Can i uninvite friends from post wedding party?

I think disinviting them would be rude, and it may potentially sour their feelings towards you and your partner. Also, if your wedding isn’t until October, I wouldn’t have booked anything yet either. I typically book trips about 2 months out, so I may price things out earlier to get a general idea, but I find that flights are typically cheapest in that 2 month timeframe. So just because they haven’t booked doesn’t necessarily mean they haven’t budgeted for the trip or looked into costs.

Barring some extreme situation involving these friends and a willingness to end the friendship over it, I don't know of any decent way to uninvite people from your wedding. It's a double offense, TBH. First you plan a DW that is an inconvenience, expense and a burden, they say yes despite all that, then you want to retract the invitation because you've already decided for them that they won't come. Presumably, they are adults who know how to check airline prices. I agree with PP that it means nothing that they haven't booked yet.

In case they do no show, what does your contract say? I would ask your caterer if you can intentionally undercount, by how many, and when the final number is really needed. It's common for there to be some leeway there.

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DW is what works best for us. If family and friends feel that this is an "offense" "inconvenience" and/or "burden" they also have the option to celebrate with us at our bridal shower. As majority of our invites are opting to do this. Pricing aside, I do like the idea of having only family. That is more of where this question is based from... No friends, family only in Mexico. I guess I should have more phrased it as "is it too late to change my mind on having family only after inviting friends?".

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Yes, once invitations have gone out it's too late.

Many people feel accepting a big shower is not appropriate when you are also asking people to attend a DW. For those who are attending, it's just a lot to ask on top of a DW that works best for you. While you've invited everyone invited to the shower to the wedding, you also understood that most people would not or could not attend. That's problematic IMO because it risks coming across as a gift grab.

I'd consider hosting a post wedding reception for those who cannot attend instead instead.

Unfortunately, the opportunity to change your guest list to "family only" passed the moment you sent out invites. Luckily, caterers don't usually require your final numbers until 1-2 weeks prior to your event, and I'm sure they will know much sooner if they will need to rescind their RSVP. So you shouldn't get stuck with paying for their meals.

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Not really looking for insight on the shower and if we should be having it or not. To me, having a post reception is the same concept as the wedding shower. A chance to gather and celebrate. We have always been setting the precedent of "your presence is a present" and do not expect any gifts from anyone.

Thank you for your insight on my question.

I meant to add that the only way you could do this is if you were to cancel the wedding and plan a whole new event.

So I hear a few things here. You're heartbroken none of your friends are coming. You don't trust his friends to not make it a bro trip and skip out. But, there are a few things you can do outside of cancelling your initial wedding so late in the game. Your caterer should give you a deadline date for when they need final numbers. As Cece wrote, this is typically 1-2 weeks before as venues understand emergencies happen. So for a wedding in October, these friends have time to book and to inform you of any changes without penalty to you. You shouldn't feel you have to handle others' travel details as they are adults. Also, it's up to your partner to convey to them the marriage is emotionally significant to him and you. He invited these friends and vouched for them so they are his responsibility. You can additionally reinforce a non-bro environment by planning pre-wedding activities offered to everyone like a boat trip or a local tour. Like any guest, if they pass, they pass. Just have your partner tell them to get to the wedding on time. I know it would be easier to exclude because you're both hurt by declines, but you can harm these relationships irreparably. I would focus on the love from those who do come to your wedding. Emergencies do happen to even family so just try to keep positive. Good luck.

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Noted, however just so you know they are two entirely different things. At a shower, you are the guest of honor and gifts, by definition are mandatory since they are the entire purpose of the event. If you don't want gifts it should not be called a shower. A post wedding reception is really for the benefit of your guests.

I'm wondering did you offer all your single guests a plus 1, or invite couples together? This is common for a destination wedding as not many like to travel alone. If these 3 friends have dates or even partners, they can be invited and it would be less bromance. Just an idea.

Honestly you just sound super jealous because his friends can attend and your can't. You've already invited them so it would come off completely witch if you turn around and uninvite them just because your friends can't make it.

Yes, it would be rude and possibly friendship-ending to uninvite his friends. I would focus on enjoying the day with the people that could make it there for you.

Having a big shower for yourself after the wedding for those you didn't invite is an etiquette faux pas. It says that they are good enough to give you gifts but not good enough to be invited to the event.

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Not only common, should be considered obligatory, IMO.

OP It's not fair at all to criticize FI's friends for wanting to make a trip out of it. You are the one asking people to spend time, money and vacation days. Other than attending your wedding, what they do with their time once they are there is their business.

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I agree. I think I am overthinking and trying to justify undoing something that is already done. It is what it is and I do need to just focus on enjoying the day.

We have the same invites out to the wedding shower as to the wedding. I didn't want the wedding shower originally but opted to do it so we can still have a chance to celebrate with those who were not able to make it. We also have it everywhere (Wedding website, save the date, and invites) that guests "presence is a present" and should feel no obligation to get us gifts.

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Why would you accept an offer of a shower when you knew exactly what you were doing with having a DW and inviting 110 people who you knew not even 1/4th would attend? That is completely a gift grab. I would contact whoever is hosting and decline the event immediately.

Also, you cannot rescind an invite just because the guests haven't made their travel arrangements on a timeline you approve.

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Gotcha. Yes I do hope you have a brilliant day!

As you can see, the shower idea is going to be problematic for some folks. Have the invitations already gone out for that? If not, I'd consider changing it to a "celebration of recent marriage" party instead of calling it a shower. That way it would be you giving something to the important people in your life instead of the reverse.

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I see that. The "shower" is pretty much a celebration of marriage already. Wedding is in Mexico and technically a symbolic wedding. We got married at the court house earlier this year due to it being a symbolic ceremony. My family who were not able to attend insisted on throwing us something and sent out the invites already. I just sent them my original guest list. I know my people all know they are special to us and we just appreciate them showing up, not what and if they bring something.

I had to edit my original comment in lieu of more info being given

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That's right, OP is already married. The celebration in Mexico is a delayed reception or celebration of marriage which in addition to the DW aspect also likely explains why some people did not give it the same priority as if they had been invited to the wedding itself.

OP, Hosting or accepting a shower that includes anyone who was not invited to the wedding ceremony, ie wedding is considered a big etiquette no no.

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There should not be any sort of "shower" at all. Do all the guests know that you are already legally married?