Brother's wedding reception

I would take your brother at his word that he understands. You already attended the wedding to show your support and the additional party in the future is optional. You are not a bad person for having other commitments and his wife overstepped with the text.

Absolutely not! You are not being a bad person. Most importantly, you were there for initial event and now your support is needed elsewhere. If your brother really understands, he won't (or shouldn't) fault you for still living your own life.

I think the fact that your posting in this forum and tried to move things around shows you are not a bad person ! Don’t be hard on yourself !

If your brother is married now, then surely he understands how important it is for you to be there for your partner. You may also want to tell your new sister-in-law that, too. It's ok for your brother to be sad, there's nothing you can do about that. He knows your reasoning and says he understands. Take his word for it.

It's alright for him to be sad, but it's not on you to do anything about it. You went to the wedding and reception. How many weddings are they planning to have? You can't be expected to make every single party they throw. Being with your partner is important. You are not a bad person for wanting to support them in this milestone.

You already went to his wedding and reception. They're having a *second* reception and you have plans that cannot be shifted or changed. Your brother said he understands and he likely does, even if he's hurt. He's an adult, I'm sure he's handling it fine. I expect that he said something to his wife about being hurt (because that's what you do) and she took it upon herself to contact you, which she should not have done - and he may not even know she did so, because he probably expected the conversation to stay between the two of them.

All of that to say - you're not being a bad person.

You're not being a bad person, you're being a good partner! You already attended the actual wedding & reception

This same thing happened to me -- my sister had a small ceremony, then a reception in our hometown several months later, then another reception a few months after that. I was able to go to the first two, but not the third one since I was away at a summer job. I understand your brother being sad but you've already done your part and been there. (I don't understand the need for two receptions anyway.) You're not a bad person and the fact that you're posting this means you clearly care about your brother.

Just to provide some context for the second reception. The one last fall was smaller due to covid(Although still a little larger than I was ready for). The second reception will be more of a normal scaled wedding reception.

View Quoted Comment

Regardless, this is still a second reception. You attended the first. You aren't able to attend the second. He has a right to be sad, but you have to do what you can for your partner.

View Quoted Comment Exactly! It was out of line for her to text him and try to make him feel guilty.

I understand that bridal couples got gipped in 2020/2021. However no one should feel obl

(Sorry I accidentally hit reply before finishing)... no one should feel obligated to attend micro wedding/reception and then another big reception.

You were there for your brother and supported him when he needed you, for his wedding day and reception. Now your partner needs you to be there to support her for an equally important event. I know the reception is important to your brother, but the heat is off, nothing to be nervous about. It's just a big party! I'm sure he'll miss you, but your place is with your partner. You're not a bad person.

Good luck to your partner with Grad school!

They had their wedding and reception and you were there for them. You're being a supportive partner now. I feel like you're making priorities, which is OK.

Ditto on all the replies. You are not the bad guy. Your brother will be fine. Your partner needs your help. Don’t feel bad or guilty for even one second longer

You are definitely not a bad person for this. You showed up and supported your brother and his relationship when he got married… now it’s time for you (and them) to support your relationship. You can not (and should not) be expected to neglect your partner during such an important, life-changing event for you both, in favor of attending a party. It’s expected that your brother will be disappointed you can’t make it, but I’m sure he will understand the importance of you supporting your spouse.

You are definitely not a bad person. You went to his wedding and reception the first time. And you even tried to move things around now for this time also. Your partner will need your help and support with move in and you have to be there for that. I’m sure your brother understands.

You’re fine! Their larger reception should be for guests who weren’t invited or couldn’t attend their wedding. Don’t feel bad or try to make up for not going (apology, extra gift, offer to do something for them to make up for your absence). Hopefully, your new SIL was simply expressing she’d love to have you there but understands.

No you aren’t being a bad person. He may be sad now but he will understand. Maybe during the reception you can FaceTime so that you are part of the celebration.