Bridesmaid/sister issue

I wouldn’t replace her.
But at this point I wouldn’t care if she was in it or not. In other words if she decides to not be a brat and joins in then ok. If she decides to not join then whatever!

She sounds like a giant headache to be honest

Totally agree with the PP. Don’t replace her! Just ignore her and see if she shows up.

I'd get rid of her, she seems like she is going to be a lot of stress. I get that she is your sister but just because she is doesn't mean she gets to treat you like crap and still be in your wedding. She is going to just drag you down on a day where your bridesmaids should be lifting you up. If you never really been close with her then her not being in the wedding won't make that big of a deal with your relationship with her. It's like I tell everyone just because they are blood related doesn't mean that you have to put up with their toxic behavior.

The problem is with your sister, you’re not going to change her. You can accept her the way she is or not. She’s obviously jealous that you’re in a successful relationship and wants you to be insecure. You have a choice, you can ignore her insecurities or you can fight with her about it. I’d let it go if it were me.

View Quoted Comment You’re right, she will never change but she has moments where I think I will be able to have a relationship with her then she turns back to being mean. I wish I would’ve never caved in and had her be in the party. It’s so hurtful hearing someone constantly saying you’re going to get divorced during what’s suppose to be such a beautiful time. We’re both very different people, and I’m very sensitive I guess.

View Quoted Comment It all comes from jealousy, just tune her out. I know easier said. But if you let her get into your head, she will win and you’ll be so focused on her words you’ll forget to live your happy life.
Don’t give her that control! You’re better than that!

I REALLY want to say that you shouldn't let her be in your wedding, and that you wouldn't regret excluding her because you'll be a lot less stressed on your wedding day and she sounds like a toxic person so you might be better off spending less time with her anyway. But, you mentioned her not letting you see your niece, which means she might actually make you regret not including her. Is there anyway you could convince her to be in the wedding, but just show up right before it starts so you don't have to spend the day with her/listening to her negativity?

That's just horrible. I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. If they are around the same size and she doesn't want to be in it then I don't see why she can't give the other girl her dress. I can see her wanting some money back for the dress but like why you have to act like that. She's just jealous because she is a single mom and can't keep a man and you are over here getting married to the love of your life and your going to make such a gorgeous bride. She wants what you have so she is trying to put you down. I had a best friend like that. She was always putting me down every minute she could. I buy a car she points out every scratch on the car and tell me I'm an idiot for buying the car. I got engaged and told her and she only texted me cool, then when I told her it was his grandmothers ring she told me "I knew it, I told my mom it looked like a used hammydown". So when I picked out my bridesmaids and MOH she was pissed because she wasn't in the wedding. I ended the friendship and it was like a weight off my shoulders.

Don't include her.

I ordinarily would like other PPs say to include her because you'll regret it, but in this case, I wouldn't flinch about giving her the boot.

Being family does not entitle your sister to act like an ahole nor does it justify her behaviour in the slightest.

The mean comments, public embarrassment, and immature behaviour are bad enough as it is. The fact that she's jealous and is projecting divorce on you is a whole other thing. I personally could not imagine my own sister as a bridesmaid if she were anticipating my divorce.

I have a feeling that based on what you've said of her behavior, she will probably act the same regardless of her status as a bridesmaid. I would go with the backup just in case, and if your sister decides to shape up the day of, you'll just have an extra! Or she could bring an extra dress and just be a guest. But overall, she seems like a pain in the butt that you probably can't really do much about. Gotta love difficult family lol! (not! )

I say do whichever is going to be less stressful for you. The last thing you want is to be excessively stressed day of and have to worry if someone is going to show or not. Since it sounds like you've never been close and this isn't a one time argument, I see no problem in having someone else step in to give you peace of mind on your wedding day and to be there to make your day exactly what you want

No way would I have someone who doesn't respect my relationship stand up in my wedding.

