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Tiffany
Dedicated July 2019

Bridesmaid who believes she should be individualistic on my wedding day and is complaining that she isn't getting to do what she wants

Tiffany, on May 22, 2019 at 10:34 AM Posted in Hair and Makeup 0 37
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So we're about five weeks away from my wedding and I'm trying to get all the little things out together, one of those being accessories for the girls and makeup. One of my bridesmaids suggested a makeup look that was really nice but I didn't think was fit for the wedding, especially with the colors. She suggested another look which was even worse because the look was heavy and looked like makeup you'd wear to the club (that's exactly what I told her). After this, an argument ensues where she feels like she has not been heard and she had had to make so many compromises. Mind you, I bought their dresses which they all loved and which would have been the biggest expense for them. The only things they had to pay for was their hair and make up and shoes. Now, I am someone who isn't fussy but I wanted everyone to be comfortable on my wedding day. I have two teens in my bridal party (14 and 15) and I wanted them to feel included since a of activities for weddings are usually not always inclusive of kids (i.e. the bachelorette party). The parent of one girl asked that I try to make her daughter look age appropriate which I respect and actually agree with. However that one bridesmaid chose makeup that would not be she appropriate and would not fit most of the skin tones of the other girls. I am not trying to have everyone look the same but I didn't want some people to look like they stepped out of vogue magazine while the others looked plain. Moreover, not everyone will be able to pay for a full glam. I know I can't micromanage edgy people are doing to their own bodies but I didn't think it was too much to ask that they do something simple and classy that would look nice for everyone. I have been very permissive and open so far, they agreed on the shoes they'd wear and on their hairstyles. But this one person, ever since my engagement party has been saying stuff like "oh, that won't work for me" or "I have to have a very specific this or that " Am I bring unreasonable? Please, any feedback would be good because I'm still kind of P/O'd and maybe I'm being too uptight. Also, I'm going to link the picture of the makeup look this bridesmaid wanted to go with.

Bridesmaid who believes she should be individualistic on my wedding day and is complaining that she isn't getting to do what she wants 1

37 Comments

Latest activity by Alicia, on April 23, 2024 at 8:10 PM
  • Amanda
    Master December 2020
    Amanda ·
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    Honestly I view a little differently than others on here but I'd be upset at how picky theyre being when it's ypur wedding, your one day and they said yes to being a bridesmaid. My girls know -.-
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  • Tiffany
    Dedicated July 2019
    Tiffany ·
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    That's exactly what I'm thinking. I should have been firm from the get go because this is my one day and it should be about me.
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  • Future Mrs. K
    VIP June 2019
    Future Mrs. K ·
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    If you are not paying for their makeup, I really don't think you can tell them what they can or cannot get. It's really up to them if they are paying for it. With that said, I can understand why you would not want her to have makeup like that since it is very flashy. If it were me I would probably just try to talk to her and say that you aren't comfortable with that look and ask if she has any other looks she likes. Maybe suggest something lighter since it's a summer wedding. At the end of the day though she is probably going to do what she wants to do if she is paying for it.

