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Breanna
Savvy October 2020

Bridesmaids

Breanna, on July 30, 2020 at 2:01 AM Posted in Planning 0 25
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Ok so I need someone to set me straight if I am being crazy. I occasionally post in a group chat with my bridemaids to keep them updated especially now since we are a few months away... but none of them respond. I am starting to get upset about it... normally I let these things go because I want a fun and easy going wedding.


I posted about 2 weeks ago about how I need to know everybody’s hair and makeup decisions because I hired people to come do professional hair and makeup ( they still have to pay for their own but I paid for the people to come to the venue) this is a ZERO pressure situation.. they don’t have to get professional anything I trust they will look amazing! ( they all are natural beauties) but only one of my 8 bridemaids/PA commented. I will add they have been asked 4 times within a 12 month period what they want. I have a lot of bridesmaids who change their minds constantly but I put in the post I need an answer.
Then today I gave the official update we are not changing our date, and that they have first dibs on hotel rooms before info goes out to guests... I left the discussion open for them to figure out if they want their own room or to split costs with another bridal party member... NOBODY said anything. As well as info on my bridal shower. Once again a no pressure situation because they don’t have to get a hotel room.
Am I crazy to think that they don’t want to be in the wedding anymore? I’m blaming covid and getting really into my head about it. Has anyone else had this issue? I don’t want to be pushy, and I don’t want to bombard them constantly... but I’m getting extremely worried. They all still talk to me but just not about wedding things. I swear I am not one of those brides who only talks about their wedding... I actual avoid it because the world doesn’t revolve around me, and people don’t want to know every little thing.
I have so far planned everything myself, my fiancé is ZERO help... love him with all my heart but he’s focused on work and I recently lost my job so I mean if the shoe fits? Am I becoming the horrible bridezilla? How do I get these girls to respond? Or do I just move on and they have to deal with not having a hotel room or someone to do their hair and makeup because they never said anything?

25 Comments

Latest activity by Angel, on July 31, 2020 at 1:53 PM
  • Melle
    Rockstar June 2019
    Melle Online ·
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    I don’t think it’s that they don’t wanna be in the wedding. This is just one of those classic cases of where bridesmaids just aren’t as interested as we want them to be Smiley sad I know when I was wedding planning my bridesmaids definitely didn’t seem all that interested and then it got Me wondering if I was just talking about my own wedding too much or if I was being this and that, etc.
    the gist is some people aren’t gonna be as excited or as involved as we hope :/ it’s actually really common
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  • Tori
    Dedicated November 2020
    Tori ·
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    Yes I feel you 100%. I was in a similar boat. I was trying not to always talk wedding, but sometimes a brides gotta do wha she’s gotta do. I do talk with my 4 bridesmaids on a weekly/semiweekly basis, so when I need something from them I casually just bring it up in conversation. I have found they are a lot more responsive when I contact them directly than in the group chat... I get no where in a group chat. Not sure if it’s because they don’t all know each other or what... but it kinda drives me crazy too 😂
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  • A
    Expert October 2021
    Ashley ·
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    Are you sure they’re reading them? I keep group chats muted and don’t always notice if something was said. It could also be that they don’t think it necessarily needs a response. I’m currently in a group chat with the other bridesmaids for my friend’s wedding. They typically don’t respond when I update them about her shower or bachelorette since I’m just providing information. If I do ask for their input and don’t get it, I just make the decision myself. (At least they cannot say they weren’t asked.)

