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March 2020

Bridesmaid Problem

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Weddingbee, on May 16, 2019 at 6:13 AM

just want some advice. I was asked to be a bridesmaid by my college friend and I was happy to. However, as time went on, I started to become more and more unhappy with my decision. The bride never discusses her decisions or asks for the bridal party's input. We are basically always told what to buy....

Just want some advice. I was asked to be a bridesmaid by my college friend and I was happy to. However, as time went on, I started to become more and more unhappy with my decision. The bride never discusses her decisions or asks for the bridal party's input. We are basically always told what to buy. The dress she picked out was $120 with shipping and taxes, with alteration fee of $70 on top of that. She also made us buy matching shoes which were $30. The bridal shower is about $50 per bridesmaid excluding the gift that I got her which was around $60. She made a separate registry for the shower since she is accepting only cash for the wedding. On top of that, she wants to have a bachelorette party in LA for 2 nights and 3 days. She wants an airbnb with jacuzzi, mani pedi, spa, wine tasting, clubbing, so I feel very worried as to how much we will all have to end up paying. Then, today she asked the girls to venmo $90 for doing hair on the wedding day, which is another added cost. I also have to fly from the east coast to attend the wedding, which is around $500 round trip. And also pay more money for the wedding day since they only receive cash. I called her and asked about not going with the hair and she seemed kind of upset and there was some tension. I don't think the relationship feels the same. I'm also getting married and we both talked about being each other's bridesmaids. But when I brought up doing my wedding in may, she said that she will not be able to make if it's the same weekend she has to go to Thailand. I was hurt because the date is a year away, and she doesn't seems willing to change her vacation time for my wedding when I'm trying so hard to make things work. It's about 2 months until the wedding, and I am thinking about stepping down as a bridesmaid. What does everyone think?

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24 Comments

Master October 2020
Mandi · on May 16, 2019 at 10:23 AM
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I picked a dress and kept it under $130 because I felt like I was being respectful of budgets. So I'm a little surprised to see it listed as a huge expense. I also chose long dresses, because otherwise I was going to want my friends to get matching $70 shoes.

I barely made my best friends wedding. I had to leave for Europe 5 hours after the wedding. It was super stressful, and I just barely made it happen.

I already have deposits down on our honeymoon next April, so it could be a situation where she already has things planned out.
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Savvy August 2019
Heather · on May 22, 2019 at 9:45 PM
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Step down and don't blink an eye either! Who the hell demands anything from anybody?! I told my girls look for what you want just in my colors and all the same dress, they showed me many options they liked and could afford and I chose the one that I thought would be good for my wedding. I only asked for them to wear the same color shoes, I don't care what style just same color. Everyone is different, you cant demand things, that is so flippin rude! My sister asked me about a bachelorette party, I said sure lets all be together and have some fun and a drink, how ever that happens I'm good with! I just want to connect and be with my girls, relax and have fun. That's what's most important!
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Master July 2019
Hannah · on May 22, 2019 at 11:38 PM
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As others have said, being a bridesmaid is expensive. That being said, if she is requiring professional hair and makeup, proper etiquette states that she is supposed to pay for that. Also, she can request things for her bachelorette, but it is not her party to plan. It is a party thrown in her honor by her bridal. You and the other bridesmaids have final say in what is done and how much it costs. Furthermore, if you can't attend, you can't attend. Sure, she may want everyone to be there but that is not always possible. Lastly, the thing that is the most ridiculous is that she is only accepting cash gifts. That just seems so bratty and entitled. A person gets whatever gift someone gives them and is grateful for it. No one is entitled to a gift. A registry (or lack of one) is a suggestion of "hey, if you'd like to get us a gift, here's some things we would like," but it is rude to demand one. I may be a little petty, but things like that make me want to just bring a cheap, giant mixing bowl all nicely wrapped up so they have to figure out what to do with a giant box at the end if the wedding night. The icing on the cake is how inconsiderate she is regarding your wedding and your status as a friend. I'm sorry, but she seems selfish and entitled.
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Just Said Yes July 2016
Diana Cruz · on June 25, 2019 at 1:27 AM
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Girl, cut your losses on what you already spent and part ways with this friend. You're only going to continue to spend more money and probably resent it. My advise ditch the friend, sell the items you already purchased on ebay and take yourself and your fiancé on a cute getaway during her wedding. You deserve a better friend.
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