Bridesmaid Troubles

You should wait until a year before the wedding, at the very earliest. If you’re having issues with multiple bridesmaids, you should also take a step back and reevaluate the common denominator.

You’re talking about the role of a bridesmaid as if it’s a job that they have to somehow earn... Being a bridesmaid is supposed to be an honor that you give to your closest friends, not some job that you need to fill with whoever works hard enough for it... your bridesmaids shouldnt be expected to do anything other than buy a dress and show up for the wedding. I am not sure what these other girls have done to warrant being “replaced,” but I can tell you that people will not care about a free dress, professional hair and makeup, and travel to your wedding if you’re treating them like an employee who has to earn a slot, rather than honored friends like how they should be treated.

View Quoted Comment 100% this!

How can you have lots of women who want the spot since it comes with all these "perks" but they also dont know about them going into it?


Regardless I strongly agree with PPs...

View Quoted Comment The entire problem isn't how I've treated them, the rest of my bridesmaids are very happy and excited as we (my FH and I) are. I had filled the positions with only people who were actually close to me. I do still have other people who are close to me, just not as close.
As for wording, I have bigger concerns than if somebody likes how I describe something. I posted simply because I already feel paranoid about it, the last thing I need on top of that is somebody picking apart my phrases. Thanks.
My bridesmaids already know what to expect because one of the very FIRST things I did is outline exactly who, what, where, and when. I'm organized and my girls love it. Expectations written out, ceremony written out, reception written out and consistent updates. My girls love it. Obviously, I don't want to go into the specifics of what they did but it wasn't something that I can easily forgive and my trust for them will never be the same. Each offense was only the ejected bridesmaid's. 0 other at-fault parties. That's all that needs to be said about that. I'm talking about it as a bride with a bitter taste in her mouth after having to ask more than one bridesmaid to leave her bridal party.

View Quoted Comment Well, the issue isn't me, the only common denominator aside from being raised in Ohio. The rest of my bridesmaids are all fine, no worries, not even a hint of concern.

View Quoted Comment It's not that I don't know about them going into it. I was genuinely close to all of my bridesmaids plus a few additional women. Unfortunately, the bridesmaids that I've had to replace were two of the ones I was closest to, so it has left me pretty jaded about the entire thing. I feel like the perspective I'm gaining on some of the people I thought I was close to is one I don't want to keep exploring.

View Quoted Comment 0% this. It's so easy to judge when it's not you.

I'm sorry you had to drop a couple of your bridesmaids. That doesn't sound like an easy decision. I'm not sure if I quite understand what you're paranoid about - are you nervous you'll get hurt again? If so, I would maybe take a step back from planning and just take a break. It sounds like you're still healing, and that might take a little bit of time. If you decide to ask these potential new bridesmaids, I'd wait until you feel 100% sure you want them by your side.


However, when you ask, be careful not to mention how they are replacing your other friends/ previous bridesmaids. I read a post on here that a bride's friend was seriously hurt that she was asked to be a replacement bridesmaid. I understand that you're graciously paying for everything, but it is ultimately up to your friends if they want to stand up there and if they feel wanted and honored.

View Quoted Comment Yea, the only bridesmaid who knows about the dropped ones is my moh.
I guess at this point it's one of those "if somebody that close could do that, what's stopping anybody else?" type of things.
Thank you for the advice and for not making me feel like I'm under attack/scrutiny because of their poor choices. It's genuinely helpful. Thank you.

I wouldn't replace bc the ladies will know that they were and it sucks feeling like the back up. Aladdin since there have been issues with previous ones them there could be rush the new ones. If things are going well then stick with whom you have currently.

View Quoted Comment What could they have possibly done to have deserved being ejected?

View Quoted Comment Actually, since I didn't ask all of my bridesmaids at the same time but asked them one on one in what I feel was the best style for them, nobody knows who is a replacement or an original. 🤷🏾‍♀️

View Quoted Comment It was big, trust was broken and if we can't trust you, you can't be in our wedding. It's that simple. As for specifics, I know what happened, my FH knows the specifics and most importantly, the ejected bridesmaids know exactly what they did.

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Based on what I am reading you know what you want to do so do not worry about what we think just go for it.

I probably wouldn't "replace" anymore bridesmaids. Just keep the ones you have.

View Quoted Comment Actually, I'm typically decisive. This has me really up in the air and off balance. Hence the original post, hence why my comments may be coming across as a bit pointed.

View Quoted Comment I would feel really bad asking my FH to lesson the role of one of his best friends because mine decided to do what they did. Especially with all of the reasons I already outlined.

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You wouldn't have to ask him to do that. Just have uneven bridal parties. If you didn't ask the first time around for bridesmaids, I wouldn't ask them now.

I'm sorry for your troubles and hope things get better! Personally, I wouldn't replace them, but if you do decide to replace them, I would wait until the summer to ask them. You want to be 100% sure you're making the right decision! Good luck!