Bridesmaid travel issues

I would be frustrated and hurt as well if she's had that much advance notice, although if something really did come up at work that's beyond her control. I would maybe approach it as "I really wanted to have you here for all the wedding events including the bachelorette party on Friday and rehearsal on Saturday! I hate that you would have to leave right in the middle of our reception, that's about the time the fun will start! (or something like that) Can I help you look for flights?" ---If she absolutely has to be back at work on Monday there really may be no other option in terms of flight times unfortunately :/ I don't really see why giving her out has to ruin your friendship. I would just let her know you really want her to be a part of everything but if it's too much chaos and stress on her end, you understand if she has to bow out. I would give her the option, vs. you letting her go.

Not all employers care about prior obligations when there are deadlines or large workloads to be met. I wouldn't jeopardize my ability to earn a living for a party. I stand by my opinion that she's doing nothing wrong. She's trying to make everyone happy, and instead it's making you angry and probably her employer as well.

This isn't realistic at all. People have things come up at work that they can't avoid, your employer knows that you need them to survive and will sometimes spring things on you that you can't refuse, or else you'd lose your job. You're telling me that if you were in her shoes, you would be willing to lose your job so you can attend a wedding? Yeah, no dice.

Exactly this. My FH works for a large internet/telecommunications company, they're constantly shifting deadlines and moving things up. He's had to work several weekends in a row, without prior notice, and without extra pay. He knew that if he didn't, he would lose his job.

OP, I really think you need to step back from this situation and try to evaluate it from your friend's perspective. You keep saying that she is treating your wedding like it's an "inconvenience", if she truly thought that it were an inconvenience then she wouldn't have changed things around and volunteered to come that Saturday when she originally said she couldn't. She's trying to be accommodating and apparently that isn't good enough for you. If you want her to risk her job for you, it sounds like her attendance at the wedding is more important than maintaining the friendship -because part of being a good friend, and being a good bride, is recognizing that life gets in the way and no wedding is worth someone else's livelihood.

The more updates I see the worse I feel for the bridesmaid.

My FH would get fired if he did that at his job. He and I were supposed to do menu planning tomorrow and was told yesterday that a client had a major issue and he had to fly out to fix it today. It was either he flies out to fix it, or his company risks losing a huge client and then my FH gets laid off. It is nice that your job allows you that flexibility, but that is the exception and certainly not the rule.

OP, I totally understand why you are upset and frustrated! It really sucks she has complained about costs and is going to fly in and fly out so quickly, when she agreed to be BM fifteen months ago. I know you want her there for everything and just try to remember that you are upset and frustrated also b/c she is an important person to you that won't be present for everything.

That said, I would give her a little grace. Understand that the time and costs associated with your wedding are just that - costs to HER for YOUR wedding, and HER time.

I would just ignore it, forget it, don't lose the friendship over it, and just be frustrated and upset, vent it out, and move on. She will be there for the rehearsal and the ceremony which are the important parts.

I would also realize that part of why she is leaving that night might be because she doesn't have PTO/ has to be in the office on Monday. That's the tough part about standing up in weddings and/or Sunday weddings, people really do need to take time off of work in order to be there for two days.

This is exactly how I would handle it. Not worth the stress anymore and basically giving her the option to say she can't do it is the best way to handle it

I didn't even put two and two together that it's Presidents Day weekend! Hah.

I have off Monday but FH and basically all of my friends don't. It's perplexing to me.

Well, let her figure out the driving there and back. That's on her. She can always rent a car for $100 versus an expensive uber. You can't accommodate her at this time given the schedule. Very nice of you to try. She's an adult, she can figure it out.

So what would you do if you were told to be at work and couldn't get coverage for your shift? Are you honestly saying that you would tell your employer that you weren't going to show up AND that your employer wouldn't penalize you for that? Even if that were true, not everyone has the luxury of just telling their employer that they're not coming to work when they're told to be there. It doesn't matter how valuable of an employee you are.

I'm sorry but I just don't agree with how you are thinking of your bridesmaid at all. Instead of focusing on the fact that she has to leave early, why are you not thinking about the fact that she's probably paying a lot of money to fly across the country to only be with you for less than 48 hours? And she went and did her best to rearrange her schedule so that she could be there on Saturday because you said it was important to you. She'll be there to stand up for you at your wedding, and unless you were planning on hanging out with her for the entire reception, her not being there isn't going to be as noticeable once you're with all of your guests.

I get that you're disappointed - I would be too if one of my bridesmaids had to leave early from the reception and couldn't be there for all of the wedding weekend events. But I can't relate to how you're thinking of this as your friend being uninterested and treating your wedding like an inconvenience. If it was really an inconvenience, she probably wouldn't even be going. Instead it sounds like she's bending over backwards to try to be there for as long as she can and it's just not enough for you. I don't think you should end your friendship over this, but I wouldn't be surprised if your friend started reconsidering her relationship with you.

I was MOH for my friend a little over a year ago. She treated us like crap and three of us haven't spoken to her since her wedding. I had to leave her reception too because her wedding was 3 hours from my house and we had movers coming the next day at 8 am. Did I purposely schedule the movers the morning after her wedding because I wanted to be rude or because I thought it would be a lot of fun to move the day after a wedding? No. But my friend sure did act like I did and gave me the attitude to prove it. Never mind that I spent money on her shower, bachelorette, the dress, her gift, hair & makeup, left work early the day before her wedding and took a personal day for her wedding (because it was on a Friday). Nope. None of that mattered because I had to leave the reception and couldn't go to the after party. That, and other behavior before the wedding, really opened my eyes to who she was. Which is why I haven't spoken to her in over a year.

I'm sorry, I would honestly be really frustrated as well. It sounds like you've been accommodating and level headed about this. I also understand the points everyone else is making about regulations at jobs and how they can change.

What seems strange to me is that you two are close, it is so close to your wedding, and she hasn't been specific about what the problem is. If it were me in this situation and it was because of obligations at work, I would be all over the place describing what the obligation was and why I couldn't do anything about it. Maybe having a deeper understanding would help you feel better.

It sounds like it's time to set up a phone date, pour yourselves a glass of wine and just talk through it. I understand what you're saying about it seeming like a huge inconvenience and maybe she does feel that way, but maybe she just wants to do literally everything she can to be there for you for as long as she can and this is all she can do with what she is being dealt in her own life. It seems if you could understand more about what is happening and why, you may feel better about it and the two of you may be able to come to an agreement about what she is able to do to either be there or not be there and be ok.

She knows that you must be wondering about all of this, so be sure to be non-confrontational but come from a place of wanting to hear about what is happening with her and how she is doing. And definitely do this on the phone or over skype and NOT through text or email where meanings can be misconstrued.