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Clarke2020

Bridesmaids dresses and comfort

Clarke2020, on February 25, 2020 at 11:13 AM Posted in Wedding Attire 0 24
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If your bridesmaid was very uncomfortable in a dress to the point of crying and told you what would you do?


For background the dresses were ordered online and can not be exchanged or returned. They were on clearance so limited sizing available also. BMs also weren’t able to try them on before so they didn’t know what they looked like on them till they received them. The bridesmaid in question asked the bride to pick a dress that could be either returned, exchanged or tried on BEFORE the dress that was picked was picked by the bride.
I would like to hear from BMs and Brides who have experienced this, what happened if anything.

24 Comments

Latest activity by Suzie, on February 25, 2020 at 7:42 PM
  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag

    I wouldn't have made them order a dress that they couldn't try on or return in the first place.

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  • Clarke2020
    Clarke2020 ·
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    So you don’t think that request was out of like by the bridesmaid? I’ll reveal if I am the bride or the BM. I just want to present it as neutrally as possible to get response from both sides from outside parties because this situation is really effecting a friendship I care deeply about and I don’t know how to move forward.
    • Reply
  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag
    I agree with pp. I let my girls choose dresses for themselves. But in this case I would see if there’s any alterations available to make it more comfortable then? E.g adding sleeves or adjusting lengths
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    View Quoted Comment

    No, the bride is far out of line and not someone whose wedding I would want to be in.

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  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
    • Flag

    I agree with Caytlyn, it sounds like the bride in that case made a really bad call. If it were me, I'd try to do what I could to make it right with the BM -- I wouldn't want her to be miserable. From the description it's unclear what the problem is with the dress (e.g., is it too small, too big, just horribly unflattering?). If it's a fit issue and I basically required her to order a dress we knew was the wrong size, I'd offer to pay for alterations to try and make it right. If that's not possible, I'd offer to pay for a new dress that would work with the color/style, but be better for the BM. If the bride doesn't think that's an option, I'd offer to reimburse for the dress and let the BM know I totally understand if she prefers to attend as a guest and not be in the wedding.

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  • Clarke2020
    Clarke2020 ·
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    Horribly unflattering. It’s too big and too small at the same time due to the shape of the BM. The BM offered to attend as a guest before the dresses were ordered when this was picked. To avoid a situation like this because she knows how clothes can look on her. Bride ordered a dress in the size closet to her size because her actual size based on size chart was available without the BM saying if it was okay and asked her to try. The BM tried and is super uncomfortable.
    • Reply
  • A
    Super August 2020
    Alex ·
    • Flag

    Why is she that uncomfortable? Cleavage, Strapless, to risky, doesn't flatter her body?

    To me, there is a difference between not liking a dress and being uncomfortable. If my bridesmaid was truly uncomfortable, I would find a solution. Did the bride get anyone's input before buying the dresses? Did the bridesmaids have the opportunity to express comfort before purchasing. A few of my BM were very clear they would be uncomfortable in a strapless dress. I also have one BM breastfeeding, so she wanted additional support and coverage. I knew all of this before we picked dresses.

    If the bridesmaid just didn't like the dress, I would tell her to suck it up butter cup (this actually happened when I was the MOH, another BM was sooooo high maintenance).

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  • F
    Dedicated September 2020
    Furure Mrs. ·
    • Flag

    I agree that this was a bad call on the bride's part. While bridesmaids don't always love their dresses, they should not be uncomfortable in them. I would never force someone to wear a dress that brought them to tears for my wedding, whether it be because of the fit or the style.

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  • Clarke2020
    Clarke2020 ·
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    Bride gathered input. BM asked for something that she could try on before hand, or something that can be returned or exchanged. She told the bride size charts don’t normally work for her body and she couldn’t tell what size or how something would fit from a size chart and a picture. She explained that she has BMS dress in several different sizes that all still fit. The bride said she was being difficult decided to moved forward with a dress that couldn’t be tried on, returned or exchanged and didn’t even have the sizes for all of the bridesmaids in stock including the BM in question.
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  • Clarke2020
    Clarke2020 ·
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    Edit to add she’s uncomfortable because of fit and very unflattering to her body.
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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    I wouldn’t be in a wedding if I couldn’t try a dress on before buying it. I’ve remained the same size for the last 5 years and I have a dozen dresses spanning 3 different sizes because all cuts fit differently on me.
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  • A
    Super August 2020
    Alex ·
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    I think both women need to evaluate if a dress is worth ruining a friendship over. As a BM, I would wear a trash bag if it meant supporting my friend. As a bride, I would never put my friends in a situation they were uncomfortable with.

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  • Dj Tanner
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
    • Flag
    As a bride, it is extremely important to me that my bridesmaids like their dresses and feel 100% comfortable in them. If you are the bride I can only strongly suggest that you include your bridesmaids in the picking of their dresses. If you are the bridesmaid that sucks if that’s the case because it’s so hard to tell the bride you hate what she picked out, but if you are the bridesmaid and the dress looks awful on you then I think the bride would definitely want to know that. As a bride we all have visions in our headBut sometimes those visions don’t turn out exactly the way we thought in reality and in this case you would definitely want to express to the bride that it looks terrible and that she would have to figure out some other dress for you.
    • Reply
  • Denise
    Devoted May 2019
    Denise ·
    • Flag
    I’m a tall plus sized girl and understand that size charts often don’t gauge whether something will fit. If a dress is both too big and too small at the same time, the issue is probably not the size. From my experience, it’s just the wrong dress.


