Buying myself a new ring??

Well, that steps on an issue that really isn't your concern, sir. Thank you for your input, but each couple has their own story and tradition sure isn't an important role in our story.

We got engaged years ago and planned on waiting long enough to build up a financial support before we got married. The end.

Not get engaged?? Wow--that was a leap!

Based on your philosophy he should be THRILLED to be able to afford a better ring now and be jumping at the chance to buy her one she loves...now that he knows she'd be okay with it.

@Don, just because YOU would have not gotten engaged doesn't mean they shouldn't have....now who's being materialistic?

Justify it however you want so that you can feel ok with it.

My fiance didn't have one piece of input into the ring directly. She loved it because it came from my heart. I actually even had it set on a cheap setting so she could customize it how she wanted but she didn't want to change a thing. I hope she is not talking to her friends about how she feels insecure about it being too inadequate.

Took me 6 months to find the perfect (for us) ring.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Michelle, you are right HE should be. So if he wants to go out and buy her an upgrade then more power to him. I think I read in the initial post that she was going to approach him and tell him she needed a bigger ring.

Am I missing something?

I shouldn't EVER have to justify my future marriage to anyone.

Why would you want do that to someone, anyways?

Don't think the conversation was about justifying your marriage. It was about justifying materialism at the expense of other's feelings.

Go re-read your initial post. You are even questioning the act yourself. You yourself even feel bad to bring it up to him for fear of starting an argument. Why?

Don. Your views on how men and women should relate during engagement and marriage are just that - your views. You should not be making assumptions about someone else's marriage, relationship, or financial status. Nothing pretty happens when people assume.

You offered your FH the chance to change her setting if she didn't like it. Joy's FH is basically refusing to offer her that chance. Not to mention, I think when she chose her ring, she was setting aside her own feelings to make sure she didn't tread on her FH's ego based on his job status at the time. Because you know, women often do that for men. Apparently with good reason.

That wasn't what you were attacking.

"Bottom line is perhaps they shouldn't have gotten engaged if he was unemployed and couldn't provide what she wanted at that time?"

Us getting engaged was not about the ring. Thinking it is, that is materialistic.

Thank you, @Kris s.

Kris

What assumptions have I made other than my own views? Please explain.

You are right, I did want her to provide input on the STYLE of the ring. Not how big it was.

"Bottom line is perhaps they shouldn't have gotten engaged if he was unemployed and couldn't provide what she wanted at that time?"

That was not directed at you. Some other posters were justifying the action by saying "well maybe he couldn't afford anything else" and such. Re-read my comments prior to this. Never once did I question your engagement or marriage directly to you. I just said it was poor taste.

Just wear the ring until you get done with all the wedding planning and stressing over this detail and that detail. After things have calmed down some, he should be more open to the idea of it. He may even surprise you with a new one =). Plus I think your ring is pretty. Heck, my first ring was sterling silver. But I knew he would get me another "better" one after he had handled some other financial obligations. Be patient for awhile before you go out and buy your own ring.

Well lets all hope for your sake that you did a bang up job of picking out your fiance's ring....because I'm sure she knows you well enough that if she doesn't like it, it's just tooooo dammmmmmnnnn bad!!! She had better just suck it up or the wedding's off!! Based on your reaction of a perfect stranger wanting to upgrade a ring that SHE technically bought...OMG, I can't even IMAGINE how you'd react if your found out that your fiance really didn't like what you got her.

That's pretty dang selfish IMO Don.

Haha don't get your panties all in a wad there Michelle. There is a difference between not liking what you got and not thinking it is big/expensive enough. I am sorry you can't grasp the distinction. I don't know what else to say on that front.

Go back and read the OP's first post. There is guilt and remorse in the tone.

Why?

Ok here we go I'll change my response to:

Nah girl, that is totally cool. More power to you.

There you go. Better? LOL

Panties aren't in a wad Don, just think that you shouldn't project your insecurities onto other people. She explained the situation more fully in her replies. And just because a woman wants a bigger stone doesn't mean she doesn't love her FH. I'm sure she'd love him no less if she got NO ring...but that doesn't mean she wouldn't want one. It's really unfortunate that you get your validation by what you can afford to buy people instead of by the kind of man you choose to be

Don, let's not talk about women's panties. I think you've gotten intimate enough with the boob comments. And news flash - a lot of women feel guilty for feeling the way they feel. This is another joy of being female in our society. Women are often not raised to express themselves and be honest about what they really want, b/c it might inconvenience someone else. Guilt doesn't validate or invalidate the feelings as wrong or right.

It's not like Joy is stamping her foot and saying she deserves the crown jewels. She just feels like she made a mistake in her initial choice, which she made with pretty much only her FH in mind, and now her FH is blowing her off. I'd feel awful too.

Michelle

Where did I say because she wants a bigger stone she does not love her husband? Please quote it?

You are being irate right now and it is hilarious.

Wow! Some men have MAJOR issues! If FH couldn't afford an awesome ring or even if he was flat broke and had NO ring when he proposed, I would have still said yes. Its not like she's going to leave him over a ring. As a woman, she just wants a ring that she can be proud of. And since he can afford it now, I see no problem with getting an upgrade.

Part of me just thinks Don is a troll. He seems to want to really make an impression for someone whose profile suggests they are so new to the boards.

Don, if you want people to respond a little better to your comments, you might want to change your avatar. It indicates to people that you are actually here to learn something about planning your own wedding/WR business, rather than being here just to rile people up for your amusement.