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Just Said Yes January 2019

Bridesmaids let me down.

Jocelyn , on January 16, 2019 at 3:58 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 25

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I just had my wedding last Friday. It went great and everything but now that it’s over, I feel pretty let down by my bridesmaids. I never asked for a lot and was flexible with them. One of them was late to wedding and her husband didn’t even show up until mid-meal service. My other bridesmaid’s boyfriend did the same as well. The first bridesmaid I mentioned canceled on me last minute for makeup, which I still paid for. Her reason was that she made an appointment that day that she literally could’ve taken care of any other day as she’s not working right now. She was late because she didn’t expect the appointment to go on so long and her lyft was delayed. She got a lyft because she told me beforehand that she was going to get drunk. So she prioritized getting wasted over being on time. The other bridesmaids were pretty much just bodies and did not offer any emotional support or anything during that day when I already feeling very overwhelmed. I’m just disappointed and I regret trusting them with one of the biggest days of my life. I didn’t expect them to be super excited but to at least check on me to see if I needed anything during the event. I didn’t even get wedding gifts from them either, which isn’t that important but I got them all gifts. I felt like that was kind of inappropriate given how much money my husband and I paid for the event.
Even today, only one has asked how I’m doing. I’m just not sure if I’m overreacting or if I need to re-evaluate my friendships because I really trusted them. For now I’ve just put distance between us.

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Latest activity by SHANNON, on January 17, 2019 at 1:01 PM

