Bridesmaid Trouble

Haha no, she is totally out of line. She can have cowboy boots and line dances galore at HER wedding.

I think you are in the right for sure. This day is about you and your fh! A bridesmaids job is to support you and help, not make it harder! You've been very polite, and shouldn't feel bad!

I wouldn't kick her out, but you need to be firm that you're having the wedding the way you want to have it. She needs to respect your decisions. If she disagrees, she can back out, but I don't think being stubborn with her opinions warrants getting removed from the wedding party.

I'm confused....you're not going to have her as a BM anymore because she wants to wear boots and play country songs all night? Simply tell her too bad, you're wearing heels and we're not playing country all night. I wouldn't replace her simply because she has a different opinion over shoes and music. You could ruin your friendship and ruin it over what some shoes? This is your wedding and she can have all the opinions that she wants, but at the end of it all it's your decision what happens not hers.

To answer your question, yes and no. Yes, she shouldn't have much input in what you want your bridesmaids to wear. If she has an issue with that, she can step down. But no, you shouldn't be firing or demoting bridesmaids. They're supposed to be your dearest friends, not employees. While it's annoying and frustrating I'm sure, the easiest thing you could do is ignore her and continue with your choices. If she doesn't agree with them, then she doesn't get to participate. For this reason exactly we suggest people not ask their wedding party this far out from the wedding; you never know how your relationships will change, and weddings definitely bring out the crazy in some people. I'd stop sharing any details with her immediately so that she can't try to influence your decisions.

Why in the world does this girl think she has even a voice in your wedding planning. I would cut off any conversations with her regarding planning the wedding and only speak to her about BM things. I don't believe in cutting people out after you asked them to stand by your side.

I would tell her it's your wedding not hers, if she continues to push for the things she wants then change to someone who is going to go with what you want for your wedding. This is your special day not hers. I've had a few issues with one of mine and I told her if she didn't want it done my way then I would be happy to have someone else in her place. Good luck.

It's pretty nuts that she's arguing with a bride about what to do at her wedding. If she were my bridesmaid, there wouldn't even be a discussion.

Seems like you're pretty quick on the draw with this. This is why you should wait to choose your bridal party - you're more than a year out. Why are there already dress fittings? Are you willing to have the friendship destroyed over this?

View Quoted Comment Totally this!!! She can have an opinion, but you just tell her know we're wearing heels and we're not country line dancing the whole time. And if she doesn't like that she can choose to not be in your wedding but I wouldn't kick her out.

I wouldn’t potentially end your friendship over it. I would just be firm that if she wants to be a bridesmaid she needs to enderstand that you want her in heels and you don’t want to play a bunch of country all night. Then I’d let it go, the DJ isn’t asking her for a list, they’d be asking YOU for songs. And as long as she gets her shoes, there’s no need to continually disagree on the topic. She needs to understand that this is YOUR wedding not hers. But you also shouldn’t jeopardize your friendship by “firing her”.

WHy are you having fittings over a year in advance? If she didnt show who cares? What did the other BM do to get the boot?

It's your big day! She doesn't get to control things like that for your wedding. She can do whatever she wants for her wedding. Tell her thank you for her input and it's a super cute idea but you want to have things your way.

Unless she's physically attacking you or trying to steal your FS away, I don't think there's a reason to "fire" a BM. Telling someone you don't want her in your wedding anymore hurts and could alter or end your friendship with her.

I'm a little confused. You said she created these playlists after you asked her. Why were you having her creating playlists if you're using a DJ? It sounds as though you asked her to help with something and she completed the task. Sure, she picked music that she likes instead of picking music that would fit your tastes, but it's true that anytime you ask someone to do something for you, they won't do it as well as you puld have if you did it yourself. It seems kind of natural that if you ask your country loving friend to create music playlists, you're going to get playlists back with lots of country.

It's weird that she's pushing for boots instead of following the guidelines you've laid out for BP attire. All a BM has to do is get the dress and show up on the day of the wedding. If you've specified that you would like your BMs to wear heels, then she should respect that and show up with her dress and heels. You simply need to remind her that it is your wedding and it is not western themed. You really want your BMs to wear dressy heels, not boots. Tell her that when she gets married, she can choose to have her BMs wear boots and have a country theme, but right now, your and your FS are the ones getting married and you have chosen a more classic look and need her to respect that.

You still have a year. You do not just keep replacing people with second round draft picks.

Adults are perfectly capable of scheduling their own fitting appointments. You are an adult (I'm assuming) and are perfectly capable of planning your own wedding without the help of unpaid labor.

You are out of line. Do not replace your friends.

Why on earth would you kick her out over this? Thank her for her suggestions and tell her it's not your vision. Repeat as needed.

We aren't having a bridal party...best decision ever

Being a bridesmaid isn't a job. You don't fire and replace them. First of all it's way to early to have even asked anyone to be in your bridal party, let alone going for fittings 14 months in advance. Perhaps if you would have waiting another 6 - 8 months to even ask your bridal party you wouldn't be in this pickle. Just tell her you've chosen what you want the BMs to wear and to please be on board with that since you are not making exceptions or changing your mind. As for the music, so she made a playlist, so what? She's not going to be your DJ, is she? Just tell your DJ not to take requests from the guests. Why is that an issue? If after all this she decides on her own not to be in your bridal party, you don't ask someone to take her place, it's rude. You just have one less BM.

Don't kick her out. Your wedding is still over a year away and at this rate you will run out of people to be in your wedding party if you are kicking people out for having opinions or missing appointments that have plenty of time to be rescheduled. Just remind her that boots don't exactly fit into your theme and she can change her shoes for the reception when the formality is done. You could also just take the play list and say thank you and then do whatever you want with it. She doesn't have to know you don't give it to your dj.