    Since you need a definite answer about hair and makeup, I would contact each woman individually. That way, you ensure they’re getting the message and make it harder for them to ignore.
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  • Caitlin
    Expert January 2021
    Caitlin ·
    • Flag
    This is somewhat normal. Most brides have a difficult time getting their gals to engage/respond unless it benefits them. My sister-in-law has issues out of her girls and I sure as heck have them out of mine. It can't be that you're annoying them or talking too much about the wedding because I've only sent one text out to my girls and they've already given me issues. I read posts like this a ton about the bridesmaids not responding except for one or two that never fail to respond. I agree with Melle - it's not a ton of fun for them and they'll never been as engaged as we want them to be. Sorry you're going through this. Hope it gets better!!!
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  • Breanna
    Savvy October 2020
    Breanna ·
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    So secretly was trying to avoid the fact that it’s a fb group page chat... I’m kinda embaresssd about it... I felt it was a bit overboard... but here I am 😂 So yes I know they have all seen it. But maybe you are right, a personal text would work best. Thinking about it now I probably should connect with them on a personal level... I do appreciate them, they have been nothing but supportive, they just aren’t the most responsive group... 😬
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  • Breanna
    Savvy October 2020
    Breanna ·
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    It is super helpful tho to know that I’m not the only one dealing with this! I personally cannot ‘ignore’ posts, when I was a bridesmaid I was super responsive but that’s just my own personality trait. Don’t you hate it when you give someone else your all but others don’t necessarily reciprocate 🙃
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  • Breanna
    Savvy October 2020
    Breanna ·
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    THANK YOU! I needed to hear that. I was really in my head and self conscious about everything... but you really brought rationality back into my mind. Ever since I found these forums I felt alone and now I feel so so much better! It’s extremely therapeutic without harassing other people who don’t want to hear about it!
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  • Breanna
    Savvy October 2020
    Breanna ·
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    It’s so hard not to talk about it, I find myself telling my brain to just stop! I know I must get annoying sometimes. I was in a wedding for a bride from hell. She wouldn’t talk with you unless it was about her wedding.


    Example of how unreal she was she asked me to be her backup PA, then her PA, then a Bridesmaid, then MOH because three girls dropped out of her wedding! Glad that one is over. Even to this day she still talks about it... 🙃
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  • Tori
    Dedicated November 2020
    Tori ·
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    Wow, that girl hella extra.


    I do feel I may come off as a little extra, but I think it’s mostly in my head.... like you too. You seem pretty reasonable allowing them to pick their hair style. I’m asking mine to wear their’s up... I’m sure you are fine just need to reach out one-on-one 🙂
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  • mrswinteriscoming
    Expert December 2021
    mrswinteriscoming ·
    • Flag
    I think you’ve just got a case of bridesmaids who haven’t quite paid much attention to the group chat. Literally EVERY single time I see a post on here about bridesmaids in a group chat it’s this exact type of post.
    I think you need to be stern with them and just say if they don’t respond to your questions you’ll be forced to make the decisions on their behalf. And give them deadlines to respond to you before you do that!
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  • Mindy
    Super November 2020
    Mindy ·
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    I understand where you’re at.
    Lately, I feel like when I send messages in our group chat that I get blatantly ignored and other things are talked about instead.
    I’m trying not to get in my feelings about it because we have other more pressing stressors, especially since we are all teachers.
    I know my girls are thinking about the wedding and related things because they asked/informed me a week ago that they were planning a virtual bridal shower for me.
    But I think right now so many of us are worrying about so many other things that sometimes those are more pressing priorities than an event that is months away.
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  • Margaret
    Rockstar October 2020
    Margaret ·
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    "But maybe you are right, a personal text would work best." - NO, Reach out to them via a phone call, set up a lunch date if possible. Don't leave it to a text. A text is impersonal and often the context does not come across correctly.

    The others have said that our BMs sometimes just aren't are excited as we are. But I personally probably would've silenced a group chat, I do that with my work group chats - A LOT. Personal, one on one is always the most appropriate and kind way to communicate with people especially when they are involved in a very personal and special day to you.

