Bringing Up Marriage to Parent! Help!

I don’t know how your parents are but I always think it’s a good idea for the boyfriend to ask the dad for his blessing . It just shows a lot of respect. If you want to tell him yourself I would just tell him how you feel about your boyfriend and show him you guys have a plan for the future . I’m sure your dad just wants the best for you . And I always tell people taking a gap year usually isn’t a good idea it makes it so much harder to go back . I’m not saying for everyone i know people that have taken gap years or wait five years and they go back and graduate but in my opinion it makes it harder . Hope I helped ya a little

My best advice would be to be honest with your dad, but understand that plenty of people nowadays get no help financially from parents for their wedding and there’s a good chance he won’t approve of you getting married so young. I’d also think long and hard about how you and your future husband plan to support yourselves as a married couple. Not everyone has to go to college, but having an idea of the career you’d like to have is an important part of discussing your financial future. In addition, while I know plenty of couples that got married young and things worked out, I also know plenty of couples (myself and my ex-husband included) who got married young and it didn’t work out. If you truly plan to marry next year regardless, spend this next year in pre-marital counseling making sure you’re getting on the same page and having the difficult conversations that come with marriage sometimes.

I'm giving advice from a good place as I got married when I was 18 and I regretted it the marriage lasted 2 years and it was pure hell. Not saying that yours will be bad, just saying your a diffrent person at 18 than you are when your 21 or 25. I think you should have a honest heart to heart with your dad and have your boyfriend ask his permission and or blessing because it's the right thing to do, I would also suggest you wait until after you graduate and get a job if he is the one than why not wait? I am 32 and I have finally found a man who is amazing beyond words I would highly suggest waiting until you graudate and consider your dads feelings on the matter

View Quoted Comment Oh yeah, for sure! I definitely want my boyfriend to ask my dad for the blessing, but I did want to kinda ease my dad into it. Like maybe just bring up the idea of me getting married young so that it wouldn’t come as a huge shocker when my boyfriend does ask.


Also thank you for the advice about college! I just didn’t want to go into college without knowing what I want to do yet, I don’t want to waste money on something I’ll hate
Thank you so much!

View Quoted Comment You’re welcome! I was the same way didn’t know what i wanted to do I think going kinda helps you figure it out ! And yea ease him into it is probably a good idea lol

View Quoted Comment Yeah, I don’t really know if he’d help too much with the wedding financially. My family struggles a bit financially so I didn’t want to have a huge wedding, maybe just something small with family and friends.


My future husband is going into the Army so the benefits that come with that, along with me getting a job, would help a lot. I talk to him about those types of things often because I’m the type of person who likes to have it all planned out (even though I really don’t know what I want to do yet), and I ask about his opinions so that we can both hear each other out and be on the same page.
I would love to do pre-marital counseling! I don’t know how that would really work with him being gone though, he’s actually leaving next month for the Army, but I’ll talk to him about the idea for sure!
Thank you so much for the response!

View Quoted Comment
I really want to talk to my dad about it, but him and I don’t really have the best relationship and I’m just worried he wouldn’t be open to it and then try to argue about it and be mad instead of trying to see my side. I definitely do want my boyfriend to ask for his blessing, but I also want to maybe put the idea in my dad’s head that I want to get married soon, just so that he wouldn’t be too shocked or upset.

My boyfriend and I both decided to wait until I graduate high school before we get engaged, and then plan to marry later that year. I would wait until I graduate college, but I don’t know what I want to do yet and I wouldn’t want to waste money on something I may not stay passionate about. I do want to get a job, but it’d probably just be the type of job that college students would have because I don’t have a set career yet.
Originally, I did want to wait until I was older, but my boyfriend is going into the Army and I can’t stay at my dad’s house (family issues). I’m thinking a way I can convince my dad is that I will have benefits since my husband will be in the Army and my dad just wants me to go to college and make money, but I’m definitely not planning on telling him that I don’t know what I want to do yet.
Thank you so much for the response!

View Quoted Comment You think so? I feel like it’d be too much pressure trying to do my work on top of trying to figure out what I’m good at lol

I do think 18 is a little young and I agree with the PP about being a different person at 21 and 25. I'm most certainly not the same person I was at 18. I went to college, and then graduate so I have a way of taking care of myself now. If you aren't going to college, what are your plans if I may ask? How will your boyfriend who may become your husband be able to sustain not only himself but you as well? These are things your father may want to know so it's best to have a plan especially because finances are a huge part of marriage. And I think it's best if your boyfriend brings it up to your dad. That just shows respect and maturity. Even if your dad gets upset, he is your father and just wants the best for you! Good luck!

