Cancel the wedding and elope? SOO TORN!

Can you wait to move? You already have deposits down that you would lose.

Honestly I would speak to your venue (and any other vendors) about whether you could push the wedding back. I know how disappointing it will be for you but your family wants to be there for your wedding. I do not recommend eloping.

We are living with my parents right now so I would like to be moved out before we are married.

How much would you lose on the deposits? Can you keep the original place, but scale back?

I think that eloping is the best option if you feel like you cant afford the wedding your currently planning. You dont seem confident that the two of you can afford the wedding and moving. What is your reasoning for needing to move?

i also want to point out that i would be nervous planning future events based on a raise that hasn't been received yet (basically don't count your chickens till their hatched).

do what you need to do so that you and your FH arent stretched too far, money can cause lots of stress.

eta:

I would say moving out of my parents would trump getting married.

Would the venue let you move it back but keep the deposit in place? You have 9 months so they may not yet be booking and wouldn't mind. Might be worth asking them. I know I live in a small enough area that if they knew the situation, they would be OK with it.

We would lose $1000 deposit and we really can't scale back because my mom is one of 7 children plus 2 stepsisters who would all be invited plus their children and their children lol and then my dad's side of the family, and then my fiance's family. The food is what is killer expensive on top of everything else. I wouldn't even know what to scale back because nothing I have planned is extravagant or anything.

What about having a small courthouse wedding and dinner after with parents and siblings? that should save you some money and intimate weddings can be really nice.

eta: $1000 isnt that much compaired to what you are looking at spending in the future for the entire wedding. Do what makes you and your FH happy, even though most people like to celebrate with their loved ones its not necessary to have everyone there, at the end of the day its about the two of you.

How much would you end up spending in total, (appx) if you were to stay with the original venue? Compared to how much it would cost for an elopment? I'm assuming it's cheaper.. You will lose the deposit but you'd save in the long run.

Are you guys not currently living together? Is that why you're trying to move now? So you can live together? If that's the case, then I would do the move-in and try to ask the venue if you can push your date back. Ours said that as long as the new date was available, we'd have the option of moving it if we needed to. I, personally would prefer to push back the wedding rather than elope and regret it on top of having a family full of disappointed folks.

I totally agree I would love that but my biggest fear is upsetting other people in my family who are all so excited for it already

Are you paying rent at your parents' house? Are there extenuating circumstances as to why you're living there (i.e. they're broke and need the money, one is sick and needs someone to take care of them)? You don't even have to answer that on here as it really doesn't matter if I know the answer or not but if you're not paying rent then I'd make moving out or paying rent my first priority over a big wedding.

Did you double check your contract to make sure you would lose the deposit if you pushed the wedding back. With our venue we were allowed one penalty-free change of date as long as it was something like 8 or 9 months before the original wedding date.

Cutting back the guest list can be a real game changer. If you haven't spoken to some of your aunts/uncles for over a year they can be cut out..

Push the wedding back! Otherwise you will lose your deposits.

I personally would push the wedding back so you get to have the wedding you want without losing your deposit. Your family will be happy if it's what makes the both of you happy (at least we'd hope so, no one should be more excited about your wedding than you, and if you're okay about waiting they should be). But if you are okay with a courthouse wedding and a dinner (which is sometimes even more awesome) then go for it!

I agree with the idea of pushing your wedding back. I see it as a win-win. You will get the money support from your FI, be able to move out before the wedding, and get to have the wedding with all your family, and also you will get extra time to relax and plan the wedding - maybe even get the opportunity to do some DIY stuff of your own to make it even more fun.

We eloped and just had an actual wedding later on.

I am having a similar struggle. I would be happy to elope and enjoy being on our own, but FH doesn't want to. Very torn, but in your situation I would say if you can get the money back on the venue then elope! But if not, consider if the loss of the deposit would hinder you too much to move out anyway. Good luck!

However much you might lose in deposits, it will cost more to go through with it-- there's no two ways about that. Let go of the deposits, start your married life being financially responsible, elope, and have a big party some other time.