Can i uninvite a child from my wedding?

Honestly this is super bizarre. You and your parents do not need to be worried about taking care of someone else's child during all of your wedding events, because that is what you will be doing. My fiancé and I don't even have kids and we have already thought through all the scenarios of who may need extra help and direction at the wedding (think elderly parents) and we have figured out how they can be taken care of because we KNOW we won't have the ability to do that. The poor kid is going to feel like a fifth wheel when he realizes he doesn't belong in the center of all the action. If she won't back down, I would insist that she find someone else who can take care of child (even then I think that is a huge ask and I am not sure who would even agree to do this, which makes it even more clear how weird it is she is asking the bride to watch over him).

I....what. What did I just read. This has to be the craziest thing I've ever read on this site. Your cousin is bonkers (I guess your sister is too?).

Ok, first of all, why does your cousin think it is appropriate to put her 8 year old on a plane alone?! That's insane to me! Secondly, for her to think it is appropriate to make your parents his caregiver for the weekend is very rude. I would be very honest with her. Tell her that your parents will be very busy that weekend helping you get everything ready for the wedding and will be unable to care for him. I would hope she would understand that and either not send him at all, or find someone else to take care of him.

Update: I called my cousin to express my concerns and decline to let her son come alone. It did not go well. She was very upset, said I shouldn't have invited him if I didn't want to come. I brought up concerns about child care and what we would do if he got sick or needed something or wandered off or was overtired. And she became very offended and said she had obviously thought of that and was going to give me money to hire a babysitter for the reception. And I brought up how he's going to get from the airport if his flight is delayed and is during the rehearsal dinner, and she said she would figure something out and why was I framing this like she wasn't a capable mother?


Well anyway she then called her mom and her mom called my mom, and apparently my sister had already told my cousin that this plan was okay. Her mom doesn't think her ask for us to take care of him is unreasonable because she's paying for a babysitter for the reception, but she will get him to and from the airport. My mom doesn't want to say no because she feels bad "rescinding our offer" even though I never offered it, my sister did!
I'm still stuck on this worry that he's going to show up and be sick and then no babysitter will be willing to care for him and I'll spend my wedding weekend quarantined caring for a sick child.

Left something out- apparently I'm penalizing my cousin's son for not having a father because if his dad was around, his dad could bring him. Her son shouldn't have to sacrifice because his dad isn't in the picture. I don't understand what its like to be a single mother and if I did I would let him come. I'm punishing her son by doing this.

View Quoted Comment Wait... your cousin‘s mother (this child‘s grandmother) called YOUR mother and admonished her for not taking care of this child?! I can now see why your cousin acts so rudely and inappropriately!! Your cousin’s mother needs to be the one taking care of this child! That is HER grandchild! This entire thing is so insanely ridiculous. I would call up your aunt and tell her that her grandchild is more than welcome to attend the wedding, and you would love to have him there, but only if SHE handles every single detail of his care (picking him up from the airport, watching him at the wedding and reception, having him stay at her house, feeding him, taking him to the airport and ensuring he gets on a plane for the return flight, etc.). If she’s not willing to take on those responsibilities, I don’t know how on earth she’s expecting YOU to do it during your wedding. You and your mother have zero reasons to feel bad about this, especially when the child’s own grandmother isn’t willing to do it! I am seriously just completely shocked at this. Not to mention, I don’t know who on earth would think it was acceptable to place an unvaccinated eight-year-old child alone on a plane during a pandemic. He could freak out, have an anxiety attack, get lost, get kidnapped, get hurt, Contract COVID-19 and become ill, or infect guests at your wedding... there are just so many things that could go wrong with this scenario! It sounds like you and your family have been enabling this bad behavior for way too long, and it’s time to put a stop to it. Otherwise she’s going to continue this behavior for the rest of her life.

No. Just NO. Put your foot down. This is beyond Karen behavior. Your wedding is the one time to maintain healthy boundaries. You will be glad that you did. What is wrong with these people?? Who thinks it's ok to put an 8 year old on a plane alone? How is it ok to dump a child on a bride and her parents on her wedding weekend??


