Bridesmaid

I wouldn't replace her or cut a groomsman. Lots of couples have uneven sides and no one bats an eye, we're having 3 bridesmaids and 2 groomsmen. Anyone you ask to be a bridesmaid will know they were asked after everyone else as a substitution and cutting a groomsman out of the wedding for the sake of numbers would definitely damage if not ruin your relationship with that person. If she won't talk to you, there's not much else you can do.

View Quoted Comment I Deff need a even number in the wedding party bc it would mess up the color scheme and I want my best friend there. I get what you are saying I don’t want to cut a groomsmen and I don’t want to replace her but I don’t really have any other options.

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Your other option is to have an uneven wedding party. I don't understand why you'd rather damage a relationship with someone by using them as a backup bridesmaid in your wedding or telling them they're no longer important enough to be a groomsmen because it doesn't fit your aesthetic. You don't need an even number in the wedding party, you want an even number. Your wedding party should be your nearest and dearest, not props. I strongly urge you to reconsider the way you look at this situation.

View Quoted Comment I get what you are saying and I cherish all my relationships but it has to be even or it will mess up my color scheme. I have 6 bridesmaids and 6 groomsmen and they are wearing matching colors and it would not look good with an odd number and a person by themselves. I don’t know what to do. It’s important that this works out and I just don’t know what is going on and why she went off like that....

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This 100%. I would try and focus more on mending the relationship than worrying about the color scheme. If she won't return your calls then give her space and try again later and not focus it on the wedding. It's likely there is something else going on in her life. Also, it's not your choice to cut a groomsmen, those are your future spouses best friends and most important people. If I told my FH that he needed to cut a groomsmen since my maid of honor can't make it to the wedding (due to being deployed) he would probably laugh in my face or think I'm kidding. The number shouldn't matter. It's not going to look weird to have someone standing by themselves. It happens all the time, coordinating colors or not.

I’m sorry this is happening with your bridesmaid!

But your color scheme will look fine if there’s 5 bridesmaids and 6 groomsmen. It’s not worth offending another one of your friends by adding her last minute, and it’s definitely not worth hurting one of your FH’s friendships by asking one of his groomsmen to step down. That’s not right AT ALL. You really need to value your friendships over your color scheme.

View Quoted Comment Never said I would cut a groomsman said it was an option but I don’t think I could do it just like I don’t think I could replace her. But she’s not talking to anyone and it’s been awhile and she’s missing out on planing stuff for my day. She’s my best friend and she’s never been like this and I’m upset bx she started drama with everyone and then disappeared. She’s ruining wedding planning for me and doesn’t seem to care about anyone but herself. I didn’t do anything wrong so I don’t understand why she won’t talk to me and j want our friendship to be okay but I don’t know what else to do.

View Quoted Comment I do value my relationships but it’s my day and she’s ruining it for me and I didn’t do anything wrong. Why am I the bad guy here? My wedding can’t stop just bc she’s all out of sorts. What am I supposed to do? I don’t want my wedding to look sloppy and half assed bc my wedding is important to me. Not saying my friendship isn’t but I don’t know what to do to fix it bc I didn’t do anything wrong.

You get one day. She isn’t ruining your day if your wedding is still 8 months away. Have you tried picking up the phone and calling her? Or visiting her?

View Quoted Comment I definitely don’t think you’re the bad guy hun! And your wedding shouldn’t stop because of her.


But not everyone has an exact even number of friends as their partner lol, it won’t look “sloppy” or “half assed” if you have a different number of bridesmaids and groomsmen. Honestly, I bet 99% of people will not even notice it!

I understand being upset about the friendship and that really sucks! Sounds like she is totally in the wrong for wrecking your friendship. But you’re giving her the power to ruin your wedding by getting so upset about the even sides. I don’t think you are the bad guy at all, she is. But by adding a friend late as a “replacement” or kicking someone else out for the sake of even sides, you’ll be making yourself the bad guy. I know you are hurt that this friendship may be ruined so I am just advising you not to ruin another one in the name of “even sides.”

