Bridesmaids getting ready separately and meeting me at church?

Couldn’t you just choose a different location to get ready at?

Can you get ready in a more neutral place? Maybe a salon or a hotel room?

Agree with PP. Find a neutral location to get ready at. It may come down to choosing between your mom and bridal party for the "getting ready" pictures.

Do you live in the same area where you're getting married? You could opt to get ready at your home instead of your mom's house, where you get to choose who joins you to get ready together, not your mom.

An alternative could be to book a room at a hotel, which would be a neutral location where your mom also wouldn't have any say over who you invite. One time when I was a BM, the bride had us meet her at a salon, and covered the cost of us getting our hair done. The salon was set up with brunch snacks/drinks and space for the BMs to work on our own makeup while we were waiting our turn with one of the hairstylists. For weddings where I've been a BM, the church always had a space where we could change and touch up hair and makeup before pictures and the ceremony. My experience has been to either do hair and makeup with the bride at her parents' house or a salon, and then go to the church to actually change into our dresses. But, you could ask if the church would allow you to come in earlier to do more extensive getting ready all at the church.

That is an option I considered but I’d have to change all the vendors and I’ll be charged extra delivery fees for the florist, extra from the photographer if I add another location, and extra hour fee for the limo. And hair and makeup is an entirely other mess since my mom wants to have her HMU done at her house because she’s paying for her own HMU. I was hoping for a more creative, less costly option that doesn’t undo all my months of planning.

And, if I choose to get ready at a hotel/other location, my mom said she wouldn’t come.

I mean this day is about you, so if your mom is going to be so ridiculous as to not come to your wedding because you don't want to get ready at her house then maybe you shouldn't worry about her being there. Of she's going to make you feel anything less than happy on YOUR day, then she doesn't really care about your happiness and that's not cool.

I'm sorry it sounds like you're picking between mom and BMs.

Is it worth talking to your mom and finding out why she's so adamant about getting ready at her house? Perhaps theres an underlying reason that could be addressed?

Who are you working with at your Church? Is there a place you could take some photos there? I like the PP suggestion of getting dresses on there, that way you and your mom can get ready at her house, and then meeting your BMs at the church to get them ready and get everyones dresses on?

We getting ready at the hotel. we got a suite and having the girls get read, with hair and makeup. mimosas bar , begals and fruit for breakfast and then i am ordering panera bread for lunch (they have mini catering!) pictures, music, and then the photographer at 330pm

the hotel over looks greenery and a river so its so pretty

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Welp, your mom is being ridiculous. Are you going to let her run your life by threats for the rest of your life, now that you're getting married, or.....? Your issue is not where to do hair and makeup. Your issue is your mom. I'd get a nice hotel suite for you to stay in the night before, have all your girls come there to get ready, and let mom make her threats. And you can tell her if she doesn't show up because of that, then she'd be the worst person in the world. A lot of times I think people make these threats because they don't expect the other to actually take a stand against them. Of course I don't know your mom or your dynamic with her, but I'd bet if you tell her you're doing what YOU want, that she'll come with her tail between her legs. It's your wedding day. Don't bend to her on this. You have the right to get ready with your closest gf's in a location of your choosing on YOUR wedding day.

View Quoted Comment 100% THIS!

Can you all get ready at the church? Don't most churches have some sort of rooms? Your mom needs to calm the crazy train down and realize it's your wedding. I had to finally put a stern foot down with my mom and she's backing down the more I let her know it's my wedding not hers.

View Quoted Comment Her threats aren’t empty. We had this issue with the shower and because she didn’t like the bridesmaids, she didn’t come to my shower. That was obviously heartbreaking.

And for what it’s worth, you’re 100% right that I should tell her to buzz off but that’s easier said than done, especially when it’s a mother.

When I was a bridesmaid and got ready separately than the bride I felt sad and left out. She went to one salon with her sister and sister-in-law and sent the rest of us to a different salon. It worked out okay but it did make me a little sad.

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Wow, seriously? How does she sleep at night knowing she missed her daughter's bridal shower over some petty BS? May I ask why she doesn't like your friends? I'm sorry she sucks.

Your mom didn’t come to your shower because She didn’t like your bridesmaids? Wow . I’m sorry to say that your mom is a manipulator and extremely selfish. I would probably seek counseling on how to deal with her because this could not have been easy for you so far .

View Quoted Comment She says they are disrespectful to her but fails to specify why/how. She feels like I’m putting others before her and she hates them for it, basically.

View Quoted Comment YES YES YES.

I’m sorry, but your mom is manipulating you. I know it’s hard that it’s your mom, but sometimes even the closest people to us aren’t healthy relationships. I had this happen with my sister last year, and while it was heartbreaking, I’ve realized how much better my life has been since I stopped allowing her to control any part of me. Unless one of your BMs did something heinous to your mother, her behavior is completely unacceptable.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this person and I can't think of any other way to have them there if she clearly does not want them there. I don't get what her deal is it's what an 1 hr or two I'd tell her she has to deal with it for your happiness. It's your wedding day and you have the right to have your bms there with you.