    If I were the bride and one of closest friends was so uncomfortable in her dress she was crying, I’d find a different dress or a really good seamstress. Having her drop out of my wedding party or being this distraught about a dress would just be options for me.
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  • Clarke2020
    Clarke2020 ·
    • Flag

    Thank you for the replies. I'm still not sure what to do. I am the bridesmaid in this situation. More background. I am curvy naturally, short and plus sized. I have a small waist given my size big hips, big boobs. I carry almost all of my weight in my hips and thighs. Which is why size charts do not work. The dress is too big throughout my boobs chest and shoulders and waist, but squeezing tight on my thighs/hips. It is a satin light colored material so it shows every dimple wrinkle of cellulite I have and creates more from the squeezing effect. By the size chart I should have been a 16/18. Neither size was available, so she ordered me a 20. We got the dresses in December and the wedding is in April. When I put it on I was horrified and didn't know how to tell her. Not only that it fit so poorly but also that it was a 20 and still fit poorly. I even tried on my other BMs dresses to make sure and remeasured myself I hadn’t just gained weight. I hadn't. It was exactly what I was fearing buying a dress without being able to try on, return or exchange it. I visited a Tailor and they said they can't change the way it lays on me without reconstructing the dress starting and it was expensive. The dress was only 50 dollars. I am visiting an in home Tailor for a second opinion and hopefully a cheaper quote. I have been a BM in multiple other weddings and never had this issue while being the same size and all those dresses are different sizes. I know she agrees about the way it looks but won't say it because I asked if her she would say it looked good to wear to another event and she avoided answering and said this is what she picked and what were supposed to be working with and not that many people would be around for pictures. I just all around hurt and don’t know how to move forward.

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  • Jill
    Expert April 2020
    Jill ·
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    You were put in a very unfortunate situation and I'm sorry she did this to you. If you haven't already, I would put on the dress, take a picture of yourself in it, and send it to the bride explaining how uncomfortable you are and point out it being too big/too small. I would also explain that alterations can't fix the issues you are having. I would ask if you can get a different dress and if she says no then say you'll attend as a guest. There was no reason for her to choose a dress that didn't come in every available size/eligible for returns. She should have seen this coming and that's an oversight on her part.

    • Reply
  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
    • Flag

    I wouldn't force my BM to wear anything she didn't feel comfortable in. That is the main reason I let my BM's pick their own dresses for my wedding. I wanted everyone to be comfortable and happy with how they looked in their dress. Also, I wouldn't select an online dress that couldn't be returned.

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  • anna
    Devoted October 2019
    anna ·
    • Flag

    I think it's a terrible call on the bride's part to make the bridesmaids order dresses 1) without being able to try them on first and 2) without being able to return/exchange them. HOWEVER, since it has apparently been done... I would ask what exactly is uncomfortable about the bridesmaid dress? the fit? the style? I've worn bridesmaid dresses before that I hated and that were not flattering on me, but I sucked it up and didn't say anything because it was what the bride wanted. but if fit is the issue here, I think in the *very least* the bride should offer to pay for alterations to try to salvage it. the bride should want her bridesmaids to be happy and feel pretty! if she doesn't care... then I think she needs to really evaluate herself and ask herself why she is treating her bridesmaids like props instead of friends. the bridesmaid should evaluate whether the bride is really her true friend.

    • Reply
  • Kari
    Master May 2020
    Kari ·
    • Flag

    If the bridesmaids didn't have the opportunity to try on the dresses beforehand and the dresses cannot be exchanged or returned I think the purchase of the dresses was just a bad idea. I can understand if they were super cheap, but then that's a gamble and you have to anticipate that the dresses might not work and you'll need to pick something else.

    I bought my wedding dress pre-owned but was pretty confident I would like it and/or be able to resell it for the price I paid. I also buy/sell on Poshmark sometimes or will shop online stores final sale items and have purchased items that just didn't work, but I knew it was a gamble when I did it. Sometimes the gamble pays off and you get an amazing deal on something you love, and sometimes you end up wasting money because the product just doesn't work for you and you aren't able to resell it for the price you paid.

    If the bridesmaids were forced into paying for dresses they cannot return or exchange and didn't even have a chance to try them on and know if they would fit then I feel really bad for those poor bridesmaids. If the bride purchased the dresses and is now unhappy that the bridesmaids don't like them, well then the bride can consider if she would be okay with them buying their own dresses.

    Also ideally you want all the bridesmaids to feel comfortable, confident, and happy in their dresses because it will show. You can often tell in a photo when a bridesmaid just feels insecure in her dress or it doesn't fit well. A happy bridesmaid = better wedding party photos. Brides should really try to consider their bridesmaids styles, body types, insecurities, coloration, etc when picking out dresses for them to wear.

    • Reply
  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
    • Flag

    It would take a LOT for me to cry in a bridesmaids dress. I couldn't care less what I'm wearing as long as the bride is happy and as long as it doesn't cost me an insane amount. So as a bridesmaid, I really wouldn't care if it was a dinosaur costume, a short tight cocktail dress, or a long sleeve stuffy wool dress as long as it was in my budget and I could get it altered (which you can with basically all dresses). As a bride, I let my bridesmaids pick their own dress out of over 100 options so they felt comfortable. It was an online purchase but they were able to return as long as they didn't do custom sizing and they could do try ons before for $10 if they wanted.

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