Katelynn
Beginner October 2020

Bridesmaid trouble

Katelynn, on July 5, 2019 at 11:01 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 35
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Ok I seriously need help.. I asked someone to be a bridesmaid and I’ve quickly realized it was a bad decision and feel she’s ultimately going to ruin what’s supposed to be one of the best days of my life. I need advice.

35 Comments

  • Vicky
    Expert January 2020
    Vicky ·
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    Two questions for you: How do you think she's going to ruin your wedding day? Do you want to end your friendship with her?

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  • Katelynn
    Beginner October 2020
    Katelynn ·
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    Hi Vicky!

    This is where it gets hard.. it’s my fiancé’s sister who I was really excited to become family with as I never had a sister or a family for that matter. Her wedding is in April of 2020. I have since been told our son (her nephew) isn’t aloud because she doesn’t want children there.. I get it but it’s her Nephew and all our family is gonna be there. So now my son and I will not be attending her wedding, although she has not been informed this yet. I’ll try to make a pretty long story shorter..my boyfriend and I were gonna get married last year because we were expecting our first child. Our son was not planned and I had more traditional views on being married before having a child. We decided to hold off because he wanted me to truly enjoy that special day with him. We had our son in early January. A month before, his sister got engaged and at the time she sorta rubbed it my face “ I for sure though we were gonna plan weddings together, but I guess my brother just wasn’t ready for that +++” I left that comment alone as I was 9 months, miserable, and just wanted to hide and cry anyways. Fast forward to March and my boyfriend proposed to me during our first set of family pictures with our son. We wanted our date to be In January but decided not to do that since his sisters wedding is early April. So we decided on early October since we love the fall anyways. Now all the sudden “we’re copying her” and what not (I have no details on her wedding other than date and our styles are completely different). She’s been a complete b**** to me. My bridesmaid proposal was a “telegram” so the proposal got hand delivered to her house.. three days later I got a text from her “K, I’ll be in the wedding” not omg yay I’m excited, thanks for asking me nothing.. I said thank you and I’m excited and I miss you.. didn’t get a text back.. now she goes out of her way to ignore me. I’m just at my wits end and I don’t want her attitude ruing my day.
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  • Caytlyn
    Champion November 2019
    Caytlyn Online ·
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    I don’t think an ignored text message and not being as excited as you want her to be is a good enough excuse to kick her out of your bridal party. Doing so is a relationship ending move and that doesn’t sound like a great way to start out with your soon to be in laws.
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  • Futuremrsv
    Super October 2020
    Futuremrsv ·
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    This is a tough one. She sounds very immature and petty. Im not sure how you can get out of this since you officially already sent her the telegram.
    Although i feel like once she hears you arent coming to her wedding, that might turn into a huge ordeal and she might back out of your wedding anyways?
    Maybe you could talk to her and air things out and see what she thinks youe copying her and why she made those comments why you were pregnant
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  • Katelynn
    Beginner October 2020
    Katelynn ·
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    Hi Caytlyn,
    sadly, that’s not all. Just the start of it. At this point I truly believe, removing her from the party is going to be the only option as she has already gone above and beyond. I’m just looking for options on the nicest way to do it
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  • Tilar Fifield
    Devoted August 2019
    Tilar Fifield ·
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    I would sit her down and ask her what the deal is. Giving her a chance to tell her side will give your relationship a better chance. It’s bit like she is going anywhere, she will be your sister in law. But talking about it sooner rather than later is best for both of you. I would not put it off because things will only get worse. I had to remove 2 of my BMs and it sucks! I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
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  • Katelynn
    Beginner October 2020
    Katelynn ·
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    She is being very immature and I just don’t understand her because I always use to look up to her and admire her honesty. It doesn’t help that she’s being a bridezilla.
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  • Katelynn
    Beginner October 2020
    Katelynn ·
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    I appreciate your response! I’ve asked her a couple time to meet me for a drink or lunch but she ignores my texts and it’s hard to just catch her alone. She works two jobs. She’s one of those weird people who loves to work all the time and o my cares about money.
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  • Vicky
    Expert January 2020
    Vicky ·
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    If she's your FI's sister then kicking her out of the wedding is the last thing you should do. There isn't anything she's done that justifies that. Don't intentionally make the relationship worse. She's family; you're going to be connected to her for the rest of your life. All she has to do as your bridesmaid is show up at the wedding in the dress you choose. Don't expect anything more than that and you will minimize disappointment and frustration. Just give her the dress information and focus on other things.

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  • Hermione
    Devoted February 2020
    Hermione ·
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    So your future sister in law is a absolute peach... You can't block a wedding year to yourself. I would understand not wanting to do the same week or within weeks of each other but other than that it's ridiculous. I have a wedding 2 months before a family member (she set her date a year before I picked mine).

    The no kids at the wedding is pretty traditional now and days. It gives you a great excuse to miss it if you want to. I don't think it's spiteful towards you. Kids at a wedding can cost $200 per at some.