My sister and I kind of have a similar relationship. At one point she decided she did not want to be in the wedding. My mom kept pushing but on my sister's own terms she apologized. I do not think you should have anyone at your wedding and especially not IN your wedding party that is not there to be happy and respect your marriage. That being said, I chose not to include my fiance's brother's baby mama (I know, its obnoxious) and that was more of a headache than if I had. Someone somewhere is going to give you a hard time, but it's YOUR DAY! Follow your gut!

Stand your ground and set boundaries. Sharing blood relations does not give anyone a free pass to verbally/emotionally abuse anyone or treat them like they're crazy/childish when it's pointed out. Do not replace your sister as a bridesmaid or let resume the role. Your family should be ashamed of treating you so badly. It's your wedding and only you make the decisions of who is a bridesmaid, who makes the guestlist, etc. With how they are bullying you to accept the abuse as normal behavior, I wouldn't invite any of them who support your sister over you and are guilting you for standing up for yourself. By doing that, they aren't supportive of you at all so you would be within your rights to cancel and start a new guestlist from scratch since uninviting isn't an option unfortunately. None of that behavior is ever ok from anyone.

Your wedding is about you and the person you love. The people apart of the wedding and the guests, should most definitely be supportive of your relationship and wish nothing but the best for you. She clearly does not - sister or not, I would not keep her in my wedding party. She blatantly disses you, says you'll get a divorce, and bashes your ring... You don't deserve that. You most likely won't regret it either, if she's always been so cruel.

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Hun, the moments that are constant show her true nature. Honestly, this is abusive behavior, and the small moments of kindness are to keep you around when she wants it. I also wouldn’t replace her, and I’d let her walk away. I’d also disinvite her all together. You don’t need that stress on your day. The people next to you should be the ones who support you 100%. This is def not her. It’s your day, and you have the right to choose who you want, and to choose yourself!

Sounds so familiar. You shouldn’t let her ruin your day and put your foot down towards your family. Your family should have your back. Unfortunately, people like her exist and I seriously thought I wrote this post myself. I am not forced to include her (yet) thankfully and COVID has been a heaven sent because if it continues, she won’t be able to travel.
The way I deal with it is to ignore her. It’s not worth the stress and honestly, it’s hard. I’ve had to deal with this for a long time like you and the way she treats you is unacceptable. Don’t let her use your niece as leverage. She sounds like a selfish human being who needs to grow up.
I wouldn’t have her there but if you must, put her at a table far away from you.

Don't replace her and let her come if she wishes. She sounds like a spoiled brat who likes to rain on other's parades, so just try to ignore her.

Honestly, my philosophy has always been that just because you're related by blood does not mean that the person is entitled to a certain role in your life. She sounds like a toxic, unsupportive presence to say the least. I would kick her a** right out. You deserve people in your life who are excited for you and your fiance. I worry that she will make comments on your day and stress you out. You deserve nothing but joy on your big day!! Fully support whatever is best for you ultimately, but just know that as someone who has cut immediate family out of my life due to their behavior (who will NOT be at my wedding!), your well-being is WAY more important than the lie that blood entitles a person to the privilege of being in important roles in your life.

(man, is that too harsh? I'm kinda passionate about this topic due to my own circumstances)

Wishing you all the best!! Congrats on your big day

I don't think a backup bridesmaid is appropriate - either include your sister or don't and have one less bridesmaid than originally intended.

She sounds pretty toxic. I think you were right to not include her in the first place, and am sorry you are having to deal with complex family dynamics surrounding your wedding. Now that she has been invited and since dropped out, whether or not to "suck it up" and include her is up to you. Her decision to drop out is hers alone, and I would not feel obligated to beg her to come back, especially since her not being a part of your bridal party sounds like what you both want.

I do think replacing her with another bridesmaid would be a mistake. It would just put salt in the wound and aggravate tensions. It could also unfairly make your fiances cousin a target of some really nasty commentary by your sister and possibly others, so don't put someone you like in that position.