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Amanda
Savvy July 2021

Can i uninvite a child from my wedding?

Amanda, on March 17, 2021 at 10:37 PM

Posted in Family and Relationships 69

The title might sound rough, but stick with me. So I am having a kid-friendly wedding, but there are only a few kids on the invite list. One of the kids is my cousin's 8-year-old. I have met him a handful of times and he seems like a fine kid. The problem is that my cousin told him about the wedding...

The title might sound rough, but stick with me. So I am having a kid-friendly wedding, but there are only a few kids on the invite list. One of the kids is my cousin's 8-year-old. I have met him a handful of times and he seems like a fine kid. The problem is that my cousin told him about the wedding and said they would definitely be there as a family. However now something has come up with work and she can't come anymore. She doesn't want to disappoint her son, who was excited to go to a wedding, so she wants to put him on a plane to the wedding and have him stay with my parents and me for the weekend (I live with my parents).

My problem with this is that I don't want my parents or me to be responsible for this child on my wedding weekend. We would have to pick him up from the airport on the day of the rehearsal, and the airport is nearly an hour away from where we live/where the wedding is. Then he would be staying at our house all weekend and would need to be cared for, put to bed, etc. I don't have any kids, but I feel like 8-year-olds aren't self-sufficient. My mom and I planned the wedding just the two of us and will be running the show, and I selfishly don't want my parents distracted with child care duties on my wedding weekend.

I want to tell my cousin that her son can't come without her or without another person to take care of him. I would prefer he not stay at our house or be in the care of my parents. But my sister said this would be "basically uninviting" the kid. My sister also thinks it will be fine and he's old enough to take care of himself and we can make it work.

Please WW give it to me straight--am I being a bridezilla by not wanting this kid to come alone to my wedding weekend?

69 Comments

  • S
    Expert November 2021
    Sara ·
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    Your cousin sounds like either the world's worst parent or completely delusional about what's appropriate. Hell no to this plan! Your sister is in the wrong too for trying to say that this would be uninviting the child...

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  • Amanda
    Savvy July 2021
    Amanda ·
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    My cousin has her son fly alone occasionally so she doesn't seem to see the problem. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills dealing with this. My sister is adamant that I'm being a bridezilla
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  • S
    Expert November 2021
    Sara ·
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    Show your sister the responses on this thread. She is so wrong!

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  • Amanda
    Savvy July 2021
    Amanda ·
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    Told my sister I was really serious about saying no to this idea just now, and she said "I don't know why youre so hyperfocused on this, its not a big deal. You have bigger fish to fry with this wedding"
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  • S
    Expert November 2021
    Sara ·
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    If it's "not a big deal," then your sister can take care of this child at her house for the weekend. Both she and your cousin are being completely unreasonable!


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  • Ava
    VIP May 2022
    Ava ·
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    Your sister is absolutely out of her mind!
    tenor.gif


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  • D
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
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    Maybe you should inform your cousin that the child trafficking industry is a multi trillion dollar industry throughout the entire world, and no the kids don’t go willingly either.


    Maybe you should let your sister watch the child the entire time if she thinks you’re being a “bridezilla “. It sounds like you’re the only sane one in your family. Good luck
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  • Katie
    VIP August 2020
    Katie ·
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    Exactly- you do have bigger fish to fry and as a result cannot add babysitting to the list 😉 Stick to your guns Amanda 👍
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  • W
    VIP September 2020
    Willow ·
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    Wow. No. Absolutely no. You should not be tasked with babysitting period, much less on your wedding weekend. You're not "uninviting" a kid when that kid was an exception to the rule for an out of state parent. Your sister and cousin are OUT of their minds
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  • Rebecca
    Master August 2019
    Rebecca ·
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    It's one thing to send an unaccompanied minor to a VISIT with family, it's another to send him to a big, grown-up event, without any parental supervision.

    You or your parents need to talk to your cousin and point out how *none* of you will be available to take care of an 8 year old that week. Either she comes with him, or they both stay home.

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  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
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    I'd tell her no unfortunately if she can't come neither can he. I get that he was excited however he is not your responsibility. And shouldn't be your or your families responsibility especially the day before and day of the wedding. I'd never allow a child to attend my wedding without the parents there. I don't think you would be a bridezilla for uninviting him. I'd tell her that unfortunately with how busy you and your family will be those days that he will not be able to attend without her.
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  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
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    Absolutely agree with this
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  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
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    I agree with this

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  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
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    Agree with this. And I also agree that if no offense your delusional sister thinks it's not a big deal then she and only she can deal with the kid all weekend, he can be her problem.
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  • L
    Liz ·
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    Offering you an other “Hell No!” in support 🙂

    You say your cousin doesn’t always think things through. Could one of her family be encouraged to help her do that, including the implications of an 8 year old flying by himself during a pandemic. And I agree with others, if she still wants him to be able to attend, then it should be her parents or siblings taking care of him. You and your family are going to have more than enough to do. Failing that, she’s just going to have to bite the bullet and tell him they can’t now go - chances are the disappointment will be short lived.

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  • Samantha
    VIP October 2022
    Samantha ·
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    This is bonkers. Absolutely bonkers. I am not kidding when I ask...is your cousin unstable? This is just so beyond appropriate behavior.
    I suggest not making excuses. “No, that won’t work. We have too much going on to be responsible for child care on top of everything else.”
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  • Amanda
    Savvy July 2021
    Amanda ·
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    She is, kind of. But my whole family is very tolerant of the way she acts and bends over backwards to do things for her. She's also a single mom and we don't even know who the father is so he never helps out, so we all try to be supportive. But I guess that led to her thinking that we can babysit on my wedding day?
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  • Samantha
    VIP October 2022
    Samantha ·
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    There is a big chance she knows this is way inappropriate but is counting on everyone doing it anyway!
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  • W
    Devoted March 2021
    whirlwind ·
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    Who would send their 8-year-old alone to a wedding? And how are you supposed to babysit him??


    I just feel sorry for the kid. I get that he was super excited. But wouldn't he feel super lost and neglected alone at a grown-up event with his mom's cousin who has zero time to take care of him and who he only met a few times. What is he supposed to do at your house on the wedding weekend? Get ready with you and your bridesmaids? What if something happens? What if he wonders off during the reception?
    When I was eight, this would have been my worst nightmare (and I know people are different but still). An 8-year-old needs his parent or someone he knows well to take care of him during a wedding weekend (we're not just talking wedding but I guess at least two nights). This is just super crazy to me.

    If your cousin's son has a good relationship with his grandparents or aunts/uncles, they should be asked. And if he can't come he will be disappointed but get over it.

    Crazy!!!!

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  • Amanda
    Savvy July 2021
    Amanda ·
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    I have no idea what her plan is. I think she thinks he would just hang out with the few other kids there during the event? But I don't want him tagging along to get ready with me. I don't even know what he likes to eat. I'm so stressed about this
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