Bridesmaid-zila: Her Birthday vs. My Wedding

I get your point. I know normally her birthday would be important but you will have a lot to do! But she probably just doesn't understand. At least you're going, which is kind

Ask her if you can make it up to her after the wedding? Spa day on you??

Birthdays are big to me. Our wedding is the same day as the best man's birthday so we are decorating his chair for him (Yes, like little kid birthday party style- the tacky joke is the point) and will have a personalized cupcake with a candle at the reception. I wanted him to feel comfortable to celebrate his day along with ours.

ETA: tacky-ness abounds!!!!

I like Katie's idea!! Maybe a girls day just the two of you would be nice!

I think you're in the right, but maybe to try and compromise you could take care of some of the smaller things earlier in the week? And spend a little more time at the birthday party.

I also love the follow up spa day idea, or whatever she likes.

ETA: wait. I just reread your to-do lost, can't really do that stuff any earlier. If she doesn't understand that, there's no way to adjust your schedule.

Birthdays can be big but she just planned it last week. She's knows your wedding is shortly after. Go for however long you can and then plan a dinner for just you two after your wedding and honeymoon if your going right away. She should understand. Btw it's not your fault she's moving away.

Adults who act like children over their birthdays make me crazy. I do feel kinda bad vor her though, maybe there's some more stuff going on emotionally. Moving soon, jealous you're getting married, something else?

Is she planning on cutting ties with you after she moves? Is she dying? No. Then you have her still too even after she moves.

Honestly, this sounds like immaturity and jealousy on her behalf. Go to the party for a bit and offer a spa day for later. If that isn't enough... then it's on her. Hope you have a wonderful wedding!!!!!

Great idea to stop by for a bit and plan something afterwards. You might be a little short on cash after the wedding for a spa day, but the important thing is spending time with her and making her feel you will still have time for her in your life. You are right. She probably has NO idea how hard it is to plan a wedding, but I say suck it up and go for a bit, bring her a sweet card letting her know how much you appreciate her and that you will have more time for her soon! It might go a long way.

One of my BM has a birthday a few days after our wedding. She is VERY into her birthday and usually does a large trip or birthday bash of some sort that takes up an entire day. It is a big deal and I have traveled with her on some of the trips. She actually asked if I wanted to come on a trip with her two days after the wedding to celebrate her birthday... Ummm sure, I'll just leave FH at home??

To each their own but after 21 I gave up on the "doing it big" every year partying. The fact that you are willing to go says a lot about you as a friend. I admire that. Maybe you shouldn't have said how long you were going to stay and then just drop it on her when u figure she's had enough to drink... like hey I have to leave now am super tired from all the stuff I was doing.

It seems more like she is worried about loosing touch after she moves. It's emotionally difficult for some people. Try to connect and make sure she knows how much she means to you and you would want to be at the party longer if you could (and stay longer if you can)

Stand your ground, it's nice of you to show for an hour. It's not like she is going to stand by your side the whole night, she's going to mingle with her other guest.

I feel like.... she's known when your wedding was for the past year. She's known when her birthday is for quite some time. Yet she still chose to have a party 2 days before your wedding. Even if someone else is throwing it, she could have had them reschedule. It is really nice of you to attend at all. If it is that big a deal that you be there the whole time, she should have scheduled the party the week before, at least. Or asked you before she planned it. Maybe take her out for drinks or dinner at some point when you're not so busy. But frankly, I have no sympathy for her. :/

Thanks for the comments everyone!

she's kind of been moody this whole wedding time. I want to make her feel loved and included in the wedding, but I can only do so much. I will try my best to make her birthday feel special, but I will have to draw the line. Newsflash: Weddings are hard!

She just planned it last week. How can she be mad? That's really not enough time for a person to be able to rearrange other plans if necessary.

My MOH birthday is 2 days before my wedding too. I have a feeling it will become an issue. She already made a remark about it but I do plan on trying really hard to do something with her. I don't want to make everything about me. Birthdays are big for some people. Good luck, she seems pretty high maintenance.

Good for you for making time to go. Going for a short time is better than not going at all. But your friend is just feeling hurt, give her some time. If she pushes the issue be kind in explaining to her all you are doing and if she still annoyed then just let her simmer. Don't let is stress you out though, if she is really your friend she will get over it and if doesn't well that speaks to her personality.

First, I completely agree with PP that she is being bratty for reacting the way that she did. Weddings ARE hard and the last week is stressful, so I completely get you having too much to do, and commend you for finding the time to at least go for a little while.

That being said, if someone I was close enough to ask them to be my BM was moving away in 2 months and she was having a big birthday bash that was important to her, I would make the time in my week. Not saying it would be easy, but I would plan my entire week around blocking off that four-six hour time. I would actually even try to use it as the one time that week that I wasn't focused on the wedding and could relax and have fun with my friends. Again, I am not faulting you, OP. I think you are completely justified and your BM overreacted. But if it were me, I'd try to make time.