Can't make it to my best friend's wedding

Do you have anytime to save until then? Being a bridesmaid is expensive, I know that. If there was anyway you could save to drive there maybe?

I am so sorry you are in this situation. You have to make the choice that is best for your family and a true friend will understand. Try to be there for her in other ways, such as calling her frequently to discuss the planning process and offering emotional support. Wedding planning is stressful and being an ear for her may be one of the best ways you can support her. She cannot justifiably be mad at you for not having the money to go and she alone made the choice to be a part of your wedding, however emotions run high during the planning process so allow her time to process. Are you able to afford attending as a guest and not as part of the wedding party? Maybe see if there’s a way for you to be involved that is more economical or accept the offer she is giving you. If not, be there for her emotionally as much as you can.

I would absolutely try to budget. She’s being more than accommodating and really trying to have you there by her side and you declining everything makes it seem (to me) that you really don’t want to go. If you need help and can’t budget and respect your friendship, accept the help she’s offering and make her wedding a good time with you being there.

Oh this is rough. And if I'm being honest I would be ticked at you too, especially since the weddings are in the same year. But if you can't make it, you can't make it, be sure to send a nice gift and card prior to the wedding.

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I completely agree with this! She clearly wants you there and is willing to do whatever it takes. I think you should either save the money yourself or accept her offer.

I offered to pay for my bridesmaids things. I told them upfront that if they gave me a budget and I couldn't stick to it, I would happily help out. I also said to each of them individually that if they were saying no due to cost, I would help out. It was that important to me that they stand up there with me. If any of them had still said no , I would've been pretty crushed. A friend who is close enough to be in my wedding party is a friend close enough to accept some financial help, if it's important to me.

You guys should definitely save up and be there. She made that sacrifice for you.

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I third on this! If she is offering options is because they can and are willing to help!

If you don't want to be complete burden (which doesn't seem they feel that way) you can go alone, or pay for hotel only, or dress only, or flight only.

If I was her I would be thinking you really don't want to be there. I know it is hard to accept financial help from other people, but this is your best friend doing all that's possible to have you stand by her on her wedding day. Besides, when you told her your real issue, and was honest, you then opened the door for her to offer a solution, and there's nothing wrong with either thing.

I think her comments are more because she is upset than anything else. If the problem as just an "uneven" number, she would have found a much cheaper solution. She is, in between the lines, crying out for you to see her side and accept her offers.

View Quoted Comment That's my thought too. It kind of comes across as the OP just doesn't want to participate. I'm sure it's not ideal to accept money from a friend's parent but if she asked her parents or discussed it with them and they offered to help them she clearly wants her friend to be there. I'm a bit confused by parts of this post. Seems like certain things don't really make sense. Not knowing your MOH parents is one that stuck out. I would imagine if my MOH was anyone other than my sister that it would be someone close enough to me that I've met and been around her family before.

View Quoted Comment This is exactly what I think too. To her, it sounds like you just don’t want to go, even when there are solutions to the problem. I can understand not being comfortable with borrowing money or letting someone else pay, but if it was between being at or missing my best friend’s wedding, I’d take any help I could get.

View Quoted Comment I don’t think OP doesn’t want to participate, I think she probably just doesn’t want to accept someone’s monetary offer. Yes, it’s kind of the bride and her family to offer, but she’s of no obligation to accept. She let her friend know and if the bride isnt understanding of how she is then it’s not OP’s fault.
OP, I think you need to do what you feel is best. If that’s not attending, don’t attend. If it’s accepting the offer for them to pay then let it happen and attend. I’m the type that doesn’t accept those kind of offers, because it seems like strings are always attached. (Plus pride issues lol) So I understand where you’re coming from. It’s tough.

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I totally get where you're coming from, but they offered to let her pay them back or even not at all. If she honestly cares about her friend's feelings, she can suck up the pride aspect a bit and accept the offer. We all need help from time to time and I know it sucks but my friend is doing this exact thing to me and it's definitely not fun for me to hear no from her when I've offered to pay for everything for her. It's not a pity thing it's a "Hey, I really want you here to the point that I'm willing to take on the costs to get you here" so by still hearing no when the bride is basically begging you to come, it comes off as she just doesn't want to go.