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  • V
    Master July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    Since you've provided the hotel info, I would let them figure that out on their own. As for hair and makeup, I would give them a definite deadline. If you don't hear back, you could call each girl and nicely explain that your hairstylist and makeup artist need to know if they want either service. If you are talking on the phone, I
    It would be rather difficult for them to ignore your question.
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  • Stacey
    Devoted May 2021
    Stacey ·
    • Flag
    Group chats/texts are the worst, esp. with almost 10 (?) people. Reach out to them individually - CALL them (not another text) or meet for lunch/drinks and it will be so much more effective. Like other posters have said, I highly doubt it’s because they don’t want to continue to be a part of your wedding and support you as the bride, and I think a good old-fashioned conversation will alleviate a lot of your concerns and stress.
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  • Alisa
    Devoted August 2020
    Alisa ·
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    I would reach out to each of them individually and ask how they are feeling/ if they are still on board with being in your wedding party.

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  • Ashley
    Dedicated September 2020
    Ashley ·
    • Flag
    I have this same problem! Thank goodness I'm not crazy. My bridesmaids are pretty spread out so I have a group chat too and every time I post info or anything no one says anything or if they do it's barely anything. I don't think they don't want to be in my wedding so I've chalked it up to the fact that they don't really all know each other well or at all so they might just feel weird talking to each other. I'm not sure but I am glad it's not just me!
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  • Tia
    Savvy October 2020
    Tia ·
    • Flag
    Honestly I was having this issue with a few of my bridesmaids at the beginning but now they are all in tune. What I did was had a zoom meeting with everyone and told them my concerns also my maid of honor kinda had a separate convo with everyone too.. I’m pretty easy going but with Covid this process has became alittle more difficult.
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  • Annika
    Expert November 2020
    Annika ·
    • Flag

    Ok this is almost exactly my same situation!!! I only have 3 bridesmaids, and 2 of them live across the country from me. I have everyone in a Instagram group chat and I CANNOT get any of them to ever respond to anything!! The deadline to order their dresses is tomorrow and none of them have gotten their dress, which we decided on three months ago and I have reminded them of at least 3 times since then, that the end of July is the deadline because of shipping delays (especially now with the USPS issue!) and alterations. And any time I ask them for their opinion if they respond they just say "whatever works for you." OMGGG what would work for me is to get your opinion and budget and all that information so I can move on with my planning! UGH! I don't want to seem like a bridezilla either but like I need your cooperation! My narcissistic mother has been more helpful then them lol!!! Plus I don't think they are planning a bach party or a shower for me either which is super disappointing to me. Smiley sad Sorry I know I did't have any advice for you but hopefully now you feel less alone?

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  • Katie
    Expert August 2021
    Katie ·
    • Flag
    I would just move on and let them have to figure out where they are staying on their own and who is doing their hair. It's not your responsibility to make sure they got everything they need. Technically the bridal party is there to help make the brides life a little easier and help her out when she needs it. I did go through this with my one bridesmaid. I asked all the bridesmaids to pick out 5 mint green dress they really like from David's bridal and then I would pick 1 out from every bridesmaids selection that I really liked and then they can try and decide amongst themselves which one would be the dress they all wear. All but one of my bridesmaids did what I asked and I asked the one that didn't for about a month to give me 5 dresses she liked and she never did. So what I did was had the 4 bridesmaids that picked out dresses decided what one they wanted out of the 4 that I had picked. All 4 came to an agreement and when it came to the 5th bridesmaids who didn't pick out dresses I told her she had to wear this dress and that she no longer had a say in the dress.
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  • Brittany
    Rockstar October 2020
    Brittany ·
    • Flag

    I am in the same boat! My FH doesn't really help and I need help with lots of stuff and ideas but he's not really able to, so I get it. My bridesmaids respond a little more than yours but that's because I bother them more and more LOL I want to keep them updated and everything because of what's going on too. I think it's just a classic thing that they don't care as much as we do about our wedding kind of thing. I think they want to be in the wedding, they just may not know how to help?? Honestly, I think with what you have provided them you should now just let them figure it out and maybe give them a date that they need to decide by?? I always think I am being a bridezilla when I want more participation from them but then I know they have lives and things to take care of and just let it go, I guess. They are there if I need the support but I can't put unrealistic expectations on them because this is not their wedding and won't be as excited as I am so it happens (that's me not saying you are or anything). I am glad that I am not the only one feeling like this that's for sure!

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