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Just Said Yes January 2019

Bridesmaids let me down.

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Jocelyn , on January 16, 2019 at 3:58 PM

I just had my wedding last Friday. It went great and everything but now that it’s over, I feel pretty let down by my bridesmaids. I never asked for a lot and was flexible with them. One of them was late to wedding and her husband didn’t even show up until mid-meal service. My other bridesmaid’s boyfriend did the same as well. The first bridesmaid I mentioned canceled on me last minute for makeup, which I still paid for. Her reason was that she made an appointment that day that she literally could’ve taken care of any other day as she’s not working right now. She was late because she didn’t expect the appointment to go on so long and her lyft was delayed. She got a lyft because she told me beforehand that she was going to get drunk. So she prioritized getting wasted over being on time. The other bridesmaids were pretty much just bodies and did not offer any emotional support or anything during that day when I already feeling very overwhelmed. I’m just disappointed and I regret trusting them with one of the biggest days of my life. I didn’t expect them to be super excited but to at least check on me to see if I needed anything during the event. I didn’t even get wedding gifts from them either, which isn’t that important but I got them all gifts. I felt like that was kind of inappropriate given how much money my husband and I paid for the event.
Even today, only one has asked how I’m doing. I’m just not sure if I’m overreacting or if I need to re-evaluate my friendships because I really trusted them. For now I’ve just put distance between us.

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25 Comments

Devoted January 2019
Nett · on January 16, 2019 at 7:42 PM
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Reevaluate, I’m so sorry you had this experience.
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Super August 2019
Tina · on January 16, 2019 at 7:45 PM
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This is really great advise. Focus on what you did get. I'm glad they all made it. And I'm not sure you can really be upset that their dates were late. My best guess is you picked ppl that you're pretty close too..trust and love. So you may not have heard from them because they think your enjoying your new honey. As far as the lack of emotional support...ikr! That's sort of the way the world is going now. People are very self focused Any more and they cant seem to truly be happy for others these days. Sigh. Just take this time to enjoy your new marriage and try to focus on the awesomeness ahead. Xoxo
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Master November 2019
Mrs. S · on January 16, 2019 at 7:53 PM
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I don’t think you need to worry at all about their SOs, or about the gifts. I would be upset about them not offering support during the day and about the one girl getting drunk on purpose and being late. But you are married! I wouldn’t dwell on it.
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VIP August 2013
MAMW · on January 17, 2019 at 10:19 AM
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I think you definitely should be hurt by the bridesmaids showing up late and cancelling things last minute. No matter what we all think bridesmaid "duties" are - the minimum is showing up on time. I would definitely be upset by that.
The only thing I think you should give yourself time to evaluate is how you're feeling in regards to them not asking how you were doing that day and now. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I am not one who agrees with the idea that a bridesmaid is required to provide emotional support throughout the planning process and during the wedding day. Some people aren't good with things like that. Some people can't read that you're stressed out without being told directly - it's not that they're bad people, it's just that it isn't in their personality. And I don't think I've ever reached out to a friend to check on them after a wedding - I understand it's a big moment, but I just don't see that as something that a friend should be judged for. But of course, everyone differs on this particular issue, and that's why instead of saying you shouldn't hold it against them, I would give yourself some time to think about how you want to let this affect your feelings toward your friends.
Good luck, I'm sorry that you're feeling hurt by you're friends.
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Savvy November 2019
SHANNON · on January 17, 2019 at 1:01 PM
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I had a few let me down as well, but I also had a few that stepped up more to help me in their place. Here's my advice: let it go.
The two that let me down were my maid of honor and my other closest friend growing up. They cancelled their hair appointments the morning of the wedding, they were late showing up to the venue, they went and ran their own personal errands and asked if I needed anything and then forgot what I asked for and then got mad at me when I asked if they had them.
Was I mad that they were MIA on my big day? Absolutely. Did it cause me to pause and consider the entire friendship in the moment? Of course. But, it was just one mistake during a long friendship.
It sucks that it happened on your wedding day. You have to be prepared that you may or may not get an apology and you have to be okay with either. Just forgive them. It isn't worth losing the friendships, or having wedding photos that make you angry by seeing them if you let the friendships go.
Let them know your feelings were hurt in a calm and non-defensive way and then let it go. Maybe the space you are putting between them will eventually make them realize how they behaved.
I'm sorry that happened to you, but I hope that you and your new husband have a wonderful life together!!!
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