Brother as groomsman

If you want him in the wedding party you can have him on your side as a bridesman.

Why would your FH ask him to be a groomsman if they aren’t close? If you want him in your wedding, ask him to stand on your side.

My brother was a bridesman

Agree with everyone else.

View Quoted Comment Are you close with your brother?

View Quoted Comment We are as close as we can be living in different parts of the country

View Quoted Comment What's a bridesman?

View Quoted Comment A bridesmaid who is male.

I think everyone's forgetting that there are other roles besides just bridesmaids and groomsmen. What about ushers? An usher isn't a huge role but he could escort your mom down to aisle and make sure people get to the correct side during the ceremony and sign the guestbook (or whatever you're having people sign) and find/get to their tables for the reception.
How formal is your wedding going to be?
How traditional?Have him be the person vendors (or a handful of them) talk to day of (Bride Stress Manager, if you will)... What roles do you plan on having? Maybe your brother could fill one of the ones that doesn't require your FH to enjoy his company. Choosing groomsmen is as deeply personal, if not more so, for a groom as selecting bridesmaids is for a bride. I agree with your FH in that if they're not close he shouldn't HAVE to have him as a groomsman. If you choose to have him on YOUR side, that's your choice or pick a different role for him or, as your FH suggested, leave him out. I personally don't think that him leaving you out of his wedding was 1) a reason to leave him out of yours because 2) if yall are close, it was probably more of his wife's decision (yall know we brides do most of the planning; the grooms pick us, their groomsmen, have input on: budget, colors, flowers, venue, cake and catering options and RARELY do they do much else. It's not a bad thing, just the norm). So unless he said it was his choice, assume it wasn't. As has been shown by this thread, most people forget the "lesser" roles. They're still important! The possibilities are only as limited as your relationship and your vision.

View Quoted Comment First off I just wanted to make sure thank you for taking your time and typing all that. You are totally right that there are other roles and better fit for him anyways.


My wedding is in june, 120 people, trying to be elegant but laid back.
Thanks

View Quoted Comment You're so welcome! I hate seeing other brides stress about where to fit all of their important male people or fret about having too many close females. Ushers and guests (bc let's not forget how important that role is too) are easy go-tos no matter how big the wedding is. obviously a smaller wedding will need fewer (like yours) whereas a larger wedding needs more (like ours (1000ppl, February 2021, Relaxing Royalty(formal AND fun)).
Personally, the only person I've stressed about how to include so far is my FH's dad. That's only because I haven't met them yet (distance is a thing. Lol). I know once I do, though, I'll know exactly where to put him.
Enjoy the process!

View Quoted Comment 1000 people oh my goodness. I couldn't imagine I'm stressing enough for $120..... When u start looking at invitations I found a place that will do my invites for . 99 each. I have to wait to see exactly the quality but can't beat the price.... Thanks again

View Quoted Comment 😂 We get that reaction a LOT. 😂 Honestly, I think I would be more stressed if it was a smaller number. Worrying about dietary constraints and if I ought to make sure we have enough options for everyone without stretching a budget too far, if certain people would like it, who to invite (120 ppl leaves out a LOT of both of our families not to mention friends).

View Quoted Comment Initially I was shocked about the numbers too. Then I realized, the more I get into it, it's a blessing bc with 1000ppl we know we'll have all kinds of sensitivities, we can invite whomever we want, and as for other people liking it, we know somebody won't like it (can't please everybody). The difficulty part has been finding vendors that have even done a wedding close to the size of ours on Oahu(max we've found was a vendor who had worked a wedding for 875).

You can either have him on your side as a bridesman or include him in some other way, like having him do a reading, be an usher, etc. I don't think its fair to force your FH to include a groomsmen that he doesn't have a strong relationship with.

My FH has a sister who is a bit dramatic, high maintenance, and nutty and with whom he isn't particularly close, and I asked him if he thought she or his family expected her to be a bridesmaid and he was like "Hell no!" which was a relief to me. I was so grateful. She isn't a bad person but it would have been really awkward to have to include her in everything and would have taken a lot away from my experience to try to make her feel welcome.

I'd have him as a bridesman or an usher. My brother was a groomsmen, but my husband and my brother had a great relationship prior.

My brother didn’t include me in his wedding.
I had people come up and ask me how I knew the groom.
Long story short, I’m getting married in November and he decided not to be there on my day. I didn’t think he’d be like that. To me, If they care, they show it.

View Quoted Comment Ya my 120 guest list is starting to be harder then i thought...... I'm closer to 150 now... Ahhh..... Did u say u found a venue to hold 1000 people??

View Quoted Comment We've actually found multiple, with the added challenge of finding one on a beach because we both have our hearts set on having a beach wedding

View Quoted Comment I'm sorry, this sounds to me like bitter siblings. 🤷🏾‍♀️ Grudge holders. If it's not, please explain bc obviously, the bride who posed the question has a different set of family values than you do.