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Just Said Yes January 2014

Can you retract an "& guest" invitation?

Jessica, on January 7, 2014 at 3:32 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 9

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When the rehearsal dinner invites went out, I gave my FSIL an "& guest" as she had been with her boyfriend for a year. They literally broke up the day I sent out the invites; she has now been on TWO dates with someone in the past week and a half and wants to invite him to the rehearsal dinner. I have NO problem with her inviting him to the wedding, but I feel like unless you are engaged, married, or have been in a long-time relationship with someone, you should not bring them to an initimate rehearsal dinner. Am I too harsh? The rehearsal dinner is ONLY family & wedding party... is there a tactful way to say, please don't bring your "boyfriend" of less than 20 days to my rehearsal dinner? Other singles in the wedding did not receive "& guests" for the rehearsal dinner.

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9 Comments

Latest activity by Alison, on January 7, 2014 at 3:53 PM

Master March 2014
TheOGJesse's Girl · on January 7, 2014 at 3:34 PM
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No, you can't retract it....
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Master October 2014
Jackie · on January 7, 2014 at 3:34 PM
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Did she get an "& guest" or did you specifically name the now ex-boyfriend?
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Master July 2014
csquid · on January 7, 2014 at 3:34 PM
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Yeah I don't think you can retract it. If you had addressed it to her and her bf by name, that'd be different.
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VIP October 2014
Eleanor · on January 7, 2014 at 3:35 PM
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Did you give her a plus one or name the ex boyfriend on the invite? If you invited him by name then you're not obligated to invite the new boyfriend. If you gave her a blanket plus one then you should let her bring him.
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Master June 2014
MissMadeline · on January 7, 2014 at 3:40 PM
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Like others have said, if she got a literal "and guest," you can't retract it.
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Master October 2013
.... · on January 7, 2014 at 3:41 PM
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No, you cannot retract it, unless you specifically named her former boyfriend on the invite. invites aren't transferrable, but if you put "and guest" they can bring whoever they want.
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Master September 2014
Barbara · on January 7, 2014 at 3:43 PM
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No, "and guest" means guest-- not "and only the boyfriend of over a year whose full name I never bothered to learn."

BUT, that doesn't mean you can't try to nicely and politely ask her to not bring him. Let her know that it is going to be small/intimate, and you would rather only have people you already personally know there. Keep in mind, though, that if your family hasn't already met him, that it might be better for them to meet him at the rehearsal dinner for the first time instead of at your wedding.
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VIP May 2014
Mrs Wilson · on January 7, 2014 at 3:44 PM
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I agree with the other ladies. You really can't retract, looks bad.
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Super November 2014
Alison · on January 7, 2014 at 3:53 PM
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I'd probably retract it if it were my own sister. She'd understand. But FSIL in a different story. If you really don't want the new guy there you could always ask your FH to ask her about it. She may have not even thought that it would be an issue.
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