Can i uninvite friends from post wedding party?

Unless you and/or your partner are Mexican and want to have a second wedding in your family's native country, asking others to celebrate you via 3 parties in one year is attention-seeking. You're already married.

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Honestly I feel like you have a thing against DW as you are losing the focus on my original question. I do not have any questions about how I choose to celebrate with my family. The wedding in Mexico is my wedding. The marriage here was court house ahead of time because it is a symbolic ceremony. This is very common on how destination weddings work..... This is the anniversary we are celebrating, when I will change my name, the one family and friends are invited to. The first one was signing papers. nothing more, nothing less.

I also feel you have selective reading. As stated above, the guest list for the wedding and the shower is the exact same.

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I am having two celebrations. my wedding and my shower. Our marriage is something on the down low and was just signing papers because I don't want our symbolic ceremony to be considered less. This is the anniversary we are celebrating, when I will change my name, the one family and friends are invited to.

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This mentality is so wrong. For years, do you know how many couples would kill for the opportunity to "sign papers" at the courthouse? It definitely isn't "nothing more, nothing less" event. Your perception of what a marriage is is completely skewed. Those papers are what you married in the eyes of the law, not a party where you parade around in a white dress.

Also, the wedding was your courthouse event, so unless you invited 110 people to the actual wedding which was already done months ago at the courthouse, the "shower" is a complete gift grab and attention-seeing event, in which I am betting anything you are throwing for yourself.

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Are you telling all the people spending thousands to attend your pretty princess day that you are already married or are you lying to them?

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You suck. My OP was nothing to do with how I am choosing to celebrate my marriage/wedding. This is a destination wedding. It is more common then not, couples get married ahead of time as it is quite the hassle to get legally married in another country. I did not even have a "court house event" we only signed papers. So while we are married and value that very much. This is not our wedding that we deserve and had/have planned. My family is aware that we had to get married ahead of the time due to DW and still honor that and want to celebrate with us because our wedding day is our day that we will be acknowledging. Again, the guest list has been the same for wedding and shower that my family insisted on throwing.

This is supposed to be a platform where individuals are able to ask questions. Not get attacked for on a piece that is not apart of the OP.

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So many couples have their local courthouse ceremony before their international ceremony, mainly for legality and logistics. But, these are often within 2 or 3 months. You have been married 10 months? Do you not feel married? Saying you're not and keeping it a secret sounds offensive to your spouse and to the couples who believe their courthouse weddings are very real. I also think your friends know and that may have contributed to the high declines. You gave them a chance to come to Mexico under the pretense of a "real" wedding, and they passed. Why pay for a party back home (shower) unless you really want to feel like a Bride 3x. Just start your marriage already with full commitment and honesty with your loved ones.

I am done responding. As my original post had nothing to do with how we celebrate our marriage and wedding. How I choose to celebrate my day is not something I need to justify. Nor did I ask question or opinion about it. This is what works best for us and our families.

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I am sorry that you do not like hearing the truth. Same-sex couples fought for decades to have the right to "only sign papers". For you to look down on the LEGAL part of a marriage is disgraceful. If your family "honors your marriage" which your wedding was at the courthouse, why don't you honor the fact that you are in fact legally married and your HUSBAND and you are having a Destination event? You are married, and you want a pretty princess day. No one "deserves" a wedding.

You keep saying that your "marriage is on the downlow" and "you don't want your symbolic ceremony to be thought of as less" which washes out to not everyone knows you are already legally married and are putting on a play.

Oh, In your OP you say " My soon to be husband and I", which is untruthful. He is your HUSBAND and you are MARRIED. I want you to go to all the people who fought so hard to "just sign papers" and tell them that those papers don't mean anything and the only thing that matters is parading around in a white dress/suit, conducting a play of a "wedding". So your question in your OP was misleading and you wanted advice on a lie.

My personal view on DWs is that they are almost always an inappropriate imposition and burden on others, yes, but that's really the least of the issues that have come to light as you continue to post. Being that you posted this in the etiquette and advice forum, it's fair game that PPS are letting you know that what you're proposing is a serious violation of etiquette on many fronts, namely uninviting guests, a shower for an already married couple, and especially lying to guests.

IMO you're the one with selective reading. Unless you elope and leave it at that any time you invite or involve others it stops being about you alone. I totally agree with PPS as far as it being rude and wrong to lie to your guests, who have every right to know what they are being invited to, that a wedding is the occasion upon which a marriage takes place, that the significance of that courthouse ceremony should never be taken for granted, and the implications for additional wedding related events.

By definition a destination wedding is inconvenient to everyone including the couple and their families. It involves excessive expense, time and use of vacation days. To lie to guests on top of that as to the true nature of the event is unconscionable. People deserve to be able to decide for themselves how to prioritize their hard earned time off and money.

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Please refrain from lashing out at posters that are saying what you don't want to hear.

The DW is your second wedding, the first was when you went to the courthouse. Not telling people that you're already married can result in hurt feelings. Having a shower after the fact is an etiquette faux pas.

You're posting here on an etiquette board, so your responses are reflecting that.

To quickly respond to your question without judgment: yes, it is too late to uninvite your husband’s friends now that the invitations have gone out. Even if it were a local wedding that barely involved any advance planning by the guests, once the invitations (actually the STDs) are out, the toothpaste is out of the tube in terms of crossing off guests. You’re going to have an intimate celebration of marriage in Mexico, which it sounds like you and your husband are excited about. I wouldn’t worry about it becoming a boys’ trip because they will not be there just the guys, you and both of your families will also be in attendance and it’s fine if guests hang out with each other outside your wedding events (this is common and encouraged in destination weddings so guests actually get the opportunity to enjoy the destination they spent so much time and resources getting to).


Showers are a pre-wedding event intended to “shower” the couple with gifts (hence the name). There’s nothing wrong with hosting a separate reception/anniversary party locally, so do that and just name it accordingly and with full transparency to your guests about what it is. Best of luck!

I didn’t even finish reading the comments. Your friends declined because of how incredibly rude and self centered you are. If I was your “friend” I’d probably not go either.
Give that that’s who you are, sure go ahead and uninvite your husband’s friends. Yea husband not soon to be. You are 100% married. His friendships will deteriorate as well.
Yes asking all those people to the shower is rude, but again so are you. sorry that no one answered the way you wanted. Enjoy your trip to Mexico. 🤷‍♀️