Can you plan your own Bach party?

I think the correct thing is to do nothing because these are just perks of getting married. If your MOH asks for your advice, you can suggest that she talks to the other two, but I don't think you can plan your own bachelorette. You could may be plan a mini vacay for your friends, but you could not make it focused on you.

The bridesmaids should definitely step up. Given the matter that is definitely the role of bridesmaids. To step in where the MOH needs assistance.

It would not be proper etiquette to plan/host your own bachelorette. Hopefully your MOH will say something to the bridesmaids, and they will step up. If not, you don’t have one.

Can you? sure. Should you? no.

There are lots of things you can do but, that doesn't make it appropriate etiquette-wise.

Bachelorette parties (showers and any other wedding related activities) are a completely optional event thrown in your honor by those closest to you at their discretion. You should not be asking anyone to throw a party for you and you should not be throwing a party in your own honor. If your MOH is unable to throw a bachelorette for you (and it is completely understandable under the circumstances) you will either have to wait and see if anyone else offers or you will not have a bachelorette. You should most definitely not ask your bridesmaid to host a party (and your MOH shouldn't either). Also, just an FYI your MOH wouldn't be obligated to throw you a bachelorette even if she wasn't being deployed she may choose to host one but, it certainly isn't mandatory.

If you would like to get together with your friends for a fun girls night before the wedding you are more than welcome to arrange this but, you must not make it wedding centered and you should 100% cover any and all of your own costs.

I might be outside of etiquette here, but FH and I fully plan on arranging/planning our own bach parties. All of our friends, relatives, and party members are scattered all across the country and it would be impossible to have one before hand. We're having a DW in a very fun touristy city and plan to invite everyone who is in town already out to hang out in our respective groups, 2 days before the wedding.

No, I would not advise you plan your own bachelorette party. It's no one's duty to throw a bachelorette party, same as with a bridal shower. If someone offers to throw it, great! If no one offers, that's fine, too, but that means you skip it. No one should feel obligated to throw a party they do not want to throw or are unable to throw.

It's understandable why you wouldn't want your MOH to be burdened with planning one. If she mentions anything about a bachelorette, I'd tell her you don't want her to have to worry about it. If she doesn't bring it up, then, well...to bring it up yourself when she's mentioned nothing about throwing you one would be rather presumptuous. It's not her job to throw it if she doesn't say she wants to throw it, so it's pointless to relieve her of a duty she never took on.

I would not go to your it her BMs and tell them you need them to plan your bachelorette. Instead, I would wait to see if any of your BMs or it her friends ask you if you're having a bachelorette, and then simply say that you're not aware of any plans for one. They can do with that information what they want.

View Quoted Comment No one has to step ip. If MOH can't and bridesmaid don't want to, guess what a bride doesn't get a party. It's an option. No one is required to throw you a party.

View Quoted Comment No one need to "step up" - a bachelorette party is a privilege, not a right. If they want to plan, or have the ability to plan, let them... If they can't for whatever reason, then if you'd like to host a ladies night, that's fine, but don't expect anyone to cover anything.

View Quoted Comment

You beat me to it. Sorry, OP -- it will be what it will be. Thanks to your MOH for her service.

Do your other bridesmaids know about the situation with your MOH and how long she is going to be deployed? The MOH might not think to say anything because I’m sure being deployed is a very difficult to go through and she probably has a lot on her mind. What if the other bridesmaids would be happy to throw the bachelorette party for you but are just assuming that the MOH will do it? I think it would be a real shame if you didn’t have one just because there were communication issues, or maybe the bridesmaids will realize last minute that you aren’t having one and then will have to rush to plan one! So personally I think it’s okay to at least tell them about the situation in a factual way (without actually asking them to plan it), and then leave it up to them to figure out what they want to do.

There is no real etiquette on who hosts a bachelorette party as it is a very modern phenomenon unlike most other aspects of a wedding. Emily post doesn't even comment on it and I feel like you have an extenuating circumstance even if she did.

I think there's nothing wrong with planning alot of ur own bachelorette party..both my MOHs are my sisters and both are in the military..ppl will understand n u can make it easy for them. I'd just consult with ur 2 other bridesmaids on price to make sure they are ok with it

View Quoted Comment The etiquette regarding hosting your own bachelorette is the same as hosting any other party in your own honor. It's a clear "NO". Nor do you ask someone else to host one for you. If no one plans one, you don't have one.

Yes it would be weird to plan your own bachelorette party.

Do nothing. Maybe your other bridesmaids will offer.

View Quoted Comment Www.marthastewartweddings.com/394691/etiquette-bachelorette-parties
https://www.theknot.com/content/amphtml/bachelorette-party-basics

And as I said, Emily Post doesn't even mention it. And I'm pretty sure she is/was the standard for all things etiquette

I think you should talk to your BMs about it. If they don’t want to host (pay) for it for you, just plan a night out with your girls. I don’t see the harm in that.

It is generally considered rude (esp around here) to host your own bach or shower, no matter what Emily Post says or doesn’t say. If no one steps up, bridesmaids or otherwise, you don’t get one. Especially a shower, that’s like saying “bring a gift to my wedding but that’s not enough so I’m going to throw another gift party, gimme gimme gimme”.

Emily Post died in 1960. "But it wasn't until 1981 that the first notable usage of the phrase "bachelorette party" appeared in print," in a New York Times article about then New York Governor Hugh Carey's remarriage and his wife-to-be's pre-wedding celebration at the 21 Club."

No surprise that she didn't comment on the subject.

If your BMs step up and do it then that’s great. If not, you don’t get a shower which is fine also. Some people don’t do them.

Really needing an edit button. Bach party, not shower although same rules apply