R
Savvy June 2022

Can a bride ask her bridesmaids to get a spray tan?

Rebecca, on September 18, 2021 at 12:06 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 24
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So my guilty pleasure of reading anything wedding related on Reddit struck again. I found this post on Reddit, from a few days back where a bridesmaid doesn't want to get a spray tan for her cousins wedding, and the bride isn't happy, and everyone from the other bridesmaids to the family are all upset and annoyed at the bridesmaid and think she's wrong.

Most people on Reddit agreed with the bridesmaid, though I did see a few posts defending the bride or criticizing the bridesmaid, a few upvoted but a lot downvoted.

The interesting thing is that the bride in this case offers is paying, and I know we say that bride should get no say if she's not paying, but if she is paying, is it okay for a bride to ask her bridesmaid to get spray tanned? Reddit seemed to disagree, but the demographics here and Reddit are clearly different, so I'm curious as to what the posters here think. Personally I would never ask a bridesmaid of mine to get or not get a spray tan, I'd leave it up to them,

24 Comments

Latest activity by Samantha, on September 21, 2021 at 10:18 AM
  • Hannah
    Master July 2019
    Hannah Online ·
    • Flag
    Yeah, definitely NTA. A spray tan alters your appearance for longer than just the wedding day. Personally, I can't imagine telling my bridesmaids what kind of make up they should wear or how they should do their hair, but makeup/hair styling lasts for as long as you want it to last. So I can see, if a bride is picking up the tab, making some stipulations of the look (I personally would never, but w/e). A spray tan lasts for longer than just the wedding day and don't they like...stain everything? I feel like asking that is just too much.
    • Reply
  • M
    Dedicated October 2021
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    Absolutely not ok. I am pale as all get out and proud of it. I would not look like “me” with a spray tan. Bridesmaids are your friends, they are not props.
    • Reply
  • Stephanie
    Savvy September 2022
    Stephanie ·
    • Flag

    I knew exactly what post you were referring to, and saw it on Reddit when it was active. Reddit is a my guilty pleasure too, but they really don't like brides...

    YTA. Honestly the bridesmaid should get over herself, its not her day. It isn't like she gave an actual reason for not wanting to get a spray tan, beyond "I don't wanna". Its not like the bride asked her to get liposuction or shave her head. Its a spray tan. It takes like 15 minutes, and it'll fade within a week, if you let it fade naturally, if not you can scrub it off. The bride requested something simple, and she decides to dig her heels in. The bride actually offered a trial for her to test it out.

    If the bride is wants her bridesmaid(s) to get a spray tan, and the bride is willing to pay for it, the bridesmaid(s) should absolutely get a spray tan.

    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Rockstar October 2022
    Michelle ·
    • Flag
    I don’t agree with the majority of Reddit on their opinions with wedding related matters because most of the hills they die on are not that serious and they have no qualms raking someone over the coals who has a disagreeing opinion or experience.



    That said, I don’t agree at all that a bride has a right to ask or demand even if she is paying (many make demands and don’t pay) to ask anyone to alter their appearance. She can request certain hairstyles as long as she pays, but once you get into body alterations, that is a hard pass. The bride hopefully loves you as you are when she asked you to be a bridesmaid. Requesting a tan, or covering non offensive tattoos or removing piercings, sends the message loud and clear that your body is not acceptable or photogenic enough for her. Any bridesmaid has the option to back out if she is pressured to do something outside of her comfort zone.
    • Reply
  • T
    Just Said Yes September 2022
    Taylor ·
    • Flag

    Compared to other bridezilla requests this isn't too bad. Like it isn't the same as just wearing the dress or shoes, but it's not asking a bridesmaid to dye her hair or lose weight. I don't think it is wrong of the bride to ask, but the bridesmaid should have the right to refuse.

