Cake and Punch Reception

You can't have a private dinner and give the rest of your guests cake and punch. That's called a tiered reception and is extremely rude. Either stick to an intimate ceremony and host those people with dinner or just have a cake and punch reception.

What you have sounds fine to me; but perhaps keep the dinner a separate event. Calling it a family dinner out/nothing wedding related.

An old friend of mine and her husband had an event just like this and I think it worked out just great. It gave us (non-immediate family members) the opportunity to drop off a little card for them and wish them well in their marriage.. the bite of cake was a plus since I love me some cake!

Unless you're inviting the entire church to the cake and punch deal, (which is fine), nope.

Invite the people you can host well and leave it at that.

Nah, I'm not a fan of this and do think it gives the impression of a tiered reception.

Have the cake and punch reception for everyone. The following evening, enjoy dinner with your family. No wedding stuff at the dinner. Don't treat it like a reception, just a dinner.

Thank you K.M. i honestly thought that because we were only doing grandparents, parents, siblings, and close friends (literally best friends since grade school) that it wouldn't be seen as an issue. It's just the same as if we went out the next day to celebrate over dinner, without all the guest. I still want to thank everyone who comes and I've read that cake and punch receptions are short anyways, so I didn't think it mattered if we go out to eat with our parents and siblings after all is said and done. We would probably be done the day around 3:30pm. We also planned on having a party to celebrate, but maybe in about a year when our funds aren't so tight. I'll definitely consider not splitting it up, but I really didn't think it would be "extremely rude".

But are there any specific tips I should know on how to do a cake and punch reception?

I don't think it's extremely rude to go out to dinner with your family after the reception.

Celia, that's a part of the problem. My fiancé's mother wants to invite a lot of people that helped my fiancé during childhood ("Watched him grow up"). And there are a lot of people from the church. However I would like to celebrate our day with just our immediate family, like actually on the day and not the next day. He too wants these propels at the church and doesn't see the issue at hand. So I figured if we could do the cake and punch it would be a great way to thank everyone else they invited.

Yeah, no. This really only works with an entire congregation who would find out via bulletin or a pulpit announcment.

And it's kind of hard to have a 'non wedding' dinner after a wedding...

The only way you could do this is if the only people at dinner are your parents and you guys. Any time you invite more than that (especially friends), then nope, you're being rude. KM and Celia are right.

I don't think it's rude. You have to eat dinner at some point in the day so who cares who goes and that it's after your cake/punch reception.

Utah's a little weird but a lot of couples do something like this because a lot of them are young Mormons just starting out. Most of them usually do the ceremony in the temple (which very few people can go to) and then they have a family brunch or luncheon and then a reception at night with just a dessert style set-up. Utah families are huge so even the luncheons are more than 20 people and the receptions are easily 2-400 people, but I think it would work for a smaller amount of guests . I would hope that people would understand your budget constraints. A wedding is about celebrating the love and commitment between 2 people, not about the guests (IMO).

I personally would not be offended or find it rude for someone to invite me to a church wedding and cake and punch reception, and not invite me to a dinner with their family later in the evening. It would be a nonissue. Although I probably wouldn't travel for the event unless I was really close with the couple. If it was local, though, I'd be happy to attend and not at all offended about being left out of family dinner.

Melody, thanks for pointing that out. Lol.

Celia, at what point am I "allowed" to eat then? Also, where and with whom am I allowed to eat with? It just seems like those who are saying it's rude are overlooking that we have to eat somewhere and at some point in the day, and 9/10 times it's going to be with our immediate family. Or are you saying completely nix the cake and punch deal?

Elizabeth, I understand what you're saying, but I only have one living grandparent and she would definitely be considered a parent. I also don't see what's wrong with siblings? We each have one. As for the close friends, it's only 4 all together and EVERYONE knows they're more like siblings than friends, so I don't think anyone will take offense to that. None of those who I listed are considered non-immediate family members, besides the 4 friends (who are literally like brothers and sisters to us, like I couldn't imagine any part of my day without them).

I'm sorry I might be harsh so be forewarned. I think it's incredibly rude to do something like this. Chances are your cake and punch guests will see or hear something about your planned dinner. I promise someone will let the secret out. I think it sounds gift grabby like come to my wedding for cake but we can't accomdare you for dinner. I know everyone will disagree with me but why not have a small catered meal with the cake and punch at the church? Italian or BBQ? Beer and Wine if you reception allows. If I received an invite like this id either not go or not give a large gift.

Hannah, is it still considered gift grabby if it were just a cake/punch reception also? I just don't see the issue of a couple having dinner with whomever they wish AFTER the wedding ceremony/reception is completely done.

You asked about a situation bordered on a tiered reception, and you got answers about it. The scenario I described, a full congregation wedding followed by a very intimate dinner for your family is completely acceptable. But you can't start inviting childhood friends, neighbors who watched FH grow up, feed them punch and cake and take 'some' people out.

Your congregation is absolutely used to this, but everyone else thinks they are invited to a traditional wedding. Which is not what's happening.

I know it seems kind of arbitrary, but it happens all the time in that exact way. Kinda like how the entire congregation is invited to a Bar or Bat Mitzvah service at the temple with a short 'bagel and coffee hour' afterwards, and then a private party for the family that night.

Personally, I would nix cake and punch, send out invites to the people you want at your smaller dinner, cut the 'people who saw FH grow up" and call it a day.

I know it gets really muddy sounding the more you talk about it,doesn't it?

Hannah, Im not taking any offense to anyone's comments. I appreciate everything and everyone's opinions. I know me saying "I don't care about gifts" is probably something people say all the time, but it is the truth. Also, I wouldn't be keeping a secret about going out with my parents and siblings lol. We also weren't going to just do cake. That's why I asked, in the post, what all goes into a cake and punch reception. I'm sure it's not literally cake and punch, but something more?? I want to do a little more. Bottom line, we cannot afford a fully catered meal for everyone we would like to invite, whether it be Italian or BBQ. Also, if you received my invite and didn't come, then I would just have to miss you being there. And if you thought that giving me a small gift would be repayment for not providing you with a catered meal, then you could just stay home with that mindset.

I wouldn't have a problem with this assuming whoever is invited to the ceremony is invited to the cake and punch reception. You can do whatever you want after the reception is over. The amount of people invited the dinner is very small, it's not like you are inviting half the guests to dinner.

"A wedding is about celebrating the love and commitment between 2 people, not about the guests (IMO)."

CrazyPants, you are absolutely wrong. Once you invite guests, it becomes about the guests. A reception is to thank your guests for coming to the wedding, so no, it's not okay to choose which ones you thank with dinner and which ones you serve cake and punch. Treat them all equally or don't invite them. Simple as that.

MaryKate, why are you asking our opinions? You've already decided what you're going to do. Why waste everyone's time with a thread?