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Deirdre
Super March 2018

Can a wedding guest make a seating request

Deirdre, on September 4, 2017 at 6:22 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 36

I'm a guest at a friend's wedding and there a woman I went to college with is invited. This woman's ex husband stole from a couple of my good friends (including one of my BMs who's is also invited to the wedding). We are dreading seeing this woman. Is it horrible etiquette to ask the bride not to seat us with her. None of us have talked to her since the theft. I know it's not my day and I plan to be polite to her. I just don't want to have to eat with her and make awkward conversation. My gut says we're going to have to suck it up and deal with it if we're at the same table. I just wanted to see if there is a polite way to say please don't seat me with this woman who stole from my friends (items stolen: money & wedding ring). Any thoughts are appreciated.

36 Comments

Latest activity by Kristin, on September 5, 2017 at 10:46 AM
  • muriel
    Champion June 2018
    muriel ·
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    Perhaps I misunderstood. Didn't you say her "ex-husband" did the stealing?

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  • SuperStuelke
    Super September 2017
    SuperStuelke ·
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    I am with PP, Is it her or the ex- husband who stole? In the beginning you state the ex- husband stole, then at the end you say the woman who stole...... Just trying to understand who stole or did both of them steal?

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  • Ashley
    Expert November 2018
    Ashley ·
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    My gut agrees with yours...I think you'll have to suck it up. It was her ex who stole from you, not her, correct? If she's not with him anymore, it's possible she got burned by him too or at least didn't approve of his behavior. Making some assumptions though.

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  • S
    Just Said Yes September 2018
    SJ ·
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    If this was her ex husbands doing then I wldnt be upset with her. Unless she had something to do with it?

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  • Futuremrswilson
    Master June 2023
    Futuremrswilson ·
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    Here's the only issue I have with asking her, if multiple people request not to sit next to this couple, that's going to make the brides job harder when doing the seating chart. I'm sure the bride will do her best to not sit you with someone who stole from you guys. Honestly I'm surprised they're still invited.

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  • Constance
    VIP October 2017
    Constance ·
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    They've got so much to worry about. I wouldn't say anything.

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  • ambrok
    Master October 2017
    ambrok ·
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    If this was the guest's exH & it happened a fair amt of time ago...I don't see why you don't just let this go?!?

    If it was her that was the thief, it would be a different story; but...

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  • Ashley
    VIP May 2018
    Ashley ·
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    If a guest messaged me asking not to sit next to someone I would try my best to accommodate them.

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  • lilam18
    Expert July 2018
    lilam18 ·
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    Assuming that her ex did the stealing and not her, I think you should let it go. I understand how that was likely a painful experience for you and the other friends, but her ex husband's actions probably alienated her from a lot of relationships in the aftermath. Being in this situation is probably equally painful and uncomfortable for her.

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  • Deirdre
    Super March 2018
    Deirdre ·
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    It was her ex, but she knew about it and defended him, that's the problem I have with her. I can deal with it and be fine. I just wasn't sure if there is a way I could make an awkward situation less awkward. I don't know if the ex is coming, but I doubt it. I know it's the bride's special day and I don't want to cause her stress. I just hate having to be fake to a person I have no interest in seeing.

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  • Celia Milton
    Celia Milton ·
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    It's rude to ask her about it honestly. And at some point, you either hold a grudge forever or you let it go.

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  • SuperStuelke
    Super September 2017
    SuperStuelke ·
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    I wouldn't ask her, I would just suck it up and drive on!

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  • KDoubleU
    VIP October 2017
    KDoubleU ·
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    Bride's POV: if someone asked me, with the level of stress I currently feel, I would be pissed.

    Guest POV: Think about a seating chart: what are the chances you are sat with her/ you do not have to engage her in conversation/ dinner is so short.

    She did not commit the crime, her ex did. I would let it go.

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  • Olivia Grace
    Dedicated June 2018
    Olivia Grace ·
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    I have an ex who stole from more people than I can count on two hands. I defended him at the time. I certainly hope there aren't people still holding his behaviors against me.

    There are a lot of times we have to be fake to someone we have no interest in. There's a chance the bride is aware of what happened and isn't planning on seating you with this woman. And even if you are seated next to her, it'll mainly just be for dinner. People will get up and dance and mingle with others throughout the reception.

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  • Erin
    Devoted September 2017
    Erin ·
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    Having just made my seating chart, I would say please don't add unnecessary pressure on someone regarding a task that is challenging enough. If someone asked me to be seated with or not be seated with someone a my wedding, I would be very polite in my response and would try to accommodate them, but would find this request incredibly rude. There would only be a few circumstances when I would have empathy for such a request, and yours isn't one of them.

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  • T
    Super November 2019
    Tricia ·
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    I wanna say if the couple knows about the situation they probably won't sit you guys together just because she knows there was bad blood. You might not even get seated together. If I were the bride and knew there was bad blood between people I'd separate them because I wouldn't want a situation at my wedding. If I were you I wouldn't say anything. If you end up getting seated together you can always find people to switch tables with or just ignore her. She's probably dreading seeing you just as well.

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  • T
    Super November 2019
    Tricia ·
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    I hear you about being fake at people. I can't be fake. I'm blunt. But maybe you can just not speak to each other if you end up not able to switch tables. It's not like it's just you and her at the table.

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  • Rachel DellaPorte
    Rachel DellaPorte ·
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    Deidre: you really need to answer the big question. Was it her ex-husband who was the thief, or is she part of the theft?

    If she's not, and he's now her ex, cut the lady a break. Sometimes people don't realize what they've gotten themselves into until it's legally binding.l If she's an innocent, she's bearing more BS than she should be bearing. Clean slate? Unless one was watching while the other was stealing, there is no reason to address the wedding couple about the seating chart. Besides, she divorced the guy. How much more should she pay? Would being the social pariah at the next three weddings even the score?

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  • Ariella
    Super March 2018
    Ariella ·
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    I'm gonna have to say no. She's not bringing the ex-husband as a date, right? And I wouldn't want someone putting that drama on me when seating is already difficult enough. Can't hold her responsible for the sins of another. Not fair if that's the only thing that you find bothersome about the woman in question.

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  • Autumn
    VIP October 2017
    Autumn ·
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    Honestly you're just going to potentially be stuck at the same table during dinner. You should be adult enough to handle either saying nothing to her or being civil enough for an hour tops during dinner. After that, you can hit up the dance floor and hang out wherever she isn't

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