Master December 2019
Alyssa · on January 16, 2019 at 4:04 PM
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I'm really sorry that your wedding party wasn't perfect in your opinion I hope that you can get people who are better friends to you in the future
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Expert January 2020
Crisa · on January 16, 2019 at 4:06 PM
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I'm so sorry to hear that! I was a bridesmaid only one time but was there as much as possible for my friend even though we lived a pretty far distance from each other. As soon as I flew in I spent every possible moment helping her. I personally think a bridesmaid should be there and pretty much be your right hand. I hope the friendship improves and maybe they can make up for how you're feeling now. Congratulations on your big day!
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Dedicated May 2021
Christina · on January 16, 2019 at 4:08 PM
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I'm going to say they dont see you as much a friend as you see them. I would be in the same position. As it is for me I dont know if my fiances family is going to even come and 6 of them are bridesmaids...19 of them are in gis family minimum. Thts 60$ a head.... Like a big chunk of change for them to not come. Right now they dont like me anymore since my fiance and I split for a little bit of time.:/
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Dedicated November 2020
Alisha · on January 16, 2019 at 4:12 PM
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I'm sooo sorry you feel let down by your bridesmaids! Some posters on here will tell you that expecting more of your BM aside from wearing the dress and standing next you during the ceremony is in bad taste, but I disagree. I think it's only natural for the bride to want some support throughout the planning process and especially on the wedding day.
I think you should try to move past the hurt you're feeling and focus on the good from that day. Taking a step back from them will give you some time to clear your head and sort through the issues you still have regarding their lack of support.
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Super March 2020
Concetta · on January 16, 2019 at 4:12 PM
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I am so sorry gal. I do not think you are over reacting at all! your bridesmaids are supposed to be your support team, especially the day of and the way they and their boyfriend acted was unacceptable! I think you need to re evaluate your friendship with each of them because it is possible they did not take this big day seriously and if they did not they do not value your friendship.
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Master June 2019
Danielle · on January 16, 2019 at 4:13 PM
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I am so sorry you are going through this. I think this is a situation where you might just have to try and let it go or it will eat at you. I'd say tell them how you feel, but honestly it's not like it will change what happened. I fear I will face some of this on my wedding, because of my choice in bridesmaids (I might be having bridesmaid regret). But i'm trying to tell myself to just put all of my thoughts and emotions towards my FH and our love/excitement on our big day....nothing else really matters.
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Expert September 2019
Vanessa · on January 16, 2019 at 4:13 PM
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I’m sorry this happened to you. This is why my FH and I only chose our family
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VIP March 2019
Yoice · on January 16, 2019 at 4:21 PM
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I don’t think you’re overreacting at all but I do think maybe you’re reading certain things wrong. We tend to find a bunch of things wrong once we are on edge about something or someone. I think maybe they just don’t know how to be a bridesmaid or what the tittle entitles which is a lot more than just putting a dress and walking down. A lot of times people think coming to check on you makes you feel more stress and overwhelm. I’m just assuming here.
I think if you have any interest in keeping the friendship maybe be the bigger person and give them a chance by sending them a text saying thank you for being there on my big day. This sounds weird but somehow they were there and even if they didn’t check on you I think a thank you coming from you is nice. See how it goes from there
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on January 16, 2019 at 4:27 PM
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You had a bridesmaid late to the wedding? That is insane. I also can't believe you got stuck with the bill for makeup after she said she wanted to get hers done. Normally I'd say it's not a huge deal for these are pretty rude things they did. The other bridesmaids might have not known how to help or offer support so I wouldn't be as mad at them. About the gifts, I told my bridesmaids not to get us gifts. We are spending $75 (bridal bouquet) + $140 (hair and makeup) + $40 (rehearsal dinner food & liquor) + $100 (presents) on each bridesmaid and it's nothing compared to what they are spending with dress, flight, hotel & rental car. Weddings are expensive to be apart of, so I do understand them not getting you gifts especially if they chipped in for bridal showers or bachelorette parties too. If it were me, I'd be more mad at the bridesmaids that were late, stuck you with the bill for makeup, showed up drunk to your wedding, and had dates that were late. Not the other girls.
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Beginner May 2019
Patricia · on January 16, 2019 at 4:29 PM
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I am sorry to hear this, you chose those girls to stand by you and be there for you and they just don't sound like they even valued what an honor it was to be that person for you. You are not overreacting at all, I think that's completely acceptable to have given them a higher expectations on this day...this ONE DAY that's supposed to be all about you.
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VIP July 2018
Jen · on January 16, 2019 at 4:34 PM
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I"m sorry all this happened to you - the lateness, missing the make-up appointment, etc. I would have a hard time with that too. I wonder if your bridesmaids are young, new to the job, etc. and honestly didn't understand what was expected? I'm just trying to figure out how it happened. It's possible that your friendship is also more one-sided? I wouldn't get upset about the gifts (or lack thereof though). There have been a lot of posts on this site about the expense of the dress, shoes, etc. and it being absolutely okay if the bridesmaid can't then afford a wedding gift. I'm guessing if this was the only thing that happened, it wouldn't bother you as much. Good luck to you!
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Savvy July 2019
Lily · on January 16, 2019 at 4:37 PM
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This makes me sad. I’m so sorry this happend I would feel the same and do not this you’re over reacting. Unfortunately other people aren’t going to take our wedding day as serious are we are and they just view it as a huge party/excuse to get drunk. Some people don’t realize how much planing goes into it and how they can quickly make hard work & thought feel like a waste. Praying this doesn’t happen to me. Stay positive, now your married to your best friend!
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Dedicated May 2019
Rosa · on January 16, 2019 at 5:07 PM
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Ugh, sounds like a real downer. I don’t think you are overreacting unless you already knew your group of girls are the more about them and lack that emotional connection with others . It all depends on how their personalities are . As you mentioned it appears that one friend who missed the beginning was more concern about “their” inconveniente schedule although they had agreed to be part of your wedding . That should have been discussed with you way before so you could not only make the changes you needed to make with your MUA but also emotionally prepare for it . I have a feeling one of my BM will be late because ... well she’s always late to things . Therefore I am totally prepared for it lol and I will not let that faze me . Take your time and figure out if YOU want to give more into those friendships or if you want it to remain somewhat separate and absolutely don’t make them part of future special events . When you’re ready (if ever) you can let them know what happened with your friendships.
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Super May 2018
Summer987 · on January 16, 2019 at 5:30 PM
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It's sounds like they don't value your friendship the way you may value it. No way would I be late to my friends or sisters wedding. Time to re-evaluate these friendships. It's doesn't seem like they cared at all for not being there on time. Are they always this flaky or is it just with you?
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Just Said Yes January 2019
Jocelyn · on January 16, 2019 at 6:54 PM
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That’s what I’ve been focusing on. My husband and I are happy. Even he agrees that the way they acted was messed up to me. He said I shouldn’t feel inclined to get involved with any of their future events and I agree since I invest a lot into my friends when it’s important.
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Just Said Yes January 2019
Jocelyn · on January 16, 2019 at 6:56 PM
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That’s a good idea. I will probably try that once I cool off a little more.
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Just Said Yes January 2019
Jocelyn · on January 16, 2019 at 6:57 PM
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I agree. That’s what I’m most upset about, the lateness and getting stuck with the bill and having no support
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Just Said Yes January 2019
Jocelyn · on January 16, 2019 at 6:59 PM
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They’re almost all much older than me, by 10 years, and a few of them are married, so I really thought they understood. I thought I was very close to all of them and I really wonder now.
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Just Said Yes January 2019
Jocelyn · on January 16, 2019 at 7:06 PM
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Yeah, I see now how I may have been giving more than what I was getting back. I never would’ve thought my late BM would do that to me. Her husband has no excuse either bc he lives right by us, only 15-20 minutes from the venue. I was ready to be a godparent to their son if they asked me but now I’m glad I wasn’t asked. I guess it hurts a lot because I never had real girlfriends until I met these women a couple of years ago, and it took a lot to really open up to them and trust them with this.
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Super November 2018
Kiwibride · on January 16, 2019 at 7:31 PM
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The first bridesmaid definitely messed up and I'd be pretty hurt that she cancelled last minute and was late to the wedding. Unless it was something important (serious health appointment that needed to be scheduled ASAP), I'd be reconsidering that relationship.

But I think that hurt might slightly be affecting your judgement with the other bridesmaids. Their boyfriend might be rude but that wasn't their responsibility on the day, they were presumably busy with the wedding, not chasing around a grown adult who is responsible for themself. I had never thought about it before now, but I'm pretty sure nobody checked if I needed anything at all during the wedding. I would have actually gotten irritated if people were checking in rather than letting me just be in the moment. Obviously we're different, but it shows how they might have been doing what they thought was best when you wanted something different. Absolutely nobody asked how I was doing after the wedding. I think it was a few weeks before I talked to my MOH, that's how life normally goes for us.

This isn't meant to diminish your feelings, I'm just offering a different perspective of how things ended up that way and that it might not need to relationship ending
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Bridesmaids let me down.

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