Bridesmaids Hair/makeup - Guide or Let Them Choose?

It sounds like they don't want to pay for it, which is fine. They are adults so I'm sure they know they have to do their own hair & makeup, like they do when they go on dates or for any other event. I wouldn't worry about it. It's not really fair to dictate styles if you aren't paying for a professional to do it for them. Two of my girls did their own makeup & so did my husband's mother. They all 3 wanted to, even though I was paying for everyone's HAMU. I didn't give any direction, so some girls had way more makeup than others, some had updos & some girls didn't. Everyone still looked great!

"...this is obviously a very special occasion and you should look your best!"

I feel like you already sort of crossed a line with this patronizing statement. Of course they want to look their best. But that doesn't automatically mean they need to pay more money to do that.

I think you have no dilemma here. You offered to make appointments for them; they declined. This will have zero effect on your day or your photos.

Well put! Everyone only focuses on the bride, anyway

I am having professional hair and makeup done on myself, but not my girls. I told them all up front that I really cant afford to pay for everyone’s. My girls all were perfectly fine with that. They all wanted to wear their hair mostly down anyway (which I am totally fine with) so they all decided to do their own. That being said, some of my girls are completely clueless with a curling iron, and some know it well. So they will all help each other the day of. And I used to do hair professionally so I will also help if needed. Makeup I’m not concerned about at all. They can all wear as little or as much as they prefer because as long as they aren’t doing something ridiculous like blue lipstick, I really don’t think anyone will pay much attention to their makeup - not even in pictures. I don’t think that you can technically “dictate” them in this situation, but you can definitely GENTLY give them some guidelines. Like I told my girls “I’m perfectly fine with all of your hair being down and everyone’s can be different, I just don’t want only one of you to have yours up. If at least two want to wear it up, that’s totally fine too”. And for makeup I said “whatever you want to do with your makeup is completely fine by me, just don’t be crazy lol” (not that any of my girls would ever go crazy with makeup so it was mostly a joke). I did the same thing with the shoes and just told them nude. I don’t care if some are heels, and some are flats. Whatever they were comfortable with. I think that for the most part, people are only focusing on you. They need to look good as well, but I wouldn’t stress to much about the little details for them. They are just there to make you look good.

I trust my girls enough to know they wouldn't do anything nuts. 3 of the 5 are getting their hair done and 2 are getting makeup. The rest are doing their own which I am 100% okay with. The only thing I said (half jokingly) was PLEASE no bright red lips. Our colors are Navy and Burgundy and it would just look silly. I really don't think any of them would do it anyway, but I feel better having put it out there.