Canceling big wedding

I don't even know what to do about this. Hopefully someone here will be able to help.

FWIW, Your guests that you sent STDS to will likely be disappointed. Just be prepared

Don't be embarrassed! You're doing what's best for you. I would just start making calls to let everyone know you've had a change of plans.

Note to lurkers: this is why you don't send out save the dates to your whole guest list. It locks it in too early and if a situation arises then you have tough decisions to make

OP I would send our cancellations or start calling people and letting them know the wedding plans have changed. This works if you are truly having a smaller wedding. If you are going from 100 people to 10 fine. But 100 people to 40 is just choosing who you want to host and not cancelling.

At this point the most you can do is start calling everyone that recieved a STD and let them know that the original plan has been cancelled. Just be prepared for questions and disappointment from your guests. It's not to say that they won't support your decision but if you invited them then you must be close to them, I am sure they were probably looking forward to your big day. ETA: typo

You need to send a cancellation notice. It doesn't need an explanation of why it's being cancelled, but you absolutely need to call VIPs before sending them and be prepared for lots of follow up calls and gossip.

I knew a girl who cancelled her wedding for a courthouse wedding. She told everyone by uploading a video on Facebook. I don't recommend that.

As someone who cancelled a wedding with 2.5 months to go, I called guests individually. I cancelled my engagement altogether though, which made it a bit easier as it's a pretty good reason ... nonetheless, you will want to be armed with a damn good excuse that people will understand as to why you are cancelling / rescheduling something smaller before you call people, and be strong if you get backlash.

Although, in that regard, to be honest, I can't tell you the number of people who were understanding/appreciative/supportive the first time, and of our small wedding this time around (new fiancé) despite not being invited this time when they were last time. It's been 2 years in between so it's generally the same people in my life. The first wedding was supposed to have 150 guests invited and this one has 50, so a lot of people who were invited last time weren't this time. Other than one guest, they have all been very supportive. I'd say go with your gut and get out that phone. The sooner the better.

Also, ignore whispers - because people will speculate as to why you're doing a much earlier wedding, etc.

Oh, one final note - even cancelling 2.5 months out, only 1 person had a hotel reservation despite it being a DW (5 hours typically) so it probably won't really be much of an inconvenience to most of your guests if you cancel this far out.

Tough one... but people will get over it, at least is 5 months in advance and not 5 weeks or 5 days ;-)

Tough one... but people will get over it, at least is 5 months in advance and not 5 weeks kr 5 days ;-)

I'm with Keisha. This only works if you are cutting your guest list to an extremely intimate list.

Agree with PP. As long as you're truly cutting to immediate circle VIPs only, call and tell everyone. It's a thing that happens sometimes.

@LissyLoo - That's terrible and it was rude!! It is also why we are only sending STDs to the "mandatory" invites, VIPs and our parents' siblings.

Do you have any OOT guests that purchased plane ticket and/hotel room? That could get sticky....

I wouldn't be embarrassed you all are still having the wedding. Your guest should be understanding granted you sent out save the dates but it's not like your wedding is next week. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Things happen and people need to understand that. However just bite the bullet and tell your guest immediately. We went from maybe 100-150 guest and now it's a handful so it's truly private. I'm so glad that we decided this before deposits were made. Do what's best for you. Everyone won't be happy believe I know but as long as you two or on the same page then it will be alright.

Did anyone purchase airline tickets? This happened to me after I bought a ticket and I was very upset. if not, tell people asap so they will not buy them.

Don't be embarrassed; do let people know ASAP. While it's doubtful that people would make airline reservations or hotels without an actual invite in hand (did the STD's even give location information?), you dont' want to spend one more minute than you have to dreading the process.

And I wonder how many of your guests might be secretly relieved, since it's pretty close to the holidays?

Reason 242,495,593 not to send out STD's.

But congratulations on making a decision that's right for you!

Agreed with Keisha. Call all of your guests, and either elope or have a very, very small (less than 20 people) wedding.

Point taken @Kate.

I had a similar thing happen- we had a larger wedding planned, and then I got sick a few months before the wedding. We weren't sure I would be up to hosting/ participating in a big event and made the call to change to a small ceremony and dinner with only immediate family.

We didn't send save the dates, but my extended family all knew the date and would have expected invites, so we made the phone calls to family to let them know. Most were not surprised, as they knew I was not in great health....so there was less disappointment. We also let close friends know about the change as well.

I don't think you need to be embarrassed at all- do what is best for you....but make those calls and send notice ASAP to avoid any travel issues for your family.

We did this same thing EXCEPT that we hadn't send out save-the-dates. Our wedding was supposed to be May 19 of this year but we moved it to December 23rd of last year. We broke the news in September. Just be prepared for some of your friends and/ family to voice their disappointments in not being able to take part in your wedding. The way we went about this was we informed our immediate families first, then our wedding party (although we kept them) and then made an announcement for everyone who attended our engagement party. When we told our parents, we explained why we were doing it: weddings are expensive and we don't want to put so much money into one huge party. Since we were paying for everything, they understood and even said that we made a smart decision. We were very honest with everyone when they asked why we had a change of mind and we were so thankful of their understanding.