Bugging people to rsvp - best way to do it?

Invites are supposed to be sent 6-8 weeks before the wedding with RSVP's due 2-3 weeks before the wedding. You sent them waaaayyy to early for your May 2020 wedding, that's why people haven't RSVP'd. No one knows what their schedule is like 6-7 months from now. If you sent anything this early, it should've been a save the date which doesn't ask for an RSVP.

Can I ask why you sent them out so early? Usually invites are sent out 8-10 weeks before the wedding. I think 2 weeks before is standard in my area for RSVPs and final head count.

when the time comes, could you enlist a relative or close friend to help? Maybe your parents could send texts or call your family members and FH’s could do their family?

I think that you sent the RSVPs way to early for a wedding in May, 2020. People will put down the invite thinking they have time and will forget about it. Since the cat is out of the bag, if everyone has a facebook page, you can create a page to keep everyone up today and then create an event where they can RSVP closer to the date.

That's weird, I had read that I should send invites that early. I guess I'll have to do another set in a few months. Thanks everyone, I apparently got the wrong info about timelines.

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Save the Dates would go out about now, not invites. But since it is already done, I think a FB group or something could work! I wouldn't expect many RSVPs this far out, and any you do receive are likely to change. I had a few people RSVP to my save the dates because they just did it when they visited my website, and many of them changed closer to the wedding. Most RSVPs came in the month or so before.

You DONT bug people over 6 months in advance for an RSVP. They WONT be able to give you one. It’s unreasonable to expect them to be able to give you an answer this far out, and to pester them will only frustrate them as well. You don’t need this information so far in advance. Everyone needs to know how much food to purchase. I couldn’t even tell you where I’ll be *living* next May , much less what I’ll be able to do in my free time (if I have free time). If you bug people for an answer now, you won’t get an accurate count. 2 major things will happen— some people will rsvp “yes!!” because in theory they’d love to celebrate with you and have every intention to...if they can. But then next April rolls around and they see they have a work trip on the calendar, and they reach out (well. Hopefully!) to say they can’t make it afterall. OR you’ll have people that would have said yes and may turn out to have nothing on their schedule then afterall, but if you ask them now they’ll HAVE to say no since they’re not sure yet. I had a friend with a mid February wedding, a relatively early rsvp date of the end of December , and early December she started bugging me for an answer (even though she set her rsvp date and I had plenty of time left!!). It was an expensive travel wedding for me and I had been trying to put together if I could make it but didn’t know just yet if I could swing it. So when she came at me early for an answer, I just declined the event. Kind of a bummer, but it was irritating to me that she wasn’t giving me time, and I didn’t want to get into budget woes with her, so I had to miss the wedding :/. I mean this to really drove home the point that it is impossible to get an accurate headcount this far away from an event. Even just within 2 weeks before my wedding, I heard back from 2 different people who had already rsvped that had a change of circumstances! (One had said no but was now available and one had said yes but now couldn’t). Sure it’s sad that there’s a lot of details contingent on knowing whose coming (like seating chart etc) that can’t be worked out until the last minute , but that’s just the nature of event planning.

WHAT I WOULD DO, is just treat your current invite that’s out as a Save the Date. Don’t worry about responders. In fact, regard responses you do have with a grain of salt. Just let it all be for now. Then, 8-10 weeks before the wedding, send a NEW round of invites (same ones or different ones, dealers choice). I’d personally go for online RSVPs this time. I’d make the invite a one piece, similar but slightly different “The Wait is Almost Over!” then re-lay out all the event details of time and location and then put a website url and say “please respond via our website with meal selections by ___(date a few days before you need to give the info to the caterer)”— that way, you don’t get into rsvp cards again, if someone still has theirs, they can send it, if someone already replied to the original invite; they can go in and reconsider their meal selection.

when closer to the date and looking to bug guests to rsvp, I don’t recommend any mass email blasts— it’s offputting, and as a guest I feel like I’m being publicly reprimanded for not responding. Calls/texts/facebook messages/emails to each individual is the best way to go about it, even if you’re just copying and pasting the same message.

