Bridesmaids... how much matchy matchy? bm isn't cooperating...

View Quoted Comment Oo I would get hurt.

View Quoted Comment I tried to do the same thing... I told them “same color/fabric/length... and it turned into a nightmare... they would pick dresses by different designers, then color wasn’t actually the same... or dresses similar but not the same that it would have looked like they were trying to match but didn’t... or one would love a dress by a designer that the others couldn’t find anything they liked by... that’s how they wound up in the same dress...

they told me they wanted to wear the same jewelry so I was following their lead on that... and thought buying it was a nice gesture. The wraps were my MOHs idea and I loved it... but to be clear I’m not “requiring” anyone to wear special stuff... it just keeps coming up and they ask me what I want and then it becomes a debate...

Just tell her she can sell it after the wedding. Poshmark is great for that!

I was in a wedding where I didn't like the shoes and I'll never where them again but I can sell them after for probably half of what I paid.

View Quoted Comment Does she have back issues or have a hard time walking in heels?

I just picked a color shoes I want them to wear and told them to choose their own shoes. But their dresses are also long so no one is likely to notice.

As someone who gets blisters from 90% of shoes, I would be very picky about what you're choosing too. I don't want to be dealing with sore feet before the ceremony has even started. Give them a colour and let them choose something in their own price/comfort range, it can even be something they already own. Nobody is going to notice that their shoes are slightly different under a floor length dress.

If you want specific shoes or accessories then you need to pay. But with shoes you will still need their opinions on if they're happy with them because they really do need to fit right and be comfortable. Other accessories like wraps, if you want to avoid push back, just stop asking for opinions and buy them. They'll wear them for a few pictures and then get rid of them for the rest of the night

As someone who's been a bm and moh, if it's affordable I'd buy whatever shoes you told me. (For me that's around $30 for shoes but could be more or less for someone else.) I've never not had to buy shoes for a wedding, usually I'm told a color or something and I usually don't already own something that works. And I've never had shoes bought for me nor, would I expect unless they were really expensive. Maybe check in with her, if it's a heel and she can't handle a heel because of feet/ankle issues that's understandable but if she doesn't like and it's within her affordable range then there shouldn't be a reason for the pushback. I have always gone into weddings aware it might not be something I like but if it's a reasonable price and doesn't cross any modesty boundaries it's fine.

On a side note if your dresses are full length people probably won't notice/see their shoes. I'm the kind of person that wants everything matching as well, but for shoes I'm probably just going to give a color just in case something slips but the last few weddings I was in I don't think anyone noticed the shoes.

And this is why I chose the infinity dress as my bridesmaids' dress. It's still the same dress, but they can wear it however they want to optimize comfort. I could care less about accessories as long as there aren't any other veils or tiaras showing up. And as for shoes, well my ceremony site has a rough stone path, so comfort and stability are a must, therefore my only restriction is color.

View Quoted Comment My late aunt went on and ON about the non matching shoes, lol. I was like are you serious. Yes she was.....she would not let it go!!!

Yikes!! I feel your pain regarding some push back. Many have different options about this matter, I’ve come to learn. I personally took one bridesmaid with me and chose a dress I liked for everyone. I knew going into planning that everyone will have an opinion . Remember it’s your day! You pick what you like. It’s okay to be flexible sometimes , if you want, but no bride should have to compromise everything on her day.

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Nope - no back issues, ankle issues, any "issues" about heels - and I haven't been picking "high" heels either... FH is just barely the same height as I am so I am actually encouraging smaller heels so we don't tower over FH.

I had suggested a short heel (less than 2") shoe with an an an ankle strap for stability... I know at least for me, I prefer shoes that go around the ankle so I don't feel l like I am slipping out of them.

I started a chat with all the BMs and 2 of them and I were exchanging pics of different ideas and talking about pros/cons... definitely wasn't saying "here's the shoe" but more like - hey what do you guys think of these and then they sent other ideas and we were having a really good chat... then 3rd BM messages me separate and basically says "my elephant feet won't look good in any of those" - I was aggravated first, because why the need for a private, separate message? (everyone knows each other well), then one of the other BMs, who has much larger/wider feet than this BM, says she's worn this brand before and was pleasantly surprised with how they fit and the comfort level... so it's like she just didn't want to participate in a group discussion...

I felt like she was isolating herself and making me chose between the "sides" and it shouldn't feel that way but the same thing happened with the BM dresses.... everyone would be team "dress 1" and she would be like I don't like it... I will wear it if you make me but... (and WTH am I supposed to say to that? so of course we kept looking and the exact same thing happened with about 29 other dresses. (not even exaggerating.... until the dress picked wound up be something WE ALL just settled on because she "didn't hate it" and the rest of us couldn't handle another shopping trip.

Then like 6 hours later she texts me and says "do you really want the stress of all of us agreeing on shoes? just trying to make your life easier..." I nearly lost it. If you really wanted to make MY LIFE easier, you would have participated in the group discussion earlier... not to mention, the other 2 have basically 'given in' to whatever she's wanted this whole time (so I wouldn't have to be more stressed... the whole time telling me I shouldn't be letting her dictate these decisions for my wedding... but I just don't want the drama of an argument...)

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Thanks for chiming in... I was starting to think I was nuts... (about them buying shoes)... I wonder if it's different etiquette in different areas or families / social circles... Every wedding I have been in, and those my other friends have been in (I double checked!) the bride was like - here's the dress, here's the shoes - go buy it. So I thought I was being super flexible when I involved everyone in the dress, and was trying to be sensitive to body types and preferences...

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Thank you! It's totally one of those hindsight is 20/20 things... because it's too late now but if I knew then what I know now, I would have taken my MOH and picked something I was loved and been done with it. Because after all the drama of more than a dozen shopping trips, I am not happy with the BM dress and don't think anyone "loves" it if I am going to be honest... I do feel like I made a total sacrifice... but there's not a darn thing I can do about it now... well I was trying to accessorize it and get it more the style I would like... but that's not going awesome either...

View Quoted Comment Yeah that's what I've noticed on here too. I haven't so much paid attention to the "etiquette" people talk aboutt on here. I've just paid attention to what's happened in the weddings I've been to, what I want, and what's realistic. 😊

My girls are wearing the same color .. I requested that they all wear nude shoes but didn’t care what they looked like .. as far as jewelry I am buying them their jewelry but not as a gift since it is a prop to be seen in pictures, and I’m not sure if it will all match, I’m thinking no I’d rather get them each soemthing of their own taste

View Quoted Comment EXACTLY!! Thank you for your comment even though this isn’t my post lol . I agree 100% that bridesmaids should not be drama queens on someone else’s day! Like what is that, it is selfish!

View Quoted Comment I bet her feet are to wide for reg shows I have a friend and sister with that problem. They have to get wide shoes. She called her feet elephant feet wich shows she is embradded by them. That would be why she did not do group text cause of being embarrassed.

View Quoted Comment It sounds like with the feet she has other issues. She said she had elephant feet and wanted sludes. Wich could indicate wide feet her texting justyhe bride indicates maybe some embrasent. I get the bride vision.