You knew her wedding was in October, accepted being in the wedding and should have set aside enough money to pay for the expenses for her wedding.

I'd be pissed at you too. You spent all your money on your wedding without a thought to paying for being at her wedding. She's provided option after option and you refuse all of them. Get a summer job, a part time job and save everything you earn to be in her wedding.

I'm probably gonna be an odd man out here. The general mantra on WW is "Don't go into debt for your wedding". So it seems absurd to me now, that you're being advised in the same forums to stack on to mounds of debt you already have for someone else's wedding.

On some level, I understand where your BFF is coming from because for my wedding mine was in the same position you are. She has mounds of debt and was out of work at the time. I never conferred with her about her budget because I knew it didn't exist. I simply paid for everything from the beginning (except her hotel, which she insisted) because having her there was important for me. I literally budgeted her presence into my wedding expenses and would never expect her to pay me back.

However, if this person is truly your best friend, then she should be able to to understand that the financial burden is too much AND respect the fact that you are uncomfortable accepting money (which is totally normal). Call her, and explain again that you would love to attend and you appreciate her more than generous offer to cover the expenses, but you're not comfortable with it and don't want to risk damaging the friendship. An honest heart to heart conversation should work wonders for both of you.

It seems to me that the bride just really wants her best friend to be there and is doing everything she can to have you there...if it was me and I was the bride I would be really dissapointed and just hurt if my best friend said no repeatedly after I was showing every effort to make it possible for you to attend...I think you should save as much as you can or accept the monetary offer. I can't imagine getting married without my best friends and I would, like her, do and offer whatever I could to have the people I love most surround me on my big day. Don't let pride ruin your friendship. It's about perspective. Accepting the monetary offer does not have to be "charity". It can just be an acceptance of a generous gift from a friend who wants to honor you as one of the most important people in her life. If you feel more comfortable, offer to just accept the monetary offer for yourself and not your husband.

View Quoted Comment The issue in this situation is that even if she’s honest with her friend now, she wasn’t when she should have been. Student loan debt, credit card debt, and a lack of a full time steady job didn’t happen yesterday for OP. All of these things were already factors when she accepted being a BM in her friend’s wedding. If she had been honest at the start, her friend probably would have been fine. To turn around 4 months before the wedding and change your mind though? Obviously her friend is going to be really hurt by that.

I would not go. I'm sorry, I don't think being someone's friend obligates you to spending $xxx(x), especially if you don't have it. A wedding is just one day in your lives. If that's literally what ruins a friendship, then the friendship isn't worth much.

Send a nice gift. Be her shoulder for planning. Offer to help as much as possible. Be the best long distance bridesmaid you can. But I wouldn't go into debt for my own wedding, let alone someone else's!

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This!

OP, I'm sure your friend didn't have ton of cash laying around to spend on your wedding but, she budgeted appropriately to be there to support you so I can understand her being annoyed that you didn't do the same for her. Not saying you need to go into (further) debt for her wedding but, she has given you lots of options or like Going says you can get a job and work your butt off to be there for her.

Please, please, please don't let your pride keep you from attending your best friend's wedding. She is literally offering to pay all of your expenses. Why would you not go? Obviously while you don't know her family, they know how important you are to her and THAT'S why they're offering to pay. They're offering to pay to have you there because they love their daughter and want her best friend to be there on the most important day of her life.

My mom always says "People do what they want to do." If you seriously want to be there for your best friend's wedding, there are multiple options for you to make that happen, and the phrase "I can't make it to my best friend's wedding" is not accurate.

I would accept her offer to have her parents pay for you to attend. When FH and I first started talking about a destination wedding, we discussed paying the expenses for any close friends who couldn't afford it. The situation didn't arise, but I would have been really hurt if they turned us down. The most important part of a wedding is having the people you care about there, and she clearly really wants you there. I understand being uncomfortable taking the money, but her parents aren't spending the money for you, they're spending it for her.