    • Reply
  • Natalie
    Super November 2020
    Natalie ·
    • Flag
    Asking a bridesmaid to get a spray tan is overstepping! While hair (style NOT color!) and makeup can be instantly washed away, a spray tan cannot.
    • Reply
  • B
    Dedicated June 2023
    bevbabe ·
    • Flag

    That's weird to me. I wouldn't even think of asking that. I've been a bridesmaid many times and have never been asked to get a spray tan.

    • Reply
  • M
    Beginner May 2022
    Melissa ·
    • Flag

    I don't think this is too unreasonable or a bridezilla move. The only time I've had a spray tan was when I was a bridesmaid and the bride asked me to. I didn't think she was overstepping or anything like that.

    I think a bride can ask, but if a bridesmaid really doesn't want to, the bride should let it go. This could be a small ask for one girl, but a bigger ask for another girl.

    • Reply
  • Janet
    Dedicated October 2018
    Janet Online ·
    • Flag
    I go by the rule of if they can’t go back to their original appearance in immediately after the wedding is over you can’t require it, only exception to this asking someone to cover up tattoos unless vulgar or offensive. Spray tans, hair color, etc should never be asked since they alter appearance. If you would take a photo next to your friend on any given day, then you can do the same on your wedding day
    • Reply
  • I_Do_Too
    Devoted September 2020
    I_Do_Too ·
    • Flag
    If I were you in this situation I would suggest it and pay for it but if they didnt want it, it’s their choice
    • Reply
  • Hannah
    Dedicated October 2021
    Hannah ·
    • Flag
    Nope. Her body her choice. Really, the bridesmaid’s only obligation is to show up and stand next to you on your wedding day. I personally would never get a spray tan for a wedding I was in even if it was paid for. Think about it for yourself - do you never get acrylic nails, but a bride wants you to get them, would you? Do you never get false lashes, but a bride wants you to get them, would you?
    • Reply
  • R
    Savvy June 2022
    Rebecca ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    I've always thought this rule was reasonable, and I'll go by it for my own wedding. And making someone cover up tattoos that they normally show is just off to me, unless it is something super vulgar.

    • Reply
  • Janet
    Dedicated October 2018
    Janet Online ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Same. I’ve heard others say it’s distracting, but the person all in white amongst other colored dresses is usually the stand out person
    • Reply
  • M
    Beginner May 2022
    Melissa ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    While I wouldn't ask it of my own bridesmaids. I probably would if a bride asked me to. Yes I know acrylics and false lashes aren't like makeup that can be removed straight away easily, if I was close to the bride and it meant that much to her, I probably would.

    • Reply
  • Hannah
    Dedicated October 2021
    Hannah ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Well it seems like some people would do it and others wouldn’t, so hopefully brides don’t get upset if their bridesmaids don’t go along with one of their requests!
    • Reply
  • Kk
    Devoted October 2021
    Kk ·
    • Flag
    Asking a bridesmaid to get a spray tan is basically saying that her skin color isn't good enough for your wedding. So no, it's not appropriate for a bride to ask this.
    • Reply
  • CountryBride
    VIP April 2022
    CountryBride ·
    • Flag
    No it’s extremely rude IMO to ask a bridesmaid to get a tan
    • Reply
  • A.B.
    Dedicated November 2021
    A.B. ·
    • Flag

    Requiring someone to change their hair, eye or skin color is just icky. Most I think a bride should do is offer free, OPTIONAL spray tans or tell them what day she is going and say that anyone who was planning to get one is free to join her for a day of it.

    • Reply
  • Keely
    Just Said Yes April 2025
    Keely ·
    • Flag

    It's extremely strange and rude to me that this bride cares about her bridesmaid's skin tone. It hadn't crossed my mind until reading this that that would even be on the table for a bride to try to control. Offering to pay for it, in my opinion, was a manipulative move.

    • Reply
  • R
    Savvy June 2022
    Rebecca ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment

    I never thought of it that way, but yes I can see how offering to pay can be manipulative,

    • Reply

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