Bridesmaids and weight!

Im not criticizing her weight nor am I suggesting that she lose weight for my wedding. Im just worried that her dress wont fit, but like you ladies said, it's on her to get it altered.

Recently in pre-marital counseling, my pastor suggested that I get a hobby that will help me to release stress and anger that I tend to hold in, and I told him that I swam in highschool to do this. So this is how the conversation got started with my BM. I mentioned to her that I was looking for a gym with a pool and she suggested that I join hers and that that would make her go more.

I love all my bridesmaids just as they are, but yes I do want them to be healthy.

And for the record @Emma, I never said I wanted her to go to the gym, she asked me to go with her to help her because she wants to lose the weight, my being lazy and not wanting to work out is in no way hypocritical!

Thanks everyone for the advice, I think I will take her up on her offer.

Why don't you guys make a plan to go for a walk every time you want to talk wedding talk, or go for a walk then make a healthy dinner at home instead of going out, or walk and drink coffee instead of sitting and drinking coffee. Make it more about you needing to get moving more. That will help the both of you make an effort.

If she has gained lots of weight in a short period of time, it is probably something far deeper than just being lazy. Coming from a plus size person, she might be eating her feelings instead of reaching out to you. It could be something as simple as she is plus size, single and her BFF is getting married and maybe she feels like she is never going to get married or something stupid like that. Regardless, feelings are feelings.

Also- diet is 70% of weight gain. Exercise is important (very) but weight is mostly controlled by food intake.

I ditto what Lacey said!

For the record, i actually did NOT get the impression that you were being judgey or hypocritical

That's a great idea @LetItSnow, and she does already have low self esteem so I would never comment on her weight, I just want to be there for her and help out in any way I can.

Yes I do want to try and shield her from the embarrassment of her dress not fitting but that has nothing to do with my wedding and wanting her to lose weight for it, I just know her and she will be hurt.

You sound like a sweet friend to me Tash. I workout to relieve stress as well and it REALLY helps me. I can tell in my attitude if I am unhealthy.

I know @Kate, that wasn't for you. I totally agree with your comment and what I was attempting to explain to the rest of the ladies is that my end result is not my wedding, that is not why I would ultimately agree to go with her. I wrote above that my Pastor suggested that I pick up swimming again as an outlet, so it just makes sense that we can go together.

I actually agree with Tash. The dress can only be taken out so much and if someone has gained this much weight in so short a time, there's something going on that needs to be addressed. Bowing our heads and pretending it doesn't exist won't fix anything.

My dad told me I weighed too much about 5 years ago. It hurt. But he wasn't being mean, he was being honest and concerned, because health risks accompany obesity. I addressed my problems (leaving my ex; I'm an emotional eater), and lost a lot of the weight. If he had never said anything, I may not have lost the weight, because it took someone else saying something for me to do something about it, even though I already knew it.

Let's say Tash says nothing and Friend continues to gain. The dress is now 4 sizes too small and cannot be altered to fit. Maybe it's too late to order a new one. Friend is no longer in the wedding. If I were the friend, I'd rather Tash said something to me now.

Dup post.

My bms are all small except for one is more on the plus size. This particular maid has tons of tattoos and for some reason she gets embarrassed of them with me and said she always says I will cover it up or I will lose weight. I love her and she is my friend so I want her to be "her" on my wedding day. I wouldn't have asked her if I cared as I knew her tats would show and I know she is heavier than the other girls. She is still beautiful. If you think you really want to work out and be supportive then do it, but in the end she might not hold up to her end of the bargain. I would encourage a healthy life style, but if she doesn't lose the weight let her worry about the dress. Just be supportive...

I know it wasn't directed at me, or at least i assumed :-) and my comment was directed more at other comments than to you hah!

dress fitting aside, i do think it's a great idea to have a workout buddy. if you take a wedding out of this equation, i think more people would be on board with this idea. i actually used to do this with a girlfriend. you bet your booty i was more likely to show up at 6 a.m. if I had already told her i'd be there. i wasn't about to let her "beat" me in my crazy fake "competition" that i had created in my own head just to motivate myself

(eta: we both "won" because we ended up working out 3-4 times a week and probably wouldn't have otherwise)

Thanks Jenn! And the dresses are custom made so there will definitely not be time for a new dress. But I would much rather be a solution than the problem. If I say nothing and work out with her, we both win. If I tell her that she's gained alot, that may embarrass or hurt her feelings and cause her to gain even more. So I'm just going to go to the gym with her, I need to anyway. And like I said, I was shopping for a gym anyway, this will just give me that extra push to go!

@Kate, that's awesome! But so true, you're more likely to go when you know someone is meeting you there. So in essence, she's helping me too! :-)

I would leave it alone. I'm sure she is fully aware that her dress may or may not fit. That is her concern when the time comes.

If you're lazy your not gonna want to go work out. Be honest with yourself!

As others have said I know you may mean well, but this is a very fine line. I know you are just trying to be supportive but at the end of the day she has to be the one to help herself