Can I mail vendor tips with thank you cards?

I wouldn't

Emmy- then how would you know how much to tip? What if a vendor screws up or you under tip?

Tip them at the end, have enough money, know what you plan on tipping if they are good, take some away if they suck. I'm not sure where the issue is?

There is actually no requirement to tip your vendors at a wedding. However, it's appreciated if they do a good job. Therefore, if someone screws up, that person doesn't get a tip at all. It's not like wait staff in a restaurant who make $3 an hour.

Well, I guess I just wasn't planning on having a purse with me at all, and that just kind of feels tacky to sit at my own wedding tabulating what each person should get. Money is a little taboo in my family and bringing that much and sitting there and counting it out at the reception just feels weird. I've never seen anyone do that at a wedding.

Plus, if I've already given the envelopes to my dad/best man/MOH, I'd feel uncomfortable asking for the envelopes back to add/subtract accordingly.

Start with a number that you would give to each vendor at maximum. Make sure you have enough to cover that amount and work back from there.

I would suggest to have the envelopes ready to go with at least the minimum you intend to give, and then just slip them the extra cash based on performance.

I wouldn't mail it due to the fact that if your vendor is an employee of a larger company, there is the chance that they won't even receive the mail or tip.

I love that idea, though not for waiters, since I have a hunch they'll never see it. I never really got the concept of deciding on a tip before you actually experience their service. I'd do a check, put it in with a thank you note, and your vendors will completely love you.

KarenM- totally understand that. I'm usually pretty generous when people go above and beyond, but it burns me to tip someone who doesn't deserve it.

Mostly because my wedding day in my area is kind of known for blizzards, ice storms, etc I'm concerned about things like them showing up late and being unorganized because of the weather.

And nicole&mikeM: All of my vendors (with the exception of the waitstaff) are the owners of their own businesses, so I was considering giving the waitstaff a tip there but being a little more personal with the other vendors. A few of them that we've worked with so far have been FANTASTIC and I really want to recognize them accordingly

I gave my dad an envelope of money and told him to tip anyone as he thought reasonable. Our bartender was a HUGE help in setting up, as the venue did not have ANYTHING even remotely close to right when we got there (ie the head table was still set up for about 20+ people from the wedding the night before, when we only needed a table for 6), so he got the biggest tip.

I was thinking of doing the same thing. I totally will now that Celia approves! I plan on sending them out quickly and also writing up a great review (assuming they deserve it) and sending it as well. Also, I plan posting reviews on WW as well.

Emmy - I think the issue is that she is the bride so she will be too busy with other things that day then worry about taking money in and out of envelopes at the end of the night and catching them before they leave (often times the photographer will leave mid way through the reception).

We hand picked our bartender and I looked him dead in the face and said, "Put out a tip jar."

As I've stated before, over 80 percent of our wedding guests are in the restaurant business. There's nothing a server loves more than to over tip a server for awesome service, even when it's free. And we'll all have cash on us. He looked scared a little bit but eventually nodded in agreement.

Other than that, I'm planning on sending a tip with my thank you notes as well. 1)It gives me a chance to get my money up and 2) It's a discreet way. I always feel really awkward when my guest asks me to wait while they sign their slip, or when they hand me a few bucks. I just don't like the personal exchange of money. Good or bad, I always walk away when someone is tipping me.

This is a very good question, thank you for asking it! I was confused about the whole thing also. From other similar questions regarding this the consensus was to "expect" your vendors to do an amazing job. I also would feel awkward leaving without tipping them, or or afraid they will think they are not getting a tip. I also think the better/worse the service is the more/less the tip should be. The photographer though, it seems most people don't tip them until they see the pictures.

@Ali: I think that is a great idea/solution! Find someone you trust, that won't be totally drunk, to calculate tips and hand them out in envelopes, of course.

My DOC is handling this for us. We are budgeting 25% tip for each vendor. She will give them their envelope at the end of the evening.