You're going to have so much else to worry about. Crazy people like this will always be crazy. If they're going to act like this for your wedding, they'll never stop. You'd do best to distance yourself.
Call her again and say no. No apology, no explanation. Not happening.

When I first read the title I was like ohhhh this doesn’t seem good I can’t imagine the explanation here and then you explained and I said “oh. Holy cow. Yep uninvited” 😂😂 This is WILDLY inconsiderate and I commend you for handling it how you have so far. While it’s incredibly sweet that the child is so excited about your wedding, he surely will not continue to feel the same way when he’s without his parents, and you (understandably, of course) will be handling your wedding! I would kindly speak to her and say while you appreciate how excited her child this, you cannot be responsibly for his babysitting on YOUR wedding day! You are absolutely no bridezilla here, I would’ve lost my mind!

You are not uninvitint this child. You are saying that this child needs to be accompanied by a parent to attend which is completely normal. As a parent to an 8 year old who had flown a lot in her life before the pandemic, there is literally no way I would send her on an airplane by herself right now. This isn’t a punishment for not having a dad- it’s common sense. Your aunt that called your mom- why can’t she bring (and care for) your cousin’s kid?

The audacity here of everyone on the other side involved just baffles me.

I would never put my 8 year old on a plane to go to the wedding of a cousin they've only met a handful of times just because I couldn't go. I don't care how excited my daughter would be, even if she were a freaking flower girl in the wedding.

As a parent it's your responsibility to own up when something comes up and disappoints your kid. I'm honestly floored at the audacity of your cousin.

Tell Mom no. Tell your aunt no.

"This is unacceptable. I don't want to think of having to take care of Cousin the week of my wedding. The invite was for his mom, and for him so she wouldn't have to leave him behind. She's not able to make it, so he does not need to come. End of discussion."

It does NOT make you a bad person to say no to this cousin. It's time for people to start reigning her in and holding her accountable to her decisions.

Good lord, what has come up so far in advance that she won't be able to make it to your wedding in July? Honestly it seems like she just has different plans for something fun and doesn't want to have to take her son along with her.

View Quoted Comment Wow just wow. The audacity of some. She lacks etiquettes. She sounds very rude and pretty self absorbed. She honestly doesn't see anything wrong with having the bride and family taking care of her son the weekend of the wedding. She needs a serious reality check. And you should give it to her. Keep saying no put your foot down with her. If nobody ever does this will go on forever. I'm kind of wondering if she really can't make it because of work related issues or if she is just looking for a kid free weekend. I've seen parents lie about having doctors appointments or work things going on just to ditch their kids.

View Quoted Comment That's exactly what I'm saying. It seems like she really wants to get rid of her son for the weekend. To me it seems like she just wants a child free weekend and found the people to take him. If that was my son I'd tell him I'm sorry we can't make it to the wedding and then I'd probably take him out for ice-cream or something to make it up to him.

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OK, whoa. Your updates just make you cousin sound even MORE unreasonable. Don't accept these accusations. You are in the right and that's the end of it. She can call you names, accuse you of anything and everything, put all of the blame for her life and her sons life on you, and you are STILL in the right.

I would just stop talking about this any further. Don't try to reason with her or anyone who is trying to insert themselves. Just say you have made your decision and change the subject. Repeat as often as needed. Block your cousins calls and messages if you need to.

Oooooh man, this is a doozy! Here's my take on it:

1. This isn't actually uninviting him; it's requiring (like any reasonable human being) that a child be supervised.

2. You/your family absolutely should not be taking care of someone else's child on your wedding day. You simply won't have the time to properly care for him and, in any case, it is not your responsibility.

3. I'm so sorry that your sister is unwilling to see your side of this and seems to agree with your cousin. They're definitely both in the wrong here. As she is part of your family I don't think that your sister should be caring for the kid either. However, if she is adamant that you're being a bridezilla (which you absolutely are NOT), I would ask her how she would feel about caring for the child that weekend. If she feels so strongly about it, then she can take on that responsibility if she really wants to.

4. Yeah.... your aunt had no business calling your mom about this and again, if she feels super strongly about this then she can take responsibility for the child.