I can't imagine anyone RSVPing for a wedding 7 months away? Typical RSVP dates are 1-2 months out at most, and invites go out 2-4 months in advance. Save the dates can go out earlier, but those don't require an RSVP. I'd be hesitant even counting on people that RSVPed to still come that far from now. We've been to plenty of plated food weddings, and they requested an RSVP one month out or less.

Wow Ok sorry everyone clearly I had the wrong info.

View Quoted Comment Ha! I take too long to type— with you that a second round of invites is the best idea.

Also thanks for listening 🤣— you’re not the only one that has come to the forums with timeline confusion , ask for advice bc they want to send invites too early, get advice saying to wait, say “nah I’m gonna do it my way” ...and then come back and complain that it’s not working !! Ha. So I always try to breakdown exactly where it could go wrong , so that it anyone reading along can really understand why waiting is best!

i like the idea of doing something cutesy on 2nd round invites like “it’s finally really time!” or something alluding to excitement getting ahead of you . It’s an exciting time, and waiting for the final tallies is a drag!!

^^ er that was supposed to say -*so many* ask for advice and... but my phone ate the “so many” 🤣

I agree with the other posts. You sent out invitations way too soon which is probably why you aren't getting a lot of RVSPs. When we sent ours out, we still didn't get a lot of responses and we sent ours 8 weeks before the wedding so we created a Facebook group like Sabrina suggested. We had a lot of people RSVP that way rather than send back their RSVP cards, but we still had to reach out to plenty of other people.

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I stated above that I clearly had the wrong info. Thanks for the input but the tone was a bit harsh... I am doing this for the first time.

I'm good everyone, don't need more comments. I realized I was incorrect with the timing and will be sending out another set of invitations. I had incorrect information from a different site and am anxious because I have a lot of flaky people in my life and this is a big stress right now. Unfortunately I can't delete this thread, feel free to comment but please be kind.

OK, setting aside the timeline issues and answering your question about "bugging people to RSVP". I don't think it ever goes over well with guests to nag them before the RSVP deadline. There will always be some who fail to RSVP and they won't care about your reminders. But the ones who plan to respond by the deadline will just get annoyed.

So, wait until after your deadline (your new one, which will be a week or two before the caterer needs final headcount) and then call/email/message (whatever is the way you already communicate with that guest) to say your deadline with the caterer for final numbers is coming up and you need to know if they are coming. If they don't answer within a few days of that, you can assume a "no." Or, if they are a VIP, then you can contact again (maybe by a different method).

There aren't really any shortcuts here. These are your invited guests. You want them to attend AND you need to know how many will be there for the catering. So, you are going to have to reach out to each and every straggler.

You already send out invitations? That is crazy early to expect people to RSVP. My wedding is 90% travelers and we are still only sending our invitations out 8 or 9 weeks before (we sent STD early). People just can't predict their schedule that early. We are doing plated too. It doesn't mater. Don't bother people until a month before.

You are waaaay to early. No way someone knows what they're doing on that day in may 2020.

It seems you have been bashed enough for your mistake in timeline , so I will just give you advice on how to reach out to people once you send out your second round of invites closer to your wedding date.

I would wait 3-5 days after your RSVP deadline. This gives the postal service time to deliver any last minute RSVP cards. After day 3-5, you won't be missing nearly as many as you are now. At that point, I would text the people whose phone number you have. You can copy and paste the same message to people, but I would not do a group message. It can say something like "Hey, I hope you're doing well. Just checking to make sure you received our wedding invitation. Do you think you will be able to make it? We are trying to get our final head count so we can finalize everything.". Most people respond well to that. For people you don't have numbers for, a Facebook or Instagram message is completely fine.

Good luck!!

I'm also getting married in May 2020 I need a final head count for my venue by mid April. I was planning on sending my invites in late February. Why did you send them so early? The event is nearly 6 months away.

Please read my multiple comments where I stated I made a mistake. Unfortunately WeddingWire does not allow me to delete a post.

View Quoted Comment Thanks this is helpful!