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Beginner October 2020

Bridezilla vs. standing up for yourself

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Brittini, on September 20, 2019 at 12:27 AM

How do you know when you’re crossing the line when you put your foot down? My parents are paying for most my wedding and I’m very very grateful and understand they don’t have to do that and therefore I need to respect their wishes. I do love them and know this is a huge step for them too not just me. But when can I put my foot down with certain decisions? I’m not trying to be hyper-controlling but this is obviously a big day!! Some people keep telling me it’s “just a day” and that “in the grand spectrum it isn’t a big deal”. But that kinda just makes it seem less special and not meaningful if you put it that way. So what do I let go and what can I be picky or particular on without seeming like the dreaded bridezilla we see on ‘Say Yes to the Dress’ ? An example I guess would be the guest list. My parents have only just recently started hanging out with this couple and their kids. They have this close group of friends who all us kids call “aunt” and “uncle” due to the fact our true relatives live in another state. Because this couple and their kids have just joined the “friend group” I wasn’t going to invite them to the wedding. They don’t know me and I don’t know them. I have limited seating and would rather fill 4 seats with 4 people I want to be there. When I finally let my mom have her way to invite the couple I stated that I’d rather not invite their kids. I do have some kids invited to the wedding but I’m trying to keep it contained if you get what I’m saying. Am I over reacting? (Probably) but when is enough enough?

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25 Comments

Expert May 2019
Kat · on September 21, 2019 at 10:22 PM
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Omg you guys are both nuts. OF COURSE if someone pays they get a say! I think you’d be hard pressed to find anyone else that agrees with you.
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Beginner October 2020
Brittini · on September 21, 2019 at 11:56 PM
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My parents do get a say. They’ve gotten a majority of the say. But ultimately I’ve decided it is in fact my day. My mom got her day and got to make all the decisions and didn’t pay a single dime. I’m paying for some things as well as my FMIL and FFIL AND my FH. So them taking over on some things I am going to bring up to them and hopefully they realize that this day is meant to celebrate all of us and not just those who paid “the majority” of it. Because ultimately if I refused their money and paid for it all myself I think they’d be hurt. They wanna help me start my life by celebrating it in any way they can.
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Super October 2020
Fmv · on September 22, 2019 at 12:06 AM
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Ick! I didnt realize this was the 1950s. Most etiquette is so out dated. I dont agree with the
" no pay no say" if that was the case, then what are the bride and groom supposed to do, just show up the day of and not plan anything?
Yes if they are paying they should maybe have some say, but not the dividing factor. My ffil is giving us some money but he does not expect to have say on everything, he wants to invite a few friends and he just wants occasional updates. I personally dont think you are overreacting at all. You stated you dont know these new friends and they dont know you...its simple as that, they would make no emotional connection to the wedding. They would be invited basically to hangout with your parents
Tell your mom this is still your wedding and that you are very grateful they are paying and helping but then you will not be inviting those people.
So sorry you are going through this and that you are being put in such an akward spot leading up to your big day
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Devoted October 2019
Summer · on September 22, 2019 at 12:13 AM
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I don't think you are over reacting at all. Make the guest list with the people who YOU (and FH) want there, and if there is room then there is room (if not, then sorry 🤷). This is where you you guys should sit down and maybe make a list of what needs to be there or what needs to happen (what are some things that are most important to you guys).
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Beginner October 2020
Brittini · on September 22, 2019 at 1:40 PM
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☺️ thank you. After all this I think I’m definitely decided on trying to make a (polite and respectful) stand. But knowing I’m not being rude and disrespectful I think was my biggest worry in seeing some of these comments. Seeing some of the more supportive ones though I realize that I think there can be a middle ground made between my parents and I.
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