    Just roll with it. Expect crap from her. And don't let her ruin your day with her stupid mouth and attitude. You have a fantastic family full of love and just because it wasn't a Hallmark movie order doesn't make it any less.

    I too am a mom. You have a kid that gives you enough poop. Don't let her give you any more and do it cordially. You can say you have had enough of comments and don't appreciate x. Don't expect a leopard to change it's spots. Just stand up for yourself.

    Also, don't let judgy people get to you. I am also on my second marriage in a highly conservative area. I get the judgy people all the time. If they aren't paying your bills, don't pay them any mind. They aren't using theirs to begin with.
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  • Lauren
    Dedicated February 2020
    Lauren ·
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    You could be somewhat of a bridezilla and hit her with a contract lol. I had this ready to give one of my bridesmaids (my cousin) who lacks common sense. She texted me “I have 5 weddings including yours and none of them are local but they’re all really good friends so I have to go. I have to take so much time off and spend so much money.” It gets worse but that’s another story.

    I did NOT insult her and give the contract to her but I did informally talk to her about all of the points on it. An informal talk might help. My other bridesmaids found this completely hysterical and agreed that they’d sign it so it didn’t look like I was singling her out. I didn’t have them do it but if she acts up I have it ready hahaha.


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  • CDickman
    VIP September 2019
    CDickman ·
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    Why do you think she will ruin your day? I get
    that she is being a bit hard to deal with. I am not sure if it will be worth the family drama that kicking her out of the wedding will do.
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  • Tilar Fifield
    Devoted August 2019
    Tilar Fifield ·
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    I only say this because I have been through it. TWICE! It’s terrible and I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this. But seriously, you have to try your hardest to talk with her. If you put all your effort in to work this out with her and she still isn’t making an attempt then I would remove her because there will only be more problems. BUT, she is your sister in law and you have to be very careful. You will not only piss her off but other family members such as parents, other siblings or even your fiancé. No one wants to rock the boat as they’re becoming apart of a new family. I wish I would’ve talked to one of my girls sooner and more openly, we would probably still be friends!! The other girl was just cray cray lol!
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  • Stacey
    Devoted July 2020
    Stacey ·
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    Can your FH reach her and at least let her know that you and your son won’t be going to her wedding due to the no kids rule? Maybe he can figure out what she is thinking/feeling about you. Maybe they should connect. I wouldn’t say anything yet. See if he can get to her and maybe get her to meet with you to discuss what’s going on. I would let her know that you want to be close and get along. See if that helps then if you have tried everything and FH has as well then I would just let her know that while you wanted to be close it’s obvious that she doesn’t. If she is giving you attitude then that’s when I would cut her from the wedding party.
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  • ASMini914
    Super September 2019
    ASMini914 ·
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    Honestly it sounds like Lee drama than is worth to “remove her” as a bridesmaid. I would just not talk to her about wedding things unless it is telling her what dress to buy, or something along those lines. She doesn’t need to be super involved in anything else, and if she doesn’t buy th dress then it’s on her not you.
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  • Iva
    Super September 2019
    Iva ·
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    It sounds like both of you contributed to your relationship becoming toxic. If she has adult only wedding, I don’t see that being a reason for you not to attend. She is your FH’s sister, so not coming to her wedding to me is passive aggressive.
    Her mean comments when you were pregnant are obviously childish & not nice at all. But I would not play tic for tac & would try to be a bigger person, as you will have this woman in your life & there is no point of just making the situation worse for everyone. You asked her to be your BM many months after she made these comments, so why change your mind now? What does your FH think about all this? Can he maybe help by talking to his sister?
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  • Mandi
    Rockstar March 2020
    Mandi ·
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    I think you just need to suck it up. She acted like this mostly before you asked her, then you asked her anyway. So that's your first mistake. But starting a major rift in your new family is not a good choice.
    If she wants to have a child free wedding, that's her prerogative. And I say that as someone who doesn't really appreciate the concept.
    She works all the time so she's weird? Some people just like to work 50-80 hours a week. It doesnt mean I'm weird. I just like money and not being in debt. Sounds like she's paying for a wedding and planning a future. 🤷‍♀️
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  • Katelynn
    Beginner October 2020
    Katelynn ·
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    Thank you! I will definitely have him try. He wants to help but it’s hard since it’s his sister vs. his soon to be wife
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  • CDickman
    VIP September 2019
    CDickman ·
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    Please do not give this. I honestly would be so hurt if I got this.if a bride told me I could not be In Her wedding cause I could not attend something due to a reason I can not help. I think that would ruin any relationship.
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  • Katelynn
    Beginner October 2020
    Katelynn ·
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    Hi Mandi,
    I didn’t mean it in a mean way what so ever. I meant as more of a joke. I use to work my life away and learned it’s not worth it. And no, her mother and father are paying for her wedding and honeymoon.
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