5. You and your mom have nothing to feel bad about. This might be a little hard to hear, but it seems like gaslighting is what's happening here. You're being made to feel that the perfectly reasonable stances you're taking are rude and unreasonable by the people who are, themselves, the unreasonable ones. Do not let that sway you from your decision. Stick to your guns here.

6. I'm honestly really glad you came here to ask about this, because here you have a community of people who will rally up with you and help you feel confident in yourself and the stance you're taking. That confidence just gets absolutely stripped away with gaslighting and you feel like every choice you make is wrong somehow (even when it isn't). I was in a relationship for 3 years in which I was a victim of gaslighting for every single second, so I absolutely know the feeling. It isn't good. These people here are a great support system for you right now. Also, thank you for entrusting us with these difficult things for you.

7. You are absolutely not punishing him for not having a father figure. That isn't your responsibility. If any "punishment" is happening, it is from your cousin because of the choices she has made. Her words are another attempt to control you so that she gets what she wants even when it inconveniences others.

8. A wonderful thing about marriage is that is a clear opportunity to set boundaries with family when it was more difficult to do so before. Let this scenario be your first opportunity to set that boundary with your cousin that says you will not let her walk all over you and that you will not assume responsibility for something that is her responsibility just because she doesn't want to deal with it (or whatever reason). Set a boundary with your sister that you've made your decision and that is the end of the discussion; she cannot dissuade you. Also set a boundary that she cannot go behind your back and make commitments for you (i.e. telling your cousin it's okay to send her kid and that you'll look after him). You don't need to explicitly state these boundaries. Just say no (which is a full sentence) and let that be your final word. You don't owe them an explanation.

9. If she decides to send him anyway, and this is very important, DO NOT ASSUME RESPONSIBILITY. From everything you've told us, I can honestly see her just sending the kid anyway and trying to force your hand. Sorry, but no. Your aunt can pick him up from the airport and provide childcare. Your sister can if she wants to. But you need to stick to those boundaries and not assume that responsibility. If you do, it just reinforces that she can walk all over you and that you'll continue to clean up her messes over and over again. Lack of planning on her part does not constitute an emergency on yours. ESPECIALLY not on your wedding weekend.

10. Holding these boundaries will likely make her upset with you. That's what happens when unreasonable people are told no. So be prepared for that, but don't let her anger tear your boundaries apart. They are not unreasonable.

11. I'm in your corner and will be praying for your resolve and peace. You don't deserve this stress.

View Quoted Comment YES!! EVERY. SINGLE. WORD. OF. THIS. 👆🏻👆🏻

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Sounds like your sister just volunteered to take care of the child 24/7 since she's the one who made this decision behind your back. What a mess....I'm so sorry

She’s looking for a weekend kid free to dump him on you. HARD PASS and if she doesn’t let up, go no contact. If she attempts to put this kid on a plane and dump him in your lap, call the cops for an abandoned child.

Hi Amanda, This may seem weird but I originally saw this post on Reddit and there’s about 3000 people who have your back and think that your cousin is being ridiculous. It can be hard to see it clearly but it might help to imagine your best friend coming to you with this situation. Can you imagine telling her that she should sacrifice her needs and dreams on this very important day for the inconsideration of this person? Would your friend deserve that? As someone who has already had their perfect wedding, this is not something that should be eating your time and stealing your energy. Trust your gut. Also if you need more support: https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingshaming/comments/m7vucs/crazy_cousin_tries_to_dump_her_8year_old_son_on/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

I’m just here to offer support and agree with all the above posts! Your cousin is so out of line, and putting this manipulative emotional baggage on you (and her son!) Also, did I read the update right, where she expected you to find/hire a sitter? Unbelievable. I’m sorry you have to deal with this unnecessary stress, but it’s so much better for you and your nephew if he doesn’t come unaccompanied.

I haven't read the comments yet, but this is actually the most ridiculous thing I have ever read. Who asks someone to babysit their child on their wedding weekend? Even if it is your sister she is so out of line. I would never put an 8 yr old on a plane alone either. The kid can come with a parent or not at all. I get that he's excited but his mom should have explained to him that she's the reason he isn't going. Not try to pawn him off on you.