Bridesmaid regret

Yes, this happened to me. She has a lot going on right now and could not commit, she had said yes because she hoped to be able to. I talked to her about how she seems to have a lot going on and if she needs to step back, I’d appreciate her telling me, and I offered my help in anything she’s going through. She agreed and we agreed that if the situation changes later, we’ll revisit it. However, she has not really talked to me since, so that is a potential consequence.

Can you tell us why you regret asking her? Maybe it can be fixed. If not, you could lose that person as a friend.

Asking someone to step down down can definitely affect your friendship, so my advice would be to find a way to accept that you asked this person to be in your BP, unless you are 100% certain you want to end your friendship with this person. Why do you regret asking this person to be your BM?

It is generally never a good idea to ask someone to step down once you have asked them to be a BM. Unless you are willing to possibly lose her as a friend completely. What is the reasoning behind the regret?

Well we were close for a while but she just stopped talking to me as much she’s very two faced and ignores my messages. She’ll ignore my message for two days then open it and not reply but she’ll post all over social media.. I’m still upset she’s only seen my son twice in the last year but she dropped everything to go see a girl she talks bad about’s nephew in the hospital. I’m just flustered because all my other bridesmaids talk to me and keep up s friendship and I don’t feel she cares. But when I asked her if she really wanted to be a bridesmaid of course she said she did.

This is why we always tell brides not to ask bridesmaids until 6-8 months before the wedding. A bridesmaid's only job is to wear the dress (that she can afford) and stand up on the day of the wedding. Nothing else is required, so I don't understand why this would cause problems. Asking a bridesmaid to step back can damage your friendship forever.

Why do you regret asking someone? What's going on? Unfortunately, you're likely stuck. Friendships/relationships can be ruined if you "drop" people from your wedding. This is why people recommend waiting until 6-8 months out from the wedding to ask anyone - relationships/friends change, even if people are "sure" they won't. I personally am a fan of no wedding parties... Less stress for everyone and no drama!

You’re upset that your friend doesn’t spend enough time with your son but went to visit someone else’s nephew in the hospital? Are you saying that your friend isn’t giving you enough attention? Because that is an extremely petty and self-centered reason to be upset with someone. Your friend has a life and is free to do whatever she wants with it. Are you talking to her about the wedding a lot? When the conversation becomes one-sided (“me me me”) it’s frustrating to other people. Stop stalking her social media activity and worry about what’s actually important. She wants to be in your wedding but remember that she isn’t at your beck and call. Asking her to step down would absolutely tarnish or end your relationship.

Your wedding isn't until October of 2019? So you asked your bridal party almost two years in advance? I would think that this isn't new behavior for her, so asking her to step back with this long to go is going to be a friendship-ender.

If you don't care to continue a friendship with her, then ask her to step down. You're wedding isn't for almost two years - I don't see what there is to talk to her about regarding it. Is she normally distant? If so, there is no reason to think that she would change that because she's a bridesmaid. If she normally isn't distant, there might be something personal going on in her life.

View Quoted Comment Doesn't sound like someone you should have as a BM. And I'm willing to guess that you wouldn't be all that bummed if you didn't speak to her again. You don't want her there, don't have her there. If a friendship is lost over something like this there was never really one anyway. My ex best friend asked me to be maid of honor. We hadn't really spoke that often anymore as her life was drastically changing, lifestyle included. I was surprised she asked, honestly. However, when I got there and we were about to start, her oldest daughter walked in in her Navy dress uniform. She was supposed to be MOH but didn't think she'd make it. I wasn't told I was "backup" and felt slightly betrayed. All of a side I wasn't needed and she really just basically ignored me the rest of the night. So ... If you truly don't want her there. Don't have her. The awkwardness alone will suck for both of you. Trust me on this one.
Good luck!!

If you knew this was the way she is then why ask her? If you want to lose her as a friend (which you sound like you don't want her as one anymore anyway) then drop her.

I would end a friendship if someone removed me as bridesmaid. I am pretty chill about things but that is really rude. So if you are willing to lose her as a friend, go ahead.

Also be willing to look like a major you know what to everyone else in your life too.

Ok I was overwhelmed. I’m not asking her to step down.

View Quoted Comment Why did you ask 2 Years early? Just curious. Most people wait 6-8 mos

View Quoted Comment Because when he proposed we never planned on waiting until 2019. We planned on doing it October of this year I didn’t know people waited 6-8 months.

If you knew she was like this then why ask her to be in your wedding?! It will definitely put a strain on your friendship. Honestly her not visiting your son is not a reason to kick her out of your wedding. I’d talk with her about the lack of response to your messages and see where it goes from there. My sister has been distant and does the exact same thing—no reply to messages for hours sometimes days sometimes never. We got into a heated argument about it and haven’t spoken since before Christmas and she’s my
Maid of Honor—well at least i think she is! I don’t know. My wedding is in June but yours is over a year away. This shouldn’t be an issue at this point. Give it some time.

I regret choosing my best friend as my MOH there is so much pressure on an MOH with being the number one go to Bridesmaid. She is not cut to be a planner, she procrastonates and it stresses me out. The last thing someone with an anxiety disorder needs is a MOH who cant make a decision/ waits till the last minute. I love her dearly and she is my best girlfriend but MOH is just not her thing. I hope she forgives me for making her my MOH. I am glad the process is almost over and I know if I am ever an MOH I will plan everything ASAP like I did with my wedding.

View Quoted Comment This kind of advice is totally contradictory to everything we are indoctrinated with by the media amd friends the bridesmaids are in charge of the bachelorette, the bridal shower and helping woth wedding tasks. Thats what I always thought. Its too much oressire to try to do everything yourself with out asking for help you akways have a right to ask for help amd to ask for what you want. Its ok for people to say nonor not give it. But you have the right to ask.