View Quoted Comment I’m not cutting anymore people I said it was an option not even considering doing it I couldn’t and I can’t replace her either. Even if I could I don’t want to make anyone feel like a “replacement” bc it’s not like that. It’s hard just picking a few people to share the day with. Honestly keep going back to eloping but I wanted our friends and family to be there but this is getting to be too much stressed with my parents and the wedding party.

View Quoted Comment I don’t think you are reading what I am saying. I don’t want to replace her or cut anyone I just said it was an option. I don’t know what to do and she won’t talk to me or anyone else.

View Quoted Comment She won’t return my calls or texts and she’s always working and I don’t want to make a scene at her work place. She won’t return any calls or texts from anyone else either. Not sure what her problem is but I don’t have much time to figure it out. I need to know if she wants to be in the wedding or not. Planing hasn’t stopped and I need to continue on and figure out what to do if she isn’t going to be involved. I don’t want to ruin the whole look of my wedding but I guess it’s not something I can fix now.

View Quoted Comment It’s not that I’m giving her power but she’s important to me she’s my best friend and she started drama with me and girls she doesn’t even know and that’s not like her. She’s being childish and unreasonable and she won’t talk to anyone. We’ve all tried. Definitely dampened the whole planing experience for everyone. I don’t know what else to do guess j have to deal with it looking dumb with uneven numbers and messed up color scheme bx she can’t be an adult and wanted to ruin my day....I know I can’t let it but it deff hurts.

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I am reading what you're saying. You mentioned those things as an option, but what wasn't an option for you was having an uneven wedding party because of your color scheme. People/feelings are more important than aesthetics, that's all I'm saying. If she refuses to talk to you, there's nothing you can do about her. So just have 5 bridesmaids and 6 groomsmen. Seriously no one will think that it looks dumb, you're really putting too much weight on even sides. Most people probably won't even notice.

View Quoted Comment There’s 2 separate issues here and I really think you need to split them apart for yourself.


Issue #1 is it sounds like she’s being a horrible friend and I’m really sorry you’re going through that. At this point I would just assume she is no longer part of the wedding. Maybe reach out to her as a friend (not about anything wedding related) and see if she’ll respond to you. If not, then she’s being immature and just know you tried your hardest to make amends with her, but if she is unwilling then that lost friendship is on her.

Issue #2 is the wedding, and the uneven sides. I really think maybe your emotions about issue #1 are making this seem like a way bigger deal than it is. It is SOOO common to have uneven sides, I know a ton of the brides on here have had uneven sides, and no one’s wedding looked dumb or sloppy because of it. You have to remember also something like this could happen no matter what... like god forbid, what if another one of your bridesmaids wakes up on your wedding day with the flu or a stomach virus and can’t make it? Regarding wedding stuff like this you just have to let go of things like this or you are going to be very stressed out and upset your entire planning process. Your friend may have been able to ruin the friendship but don’t allow her to dampen your wedding planning experience anymore. The wedding will go on without her. I’m not sure how it will mess up the color scheme in any way for there to be 1 fewer bridesmaid.

View Quoted Comment Yes I have tried calling her and she doesn’t pick up. She won’t respond to calls or messages from me or any of the bridesmaids. I can’t visit her bc her schedule is hard to work with and I didn’t want to show up at her work and get her upset or in trouble. I don’t know what else to do as I’m trying to focus on the friendship but I didn’t do anything wrong and I don’t know why this is even happening.

View Quoted Comment Good points thanks. I have reached out to her as a friend and have had other people reach out too and nothing. I don’t understand what happened or what I did wrong. I don’t think I did anything wrong. She was the one who flipped out on everyone and then dropped off the face of the world and shut herself out. I don’t know what else to do but I guess I should just call it a kiss and move on even though it hurts so much. She was so close to me and this is so unlike her.

View Quoted Comment I guess that’s what I’ll do. I’ll just have one of the guys walk alone and hopefully it won’t be too awkward.

View Quoted Comment I’m so sorry that really sucks ☹️ I’d just give her some space for now and hope she comes around eventually... not much else you can do