bar. No guest should have to open their wallet at your wedding. I would find a way to cut costs elsewhere so that you and FH can properly wine and dine your guests.

Open bar all the way. I have no idea what a midnight seafood table is.. sounds odd and I’d rather have drinks than fish at bedtime!

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I just loled at this. I love the way you phrased that! Hahaha

The pp cost for what you're currently planning to get sounds great. If it's in budget, I think it's reasonable to go for it, especially since you and FH have already decided that venue (and therefore food and drink) is one of the places you were going to prioritize in your budget. Realistically, food and drink should be your biggest cost. It's ideal to prioritize in your budget the areas that affect your guests' experience (such as food, drink, and music) because guests benefit way more from good food, good drinks, and great music, but are hardly going to remember which flowers or decor you had.

If you're pushing the budget with this package, though, and doing things like cutting favors and programs or keeping decor costs to a minimum won't cover the cost of both the open bar and the midnight buffet, then cut the midnight buffet. Having a cash bar will be very noticeable to your guests. Skipping the midnight buffet, though, will have a minimal effect on your guests' enjoyment. We had a late night snack buffet, and by that point in the evening, our guests were already stuffed from all the other food they'd had during cocktail hour, dinner, and dessert. We only know of three guests that actually got something to eat when the late night snack was put out.

I would guess that seafood at midnight won't go over well with many guests and I would also guess that several guests will have left by then. A snack that late is nice, but not seafood. Have the open bar and make your guests very happy.

Open bar all the way. That honestly sounds like far far too much food for so late at night.

I won't eat seafood. If you do a cash bar then I use the money I would have given as a gift to pay for my drinks.

I’d skip the midnight buffet...or scale it back. At no point should guests have to pull out their wallet in my opinion!

Personally I think midnight is too late for snacks, especially fish. I would definitely keep the open bar and if you have to compromise, drop the seafood table and maybe even the sweets table.

View Quoted Comment See no, that's the problem. About 65% of the guests are my family and 23% of the guests are his family. The rest are our friends who aren't in the bridal party. So my family and some of my friends will be there until the end. Some will leave at 1 after the midnight buffet, but they will all be expecting it. I've never been to a family wedding that didn't have the midnight buffet. I think we should keep both because its something my culture does.

You should compromise when planning a wedding. Even if you had this idea before he proposed and it is common where you are from, the wedding is about both of you, not just about one of you. Personally, I would not make guests pay for drinks, but would consider reducing the amount of food late at night. If you're having a 4-course meal, there isn't any obligation to provide food - especially a type of food that sounds filling and expensive - late at night. I understand your reasoning for wanting this type of wedding, but you need to have the attitude that it is equally about both of you, since it is the start of a partnership.

You want a mariachi band because it's part of your culture. You want a midnight seafood buffet because it's part of your culture. Those are fine things, but what have you done to incorporate your FH's wishes or culture?

I understand the culture thing but if you need to cut something that is what I would cut. Can you scale it back? Not offer much? Is there a cheaper alternative? There are numerous types of seafood so instead of say lobster and crab you have fish nuggets and popcorn shrimp. It’s srill seafood t just cheaper.

View Quoted Comment Irish Dancers at the wedding. His mom runs an Irish dance school and they both want that for the wedding. I said OK. And we are looking having bagpipes for the wedding recession.

I'm not really seeing why a cash bar comes into play here or what that has to do with anything else you've mentioned? I've also never heard of a midnight seafood buffet, which I find entirely unnecessary, if you've served a full meal at dinner time.

Do not, under any circumstances, have a cash bar, and you don't need a midnight seafood buffet. I don't know anyone that wants to eat fish at midnight. That's not drunk munchies food.

Just curious- what is the culture that has midnight seafood buffets?

I’m going to be super blunt.
If I attend a wedding with a mariachi band, Irish dancers, and bagpipes, but I have to pay for my drinks, I’d be really annoyed. It would be so obvious to me that the couple prioritized themselves over their guests.
Catered food and free beer and wine are basics of hosting. Mariachi bands, Irish dancers, and bagpipes are all things you add on if the basics are already well taken care of and you have room in your budget.
Your priorities here are wrong. Host an open bar - it doesn’t have to be top shelf. Pick 2 (or even 1) of those entertainment extras instead of all 3. Have your midnight buffet but scale it back.
But do NOT have a cash bar. Guests should never have to open their wallets at your wedding. And you may think family and friends will stay that late with a cash bar, but I’m guessing a lot won’t. Or people will be sneaking booze in, which could get you in trouble with your venue and cause lots of problems in terms of intoxication.
My well off cousin got married. They had a lot of “extras.” But they also had a cash bar. You know what people remember about that wedding 8 years later? The cash bar. And it still gets brought up occasionally. “Remember when John had the cash bar at his wedding?” “Yeah that sucked.”

View Quoted Comment There is no mariachi band. Never said there was. Its one person assuming I'm Mexican.

View Quoted Comment I'm half Italian, quarter Portuguese and quarter Spaniard.

View Quoted Comment Sorry, misread. But that’s not the point.
I’ve been to Italian weddings. They’re ginormous. They alwaaaaaays have an open bar. You said that part is also your culture. People are going to be way more annoyed about having to pay for drinks than they will be about a scaled back midnight buffet.
Why not just offer desserts and no fish?

View Quoted Comment I don't want a cash bar but I don't want to give up the midnight buffet. You are right. Why should we have Irish dancers and bagpipes if he feels we should choose between scraping the buffet or having cash bar.