As a pp mentioned your bf should ask for your parents blessing. Also nowadays it’s no longer the brides parents to pay for the wedding, so I wouldn’t expect this. If you’re wanting to get married next year, I’d suggest saving towards it AND if your parents offer to help (GREAT) do not expect it.


In the meantime talk to your dad about relationships, get his feel for things. 18 is very young and he’s going to ask how you two will pay for things, work, survive. These are all very important things to consider as you move into getting married.
Are your bfs parents going to pay for any part of the wedding?

I agree with what everyone else has said, so I won't repeat it. I just wanted to add that you should really think about what you want in your own life before getting married. Marriage is for the long haul. You want to make sure that your plans and goals are compatible with your spouse's. If you don't know what you want you want to do with your life yet, that's ok. Most 17 year olds don't. However, how can you be sure that your plans for the future will align with your husband's if you don't know what those plans are? This puts you in the potential position of living your life around his. Even if you don't know what you want to do, most colleges require general education courses, so you can get those out of the way. You can also go to a community college first to save some money. Also, you said in one reply, "Originally, I did want to wait until I was older, but my boyfriend is going into the Army and I can’t stay at my dad’s house (family issues)." Do not get married just so you have a place to live away from your dad and because of the choices someone else is making for his life. Do things because YOU want to. There are ways to support yourself once you graduate. It sucked, but I also had a not so great home life. I was able to pay my rent in NYC by working full time at Starbucks while going to college. Sure, it was a crappy basement studio and I never did anything fun. But I did what I had to do because my home life was abusive. A few other co-workers I had were doing the same. I strongly urge you to figure out you before marriage. Your marriage will be healthier for it. And what people are saying about not being the same person at 18 as 25 is a medical fact. Your frontal lobe, the part of your brain that is responsible for executive functioning and your personality is basically just forming right now in your teen years and doesn't completely finish until around 25 years old. This is why it's not uncommon for teenagers to not know what they want to do with their lives. Their brains are literally still forming their personalities.

What’s the rush to get married? I feel like if you have to ask how to present marriage to your parents, then maybe this isn’t the right decision. I won’t lecture you, it’s your life. All I know is, I was with my first bf for 6 years from 16-22...and I’m so glad we didn’t end up together lol though at the time I swore I was in love and we’d marry but our life eventually took us to very different paths and values as we got older. Though, there are few (they’re the exception) like my mom who got married at 17 to my dad and they’ve been married for 46 years but it was very hard and a lot of growing up to do. Situations they faced in sure most would’ve just divorced lol. I think it had to do with maturity levels as well.

View Quoted Comment I am no help when it comes to talking with your father but please listen carefully to what I can say about the military. Being a military spouse is not for everyone. It takes a very strong WOMAN(or man) to be a military spouse. You are not just marrying your BF but you will also be marrying the Army (I know he is not in yet). Some people do not understand this. If he enjoys it as much as I did being in the Navy, he will be very committed to his job and his Army Family. You will be there to support him and support the Army. Please think about everything that entails, can you handle the long deployments, talking about death and funerals and wills? When you do have kids, can you be a mother, who will take care of the household on your own as well as kids for months at a time? Can you see yourself moving every 3-4 years, not seeing your family as often as you might like? You will make friends and so will your kids, but you may have to move and leave those friends behind or your friends who may also be in the Army will move and leave you behind. These are just a few of the things that I have witnessed and what my Ex-husband had to deal with when I was in the military. It is a stressful life that can lead to infidelity and divorce. Please go through pre-marital counseling first. Also, the benefits are good but not a reason to marry IMHO.


I hope this helps. Good Luck!!

Wanting to talk to your dad about possibly getting married is one thing, but going into it with the expectation that he will save money to pay for your wedding is not ok. You e said you don’t have a great relationship with your dad, but you expect him to save and pay for your wedding?
I agree with the others that getting married so young is hard and to do it to have a place to live will be even harder. If your boyfriend is going into the Army that will add another dimension to it and there is a very good chance that you will end up spending a lot of time alone. Please please take the time to reflect on your life and what you want for your future. You have your whole life ahead of you and I want you to have everything you truly want from it. Good luck!

View Quoted Comment I agree with y’all too, I know I’m going to grow into a different person the older I get, and I know 18 years old is young to get married, but I do feel like getting married to my boyfriend is a step in the right direction for my life.