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  • Alisha
    Rockstar April 2021
    Alisha ·
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    I don’t think you are being unreasonable. You want that equal and uniform look so that you can have a beautiful wedding. Maybe you can suggest that you would like her to wear makeup that is suitable for your wedding (for that day). She is doing for you and and your day. After the wedding is completely over, she can wear her makeup the way she wants.
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  • Amanda
    Master December 2020
    Amanda ·
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    Is this why it's probubly better to pay for their makeup over dress? Since poater paid for their dresses? I'm confused because when you have a bridesmaid, they pay for their mandatory dress that (I believe) the bride chooses, at least color and specifics? So if she paid for the dress and not makeup but they agreed to this then why not switch the "mandatory dress stuff" for makeup stuff? Except makeup is cheaper? Just interested in others look in this
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  • Tiffany
    Dedicated July 2019
    Tiffany ·
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    I paid for their dresses because most of my bridesmaids are not in a position financially to have bought that dress. The makeup and hair stuff is much cheaper. I was trying to take the burden off them. I'm not saying they have to look like what I want, I just want them to be able to come to a consensus to achieve a look that is appropriate for everyone and that everyone can feel their best standing up there beside me.
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  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    While I agree that the picture is a little much, I don't think all the BMs need to have the exact same make up look. People have different skin tones, facial structures, etc. What looks good on one person doesn't look good on everyone.
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  • Amanda
    Master December 2020
    Amanda ·
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    I agree which is same as when they buy their dresses techically. My question was for the PP talking about the makeup. If they had to get the dress like most bridal party members, switch that responsibilty to makeup they take care of since its cheaper but you shoukd still have a say in the makeup? Idk I'm confused on ettiquete and whatnot for weddings. My girls know it's my day so they don't give any issue (and hopefully wont)
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  • Tiffany
    Dedicated July 2019
    Tiffany ·
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    Yea, I agree Hannah. I can't make them all look the same but I was thinking about a look that would be great for everyone and not just one person which was another the issue I had with that look, it would not be so great on some of my bridesmaids.
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  • H
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    I would maybe phrase it in a way that's like level of formality if that makes sense? Like, is it a formal evening wedding? Because, while evening makeup us heavier, to me formal makeup is still on the subtler side. It's a little sparkle but not "glitter bomb went off on your eyelids" sparkle.
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  • Tiffany
    Dedicated July 2019
    Tiffany ·
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    Lol, ok. I'll have they conversation with them. Thanks Hannah! Smiley smile
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  • Soon2BSmith
    Expert October 2020
    Soon2BSmith ·
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    Tell her, everyone is getting a NATURAL glam. What's wrong with people! While what she picked is gorgeous, it's not wedding appropriate. And it looks like she's trying to take the focus off of you. It's your wedding, the makeup you say, goes.

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  • Kelly
    VIP October 2020
    Kelly ·
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    Tell her you envisioned a natural, simple and elegant look and what she's envisioning is more likely for a party.
    You could point out a more natural look is appropriate for the teenagers and will work with everyone's skin tones and will look better with your dresses and photos.
    Be firm, but not overbearing. Everyone will be looking at you anyway.
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  • Tiffany
    Dedicated July 2019
    Tiffany ·
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    Right, I agree that she can do this look on another day but I just don't think it's a wedding look.
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  • Tiffany
    Dedicated July 2019
    Tiffany ·
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    Yea, she is used to being the center of attention. She's my dear friend and I love her but whether she gets this look or nah, she will not come close to looking like the center of attention with me there! I'm not even going this bold for my makeup look but when I'm all put together, I'm going to be looking like a million dollars!
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  • Tiffany
    Dedicated July 2019
    Tiffany ·
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    That's exactly what I'm going for Kelly, firm but not overbearing. Thanks for your suggestion! Smiley smile
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  • Cristy
    Master May 2021
    Cristy ·
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    No you are not being unreasonable, she is. The phrase "no, this won't work for me..." says it all. "I'm sorry, I thought this was MY wedding, not yours" should have been your response to that! What is wrong with people? Are some people so shallow that they forget that a wedding is about the BRIDE and GROOM???? It's not suddenly their forum for showing the world how fabulous they are! This would make me sooooooooo mad!! And that picture? OMG does she think she's going to a nightclub? If she actually goes for this look for herself, she's going to look like a clown next to your bridal party.

    Millions of bridesmaids everyday show up looking how the bride wants, without complaint, because, guess what? It's the bride's day!! It's her wedding! She gets to decide how she wants her bridal party to look!

    Tell her that look is too much for a summer wedding, but thank you for your input. Sorry you're having to deal with this.

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  • Tiffany
    Dedicated July 2019
    Tiffany ·
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    I was livid last night, in the moment and all. But I stepped away from the conversation and I am cooling off before having a chat with all of them.
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  • Furture Mrs. G
    Expert September 2019
    Furture Mrs. G ·
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    So, for a wedding I do feel like her make up example is a little over the top. Have you tried sending pictures of what you are doing with your make up and advising that they do something similar? I have a MOH and one bridesmaid and lucky for me we all three have the same preference when it comes to make up in general. I am very plain jane and showed them what I wanted and they went based off that. I don't think you are being unreasonable. You are just wanting your bridal party to be in sync with one another which is very understandable. Tell her how you feel. Communication is EVERYTHING. & this is YOUR wedding.

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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    I really think it just depends on the bride and bridesmaids. It was important to me to not have "bridesmaids robots" with the same hair and makeup and dress and shoes. But my girls did buy their own dress ($89-$169). I let them pick their own shoes, jewelry, and I'm paying for their hair and makeup. But hair and makeup are optional, and if they want it done, they can do whatever they want. I'd honestly just rather have them look how they feel is best, rather than trying to find one look to fit every person.

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