Bridesmaid regret

#Autocorrectfail

Boy do I feel your dilemma on this! Currently having some regret in asking one of my bridesmaids as well...

I definitely jumped the gun in asking my BP. I was just so excited about being engaged that I immediately put together my little "proposal" boxes and promptly gave them to my girls back in May of 2017 (my wedding isn't until this coming October), yikes! I typically have mostly guy friends, as it's hard for me to find girl friends that don't annoy the heck out of me lol, but for some reason I felt like my BP had to be comprised of all girls, so I asked my sister to be my MOH, my best friend of 14 years to be a BM, and then the girl I am now having regret with asking (I should have just asked my other best friend to be a bridesman; oh well)...

We've been friends for 10 years, but she's lived states away for 9 of those 10 years. Actually, the last time I saw her in person was about 4 years ago, but we stay connected on FB, text monthly, and talk on the phone every couple of months. Although we aren't as chatty and connected as most friends are, each time we talk we seem to pick up right where we left off and our 3 hour phone calls feel like 10 minutes. We really click, so because of this I thought she would be a good bridesmaid. But, she hasn't shown much interest in my wedding festivities. I always have to text her first. When I sent her photos of my wedding dress, she seemed very excited, but the conversation ended very quickly after that (as most wedding conversations we have seem to do). I've also reached out to her several times to discuss BM dresses, but she never seems to respond to those texts, or if she does she says something along the lines of, "oh yes, let's chat about this soon! Miss you, Love you", but then we never end up discussing it, which is making me nervous that she won't get her dress in time. I also feel weird about the fact she's in Texas, while I and the rest of the BP are in California.

I really wish I had not asked her. I love her to death and will always cherish our friendship, but I'm feeling like she would have been a much better guest than a bridesmaid. I think the biggest thing for me is, I feel like she's not happy about being a BM, but she's far too polite to ever say so. So I'm not sure how to bring this all up to her, or if I even should. Maybe she would be relieved to not be a BM, or maybe she'll be offended and hurt? I just have no idea.

Anyway, I feel your pain. If you found a way to let your BM go without damaging the friendship, I'd love to know how you did it! (And if I figure it out, I'll come back to share my advice!)

I've had all these issues with my bridesmaids, I TOTALLY understand what you're going through. My first bridesmaid forced herself into the wedding and being me I was too wimpy to say no. Then she got into a fight with one of our mutual friends and demanded I take her off the guest list. I said no and she got alllllll offended because I wouldn't hate her (I had no reason!). Then she told me if I couldn't make HER comfortable on MY day (I have screenshots, oh do I have screenshots. I couldn't let that go), then she couldn't be part of my day.

I told her calmly that it is my day and that she needed to understand it was about my and my fiance's day, and she preceded to tell me what a bad friend I was.

If I was you, I would just say that you're downsizing the wedding party, and if she is a true friend, then she will understand. Best of luck, and if you want a laugh, let me know if you want to see the screen shots!!

I get it. I asked my guy friend to be a “bridesman” because we’ve been best friends since we were 12. There was an issue 4 years ago when he started dating his fiancé. He quit his job, school, moved in with him, got engaged, and then moved across the country all within 4 months. Because I was honest that I was worried about him he freaked out on me back then. They came home a few months after moving to throw an engagement party where we all bought them gifts. Fast forward 4 years, they never actually got married. I got engaged in October and he throws a shotgun wedding for tomorrow actually that he mentioned to us 2 weeks ago. I genuinely didn’t care about any of this until he told me I wasn’t invited to the ceremony or brunch afterwards. Just out to drinks in our town after he celebrates with their immediate families. It hurt a lot to hear that since I thought we put aside our past fight, he’s in my upcoming wedding, and we all went to their engacement party & got them gifts. I would never unask him. But, it has been really hurtful. It makes me question if our friendship is actually back to normal, and I’ve definitely wondered if I’ll regret it in the future. I really thought I’d get away without having bridal party drama but this has really sucked. I’m really hurt but voicing my opinion last time didn’t work out so well, so not really sure there’s anything I can say or do without seeming selfish.

I asked my husbands sister to be a BM. She said yes, then said nothing about the wedding, no questions no input. She didn't even ask what colours I was thinking etc!
In the end, I was winding myself up and decided to talk to her about it.

I told her what was expected of her as a BM (pretty much nothing other than help planning a hen do etc) and gave her the option not to be a BM. She said she'd be happy being a guest, and that is why she has been so quiet about it all.

There was no fall out, just a discussion and that is what we decided to do in the end.

It was the best decision, and we both felt happier after talking about it. We do have a good relationship, and I didn't take it personally!

I’ve been married just barely under a month and boy do I feel your pain on this subject. I was engaged for a year and a week and asked my bridesmaid around the recommended 8 month mark. At least one of them was a horrible friend to me in the months leading up to the wedding. I won’t go into detail, but like, really horrible. I was so torn whether I should ask her to step down and just be a guest, but I ultimately stuck with the decision that I had originally made to make her a key player in my bridal party. Now that the wedding is over I know I will probably never speak to her again and just have to deal with the consequence of always looking back and seeing her in our wedding photos. I took the higher road and tried to look at it almost in perspective of your marriage - you made a choice to marry this person, and there will probably be good times and bad times, and you’ve just gotta grit and stick it out in the bad times. Just remember that nobody but yourself can get in the way of ruining your own wedding day and just ignore her if she does try to cause problems.