At the moment I’m not really planning for college because I don’t exactly know what I want to do yet, but if I do decide to go to college in the future, I would be able to for an extremely reduced cost since I’d have benefits when my boyfriend’s in the Army. At the moment I’m just planning for a college student type job wherever he gets stationed.
I want to be able to help with finances, but I also want to make sure I don’t end up wasting time and money on something I no longer want to do (I have quite a few ideas of different careers I might want to do).
Also, is there any way you think he could go about it? Like is there any way to ease into that type of conversation?
Thank you so much!!

View Quoted Comment THIS. I'd caution the OP about making life changing decisions during a life changing time.
This is such an exciting time to get to know yourself as an adult person making your own choices out of your parent's direct influence. Show your future self how smart you are - take the steps to set up your future self now, as an individual.
When two capable individuals come together to make a partnership, it can be so beautiful. I really hope you make time to grow and learn about yourself as a person - not a daughter, not a wife, but as a woman. Whatever you decide, best of luck. You have to live your own life and walk it yourself, regardless of the advice you get here.

View Quoted Comment Of course! I definitely want him to be the one to ask for the blessing, I was just wondering if there was any way for me to ease my dad into that type of conversation or possibly give him some type of heads up.


My mom has talked to me a bit about helping to pay for a wedding, and my dad could be open to it, but I totally agree that I shouldn’t expect it. I’ll definitely be saving as much as I can!
I’ll see what I can do about talking to him about relationship type stuff, I do know he likes my boyfriend but I definitely don’t know how he feels about marriage in general.
I’m not sure about my boyfriend’s parent’s yet, as I’m encouraging him to talk to them about marriage too.
Thank you!!

View Quoted Comment College isn't for everyone and that's understandable! I'd say just make sure you have a plan for whatever it is you do want to do! I'm young myself , 24 but will be 25 this year and I can say that although I am a different person than I was years ago, I'm glad that I had a plan and stuck to it before getting married. Things will change when you're married and once you have a family it may make it more difficult to accomplish things you desire to accomplish. Ultimately it's your decision, but do have a plan even if the plan doesn't include college!


And what about the two of you talking to your father together? That would be a great idea. Just letting him know that you're serious about being with one another. Allow your boyfriend to lead the conversation so your father can see how serious he is. Before doing this though, I recommend discussing a plan with your boyfriend about how you two will pay for the wedding (your parents aren't obligated to pay but if they do, great!) , And will finance your lives after marriage. These are important things a father would want to hear from the man who will marry his daughter. Once you two have discussed these things then it should be easier to bring up to your father. Hope this helps!

Actually, this sounds like a good time to move in together and see how you both handle major life changes first.


If you’re determined to get married first, I would ask for your father’s understanding and support but know you might not get it. He might want you to wait.
Also, these days most couples pay for their own wedding. Do you not ask anyone for money. If they can/want to contribute they will.

View Quoted Comment I’ve definitely been thinking a lot about what I want to do, and every idea that I’ve had about the future, my boyfriend has encouraged me to no end as long as it’s what I want, the only problem is I really don’t know yet. If it ends up having to be a long distance relationship because of the way our careers go, I understand, but I would much rather be with him. Whenever he gets stationed I would be able to live on base with him and then get a job (or go to college if I finally know what I want to do). I also planned for some colleges that allow online classes in case distance was an issue.


My boyfriend is deciding to go into Infantry and I know I should definitely prepare for deployments, so I know it’s a possibility that I will have a lot of time to myself. If, by that time, I have some general idea of what I want in a career, I’d want to apply to college and make use of the benefits that would allow me to actually achieve a college education.
Also in the reply, as well as “older” I meant I wanted to wait until I graduated college, but I’d go into debt if I went into college without the benefits that I’d have if we were married. My boyfriend really wants me to use his GI Bill for college if that’s what I want, so there’s no issue there, but I’m still trying to figure all that out first.
I really do want to marry him because I love him, and on top of that, he wants me to be able to do the things I want and he’d help me get there and encourage me along the way. If I absolutely needed to, I could live with my mom (we have a great relationship), and we could plan getting married for the year after what we planned, which is something we’ve talked a bit about, but we both like the idea of getting married on the date we have already.
Also I’m so sorry to hear about your home life, I hope all is well now!
And it makes me happy to know I’m normal for not knowing what I want to do; all of my friend’s know what they’re going to college for and I feel really behind.
Thank you so much!!