Bridesmaids I've Never Actually Met

I would never make someone a bridesmaid who I hadn't met and wasn't close to. You know nothing about them, so you don't know if they will be reliable or cause drama. I would tell your fiancé that he can make these people "groomswomen" and stand on his side instead. Sides can be mixed gender and the numbers don't have to be even.

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I completely agree! I would have your fiance make them 'groomswomen' instead

View Quoted Comment I completely agree with this. I would honestly find it weird if someone I never met asked me to be a bridesmaid. Your bridal party is supposed to be made up of those closest to you in your life. If he wants them as part of the bridal party, they should stand on his side.

View Quoted Comment Completely agree with this!

View Quoted Comment 100% agree with this!

View Quoted Comment 100% agree with this

Agree. They could stand on his side instead.

View Quoted Comment Agree with this. Never pick someone whom you are not absolutely super close to. If he wants these cousins, they stand on his side, period. You don’t pick his groomsmen and he doesn’t pick your bridesmaids. This is also why asking in laws “to get to know them” is a bad idea.

Agree with everyone else. He should ask them to stand with him as grooms women. Your bridal party should reflect your nearest and dearest relationships.

That's sticky, I agree they should be with him. If you're comfortable with it have him pick and send them their proposal gifts and maybe zoom them? In my opinion, it would be awkward to have strangers, or worse someone you don't like standing there representing you.


Plus if your other girls are with you physically or virtually for the dress try on, and the Bachelorette party it could be weird to include and not include his cousins then.

If you do not want to go the groomswomen route, I would write the proposals to the cousins coming from the two of you as a couple and using wording like “(FH name) and I would love to have you standing with us during our wedding.”

Why would they stand on your side? If they are your FH's cousins, and he is the one that wants them in the wedding, they need to be on his side. I would never have someone in my bridal party that I did not know!

I know you asked about wording the proposal, but clearly that is not the important part here...
How far away do they live? Maybe you can arrange to have dinner with them separate from your other bridesmaids, like you and FH go to them. That way you can meet and have a chance to talk. If you feel the vibe is right, officially ask them at the end of dinner. I think it's super kind of you to include them in your bridal party. But everyone's advice about not including anyone you haven't met and know is coming from experience. Your FH has a family relationship with them, but you don't. You never know how they will be with you, until you actually begin the relationship.

View Quoted Comment They’re in FL, we’re in PA (16hr drive). Thank you for your kind words

View Quoted Comment I like this idea.. thank you!

One thing to think about too is will be they be comfortable around people they do not know. Will your wedding be the first time you ever meet them? While intended to be a sweet gesture I think this could get very awkward and possibly stressful (for you, the other bridesmaids and them) especially getting ready the morning of. If you and your fiancé don't like the idea of them on his side maybe they play another special role in the wedding, my brother had his female cousins give the readings at the ceremony. Good luck to you!

It wasn't exactly cool of your FH to ask people you don't even know to be YOUR attendants. I'm sure his cousins are nice people, but they're still total strangers to you. Your bridesmaids should be the people that YOU are closest to and feel should share the honor with you. I agree with some of the others that if he really wants them in the wedding, they can be on his side.

You can say something generic like "we can't say i do without you. Will you be my bridesmaid?" Or "I got my rock, now I need my flock...."

This is easy - have them be grooms girls! My hubby had a best woman and I had a bridesman. Worked out great. Your party should be people you are close with. Here are our pics for outfit examples!

Before COVID when we were having a bigger wedding, I was going to have one of FH's close cousins on my side. We weren't close and she did live further out, but that didn't stop me from wanting her stand by my side. A wedding is suppose to be the join of two families into one. If it were me, I would just call them by there name.

"Hey Julie, I would love if you could stand by my side on AJ's and My big day."