Cake and Punch reception

I've been to some and they usually have cheese and fruit platters in addition to cake.

When is the "formal reception"? And the "formal ceremony"? Who is going to what?

What.....

That doesn't make sense.

I'm kind of confused.

Wait so some guests are not invited to the actual reception?

You are having a punch and cake reception for the ceremony but a formal reception as well? And some people aren't invited to the ceremony?

My friend did this...she served punch, cake, nuts, and mints...all at the church immediately following the ceremony. She tried to recommend that I do it too, but people were hurt when they found out there was a real dinner and party that they couldn't attend.

Yeah, this is a bad idea, for the very reason pp just stated: people WILL talk, and you will then have people whispering behind your back about how some of the guests were good enough for the full reception, while others only warranted the cake and punch.

It's rude. Host only the people you can afford to host properly, instead of having ANY sort of open invitation ANYTHING.

You can't have a cake and punch reception for some people and then a formal dinner reception for others. It's very rude to those not invited to the dinner. Don't have an open invite ceremony, only invite the ones who are going to the dinner.

Yeah, that's a hard no. Everyone who is invited to the ceremony should be invited to the reception, not just given the consolation prize. "Thanks for coming to our ceremony! Here's a sheet cake and a bowl of Chex Mix. The HiC fruit punch is over there. We gotta go to our actual party now. Kthxbye"

We are doing the same thing. Cake and punch at the church and dinner at the reception. The reason is because the culture of the church is to invite everyone (which ends up being over 1000 people). If its the culture of your church then it shouldn't be weird and you can have cake and punch and if you would like you can add small apps as well. We are both leaders in the church so everyone wants to come but our members know and understand that they aren't invited to the reception. Most people at my church dont host any type of reception at the church after their ceremony but we decided to do cake and punch as a thank you to our church members for coming.

Really? this is rude?

I know tiered receptions aren't okay, but i've asked here before about this before and even Celia gave the OK- even added the comment this is probably the only occasion where this was okay.

Maybe I phrased wrong. We belong to a large church, and we would like to include them in our day because we are very involved. So we are having a church ceremony, with an open church invitation (not a formal invitation, just "Chip and FH are getting married at X location at Y time". With a Church cake and punch reception for all who attend.

Following that, we're going to have a dinner reception for our families.

I dont think its rude if it is the usual culture of your church. We have weddings all the time where we announce that the entire church family is welcome. No one expects to be invited to the closed reception.

I think it is OK. We have a large church and the pastor's son just got married. I think they did the same thing because the Bride and groom couldn't afford to properly host 500 people. They got married in the church and had cake and punch and fruit and cheese platters. Then they had a reception/celebration the next weekend for close family and friends. The church knew and understands. They even gave them a shower. Also, they do this all the time! OP, I would do sandwiches, cake, punch, fruit and cheese platters.

@Almost Mrs. Wright, it's really rude to do that, regardless of what your church culture is.

@A.L its fine that you think its rude. I was replying to Chip that if her church normally has open ceremonies then its completely fine and it would actually be perceived as rude to not invite her church family. Some peope won't understand or agree but in many church communities it's not taboo.

I get it - it's pretty standard in our church to do this too. The church members know they're not invited to the reception and are OK with that. They all just like to come to the ceremony and offer support for the marriage.

I've never really seen one that was just cake and punch. . . Most have a fruit/veg tray of some sort. I've seen some with tea sandwiches and some with apps, depending on the time of day.

How is this any more rude than having a church shower but don't plan to invite those people to the wedding?

Exactly...to me it says "take our gifts but dont think of allowing us to come to your ceremony"...

Our church actually prints the weddings in the church bulletin every week . . . so people don't even get 'personally' invited - they just all show up!