M. W.
Just Said Yes December 2019

Brother is mad at Groom and i

M. W., on October 27, 2019 at 8:25 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 9
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Here's the case. Fiance and I are eloping to Vegas, we wanted a low cost wedding with some frills: dress, tux... just us saying our I do's and tying the knot, signing our papers. Simple, right? Apparently not.
Well we had told our friends and family, if you can make it out, feel free to join the celebration, if not, we will stream the ceremony 24 hours later. My brother, a very close member of my family and one of my best friends was so excited to go. Then I told him we will NOT be paying for your flight or hotel. He said he couldn't make it. Okay. Then my fiance's parents have decided they may as well do a week in Vegas and be there for our wedding. Awesome! I love my fiance's family. So now my fiance and I have talked, it is only fair that my mother (who raised me single-handedly), should join in the celebration. My mom is a mess (putting it lightly) and really affects my life. If I am not dealing with her housework, I am hauling her to the store, doctors appointments, cleaning her house, repairing her house... it's a mess. And it consumes a great deal of my time. I have even forced her to find another form of transportation, at one point caring for her and my brother at the same time. I was really worn thin. So we are paying out of pocket for her flight and hotel. We are trying to find a way to get my mom transportation to and from the airport and to and from the venue. My VERY pregnant sister tells me she is unable to help. I get it! She will have a newborn by the time of our wedding.

Later my brother tells me that my mom shouldn't come to my wedding, and that he wouldn't since my fiance and I are being selfish. He was also recently in a wedding (missed the rehearsal, due to himself) and explained that he felt "SO honored" to be in his friends wedding and how they were SO kind to him, and they gave him gifts, and that we are so selfish... we aren't having a lavish wedding. He knew this from the get go.

We only anticipated about 5 people being there, but have way more than we imagined coming. Am I allowed to be angry with my brother? Even now, he is sending me angry messages about things I don't do (regarding our mother), and I haven't responded. Does he just seem jealous? I'm not sure what to think and am so mad at him about his comments, I am thinking of blocking his number. Any other brides had or have this ordeal? I am very hurt by his words and angry. I have even thought about telling him not to text me and not look at our ceremony video. But don't want to fuel his fire. Please help.

9 Comments

Latest activity by M. W., on October 30, 2019 at 9:12 PM
  • K
    Dedicated October 2019
    Katherine ·
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    Being angry seems over the top. You chose a destination wedding because it was cheaper for y’all... knowing that it puts a burden on your friends and family. Your brother expressed dissatisfaction. It’s impolite of him for sure and I’d be annoyed... but I would try not to dwell to the point of anger.
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  • mrsanda
    VIP March 2017
    mrsanda ·
    • Flag
    I wouldn’t be mad I would just let go. If it’s too much trouble for your mom to go than let that go too. I would stay strong and just ignore what negative people say. You did the right thing to invite him and that’s all you can do.
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  • Alejandra
    Super November 2021
    Alejandra ·
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    He doesn’t sound jealous, just immature. Let him wallow in his misplaced misery and have the wedding you want.
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  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
    • Flag

    VIPs not being able to afford to attend is a definite downside to destination wedding. This can lead to hurt feels all around, but that is just how this works out in some cases. I agree with the others that I would try very hard to let go of your anger and just express disappointment that he won't be there and then let it go.

    The mom issues sound very taxing, but your brother isn't to blame for your mom not having her life together.

    I couldn't afford to go to my brother's destination wedding in Spain (from the US) and my dad never let me forget it until he died. It sucked to have that guilt trip laid on me, especially since this was my brother's second wedding ceremony (to the same woman) and I *did* attend the first one *and* they got divorced a couple of years later. Anyway, don't hold not attending your wedding against your brother forever.

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  • M. W.
    Just Said Yes December 2019
    M. W. ·
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    I guess I should clarify something. I'm not hurt or angry my brother won't be able to attend. I will be sad if my mom isn't coming. What my brother said about my fiance and I being selfish is what upset me the most. He was blatantly being mean to us about my mom coming and both my fiance and I have boiled it down to possible jealousy. No word yet if my mom wants to come, if she does, that's great. If not, I will be sad that she won't be there. I just want her to be there for this day.
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  • M. W.
    Just Said Yes December 2019
    M. W. ·
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    I agree and have calmed down a bit since this post. I understand people can't make it, and was sad, but happy that we could just relax and have our day. It's what my brother said that upset me the most. We have recently talked to each other and are working through it. I'm still upset by what he said, but happy he is receptive to how I am feeling about his response. He did agree he was upset we were able to make an exception to our rule about not paying for others to be there for, and was being selfish. So at least we are talking through it.
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  • M. W.
    Just Said Yes December 2019
    M. W. ·
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    I completely understand. I don't blame my brother or other siblings for mom's issues. I have come accept her issues are her own after several years.

    I am really upset for the way he talked to my fiance and I. My brother and I are currently talking. I laid out how I was feeling and how his words upset me and my fiance. He seems to understand, but not completely. What he said upset me more than anything, then his following message were very accusatory of my work ethic and made me feel very bad for no reason. It was hurtful.

    I will be sad if my mom can't make it to our wedding. I won't, in any way, be angry with her or my brother if they can't attend.
    • Reply
  • Naikesha
    Super September 2020
    Naikesha ·
    • Flag

    Good Luck ion your wedding. Glad you and your brother got a chance to talk. And I hope your mom can make it.


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  • M. W.
    Just Said Yes December 2019
    M. W. ·
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    Thank you Naikesha! I hope so as well!
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