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Savvy July 2019

Bridesmaids don’t want to pay for bachelorette/bridal shower

Hopefulbride, on January 29, 2019 at 2:07 AM

Hi everyone, let me preface this by saying I understand how expensive weddings are. Therefore I’ve been trying to be as reasonable and understanding as I can during this process. I have 4 bridesmaids total. 3 of whom live in the same town I’m getting married in and one lives 2 hrs away. I offered to pay for all of their dresses minus the alteration. As for hair and makeup I hired a professional for myself but I let them decide whether they wanna pay for professional or do their own. Everyone except my MOH decided to do their own makeup and hair.
For bachelorette party, I wanted to keep it low cost and do a vinery tour, dinner then slumber party in the same city which would involve the cost of an AirBnB or hotel room. Total for both bachelorette and shower would maybe about $200/person. My MOH had reached out to everyone via email last week asking for their availability and if that’s ok with them to chip in and no one has replied to her. One of them finally replied 4 days later only to ask if the other 2 have said anything.

All of these girls have day time job so I’m just perplexed that they can’t even spare a couple hundred dollars to do something nice for me. What do you all think? Should I just let things be and not do anything or should I say something to them?

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22 Comments

Devoted March 2020
Arlene · on January 29, 2019 at 1:12 PM
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Ehh this is really tough, I see where your coming from but there are many things you may not understand behind closed doors. They could be facing financial issues and alot you may not be aware of or have other priorities such as kids or family or bills that they are to embarrassed to mention. As much as you want it to be extravagant and what you want, maybe something local dinner and drinks at a local bar area would be best. I would let things be and not say anything, when a bridesmaid says yes to being a bridesmaid they are NOT obligated to do anything for you unless offered to do so. As much as it would be nice to have your bridesmaids pitch in and help as it usually is it might be out of their budget or might have alot going on. If they do not seem to interested in your idea, then that speaks for itself. Try find something else everyone would be excited to do that you think might be better for them.

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Judith · on January 29, 2019 at 1:37 PM
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"I’m just perplexed that they can’t even spare a couple hundred dollars to do something nice for me" The amount means different things to different people. I could comfortably afford that, one. But since last April I have been in 3 weddings, to 3 more. Done 6 wedding showers at my home, with full meals, and 2 baby showers, for new nieces, just coffee with liqueurs and desserts at these. I skipped the 2 bachelorettes with overnights, 5 kids and husband in Montreal on business. $75 for a babysitter, on top of a comedy club, or coffeehouse concert, too much. And we gave at least $100 gift for every shower, and $250- $300 per wedding gift six times. Another nephew due in Feb, shower this week. A wedding in march, one in April, that rounds out a year. Budgetary Strain.