Bridesmaid Responsibilities

@JessieJV I totally get not demanding your bridal party do things, but I guess I just can't imagine a scenario where I would be wildly offended or annoyed if the bride asked me to hold her bouquet while she took a photo or something. Or like if we're walking outside and the bride's dress is dragging on the ground automatically jumping in to grab it for her if I'm the closest one to her. The bride is likely someone I'm likely very close to, why wouldn't I want to help make sure the day goes smoothly for her?

I've only been in one wedding. From the time she got engaged to the wedding, there were about 3 months in between. My friend didn't ask a single thing of me. But because I love her dearly, I did offer help (setting up reception hall and what not). I didn't mind at all, she never pressured or asked me to do things. I think if your BP wants to help, they'll offer it and you either can ask for help or decline. I personally don't want anyone to "plan" or "do" anything for me. I'm excited to have my sister and my two best friends standing next to me the day I get married though!

@snowangel - That's not what we're talking about. We're talking about the bitchy-arsed brides that want their BMs to plan their wedding, pick out their wedding dresses, go to tastings, venue tours, stuff envelopes, do DIYs, plan showers and bachelorettes, etc. By the time the wedding comes around, you want to beat those brides with that bouquet they just asked you to hold or strangle them with the train of their dress.

The whole "point" of bridesmaids was to confuse the spirits so if something bad happened it wouldn't happen to the bride- but one of her unlucky friends.

As it evolved it was more of a moral support for actual clothing/dressing etc etc.

As it has evolved it's become a whole fucking unnecessary production.

The groomsmen were to protect the groom- and possibly to steal the girl if things went south.

Now they exist to throw parties- get shcwasted and take goofy pictures.

@JessieJV of course those types of brides are awful, but I read the post as the OP asking if it's out of line for her to even ask her bridesmaids to help out with some stuff on the day of the wedding and leading up to it. Sometimes the vibe on here makes it sound like the bride can NEVER ask the bridesmaids to do anything at all without it meaning she is a crazy bridezilla, and I don't really agree with that perspective. For me, I would never be mad about a bride asking me to do the types of stuff she mentioned in her post, so that's how I responded.

@snowangel - That's you. Personally, for one of the weddings that I was in, the bride was super inconsiderate. I was working 50 hours a week at two jobs and doing a University class. Her expectations were that we would drop everything and be on call for whatever she needed.

What we are saying is that you have to understand that you are not to expect anything from your BMs, if they offer, you can take them up on it, but it is yours and your partner's wedding, not theirs. If you truly need something done on your wedding day, hire a coordinator.

I haven't asked mine to do anything for me, but I have asked their opinions on things like decor or which venue. I invited my MOH to join me while i shopped for my dress and linens, but it definitely wasn't expected that she come along. We spent one day shopping for centerpieces and trying to plan some decor, which she offered to do. To thank her, I paid for her lunch, which she insisted I didn't need to do.

I think in general, it's OK to ask for help or let your bridal party participate in planning, as long as they offer and are truly OK with it. I can't imagine getting mad at someone in the BP if she can't make it to an appointment or doesn't want to help with a DIY project.

If I were a bridesmaid I would want to help out with everything and throw parties, etc. Not everyone is like that and it's okay. The only thing that makes my BM's stand out from other guests is a bouquet and navy blue dress. They definitely don't feel like it's a place of honor to stand there. And my other friends don't feel any less honored not being up there for a whole 15 minutes. We don't take any of it that seriously.

Agree with most asking for help is fine but don't expect

When I was a bridesmaid I also loved being included in things. She called us her Megan's Angels lol & she kept us posted on everything...including the dress. She chose her dress & then showed it to us. We all helped her with putting decorations together & made it fun, wine & laughs. I don't think it's rude to ask them to do things with you...I think they'd love it actually. But, yes I guess they're only job technically is to show up.

Thanks everyone. This helps me get a fuller sense for how to think of my bridesmaids. I really love each of them and simply want them to be present at the wedding. I know one of my BM can't wait to give a toast and a few others have expressed interest in other tasks, I'm sure it will all come together without my needing to micromanage anything. I really appreciate everyone's perspectives.

I think their responsibility has been mentioned already - dress, stand by you and look good for photos and support you.

As for extras, you can certainly ask reasonable things knowing full well there is no obligation from anyone. If they offer, great, if not, you can ask but assume they will say no.