Bridesmaid not invited to Bachelorette party

View Quoted Comment Hubby has friends on the NC Tenn border who have gone over to Tenn. They are not super tight there, about staying home. Big focus on numbers. They chose not to go when invited. ( Did go to pick up a grandmother just out of the hospital ) But told, as long as there are only 4 people, and their tables are way apart, all you have to do is say, we work in the same room all day, so what is the difference between us, and a family? Lots of people not observing stay home rules, and lax legal enforcement of "stay home." But it could be a reason those 3 planning it did not include everyone.

Screw not upsetting the bride, she was a jerk and deserves to be called out.


Obviously a calm approach is the best one, but do what makes YOU feel better. Don’t worry about getting upset, you have a right to be. It’s totally fair to let her know that you feel hurt about being left out. It’s fair to have that conversation now, it’s fair to put it on hold and have it after the wedding. It’s really what feels best for YOU. That it is her wedding is not an excuse to be rude.
I would be so hurt to be left out of such an event that personally, I’d need to clear the air before the wedding, because otherwise I’d find myself struggling to be part of the big day and happy getting ready facade with the girls before the wedding if I was holding that in! But I would try to take a calm collected approach to try to avoid the blow up. I’d find a time after the fact to mention that I felt hurt by being left out, and would’ve rathered that she just be upfront with me ahead of time about it instead of the secretive way as that was more hurtful. I wouldn’t be looking to start a fight, but rather to inform her of the feelings.

View Quoted Comment Maybe she does, but maybe she does not, at all. It could be that when planning, someone said, she has already been to 4-6 pre-wedding parties, none of the rest of us went to more than the one we gave, and 1 where we were invited to be a guest. So if we have to limit to the number in 1 car or 1-2 hotel rooms, we should be be able to plan the party we want, sing we 3 are giving the party ( or however many are hosting.). Showers and bachelorette s, the bride gives a list of possible, people she is close to, who are on the wedding invitation list. And the hostesses, not the bride choose whether to have a shower for ****. And for Bach, they usually decide far smaller for a trip, but whether 15 or 10 or 6 or 3 plus bride, is host's choice. Yes, ordinarily, I would not think just one bridesmaid should be left out. Normal etiquette is you try not to exclude 1 person. But normal etiquette is also that hosts decide the number, not bride who is guest of honor. And normal etiquette says guests only accept invitations to 1 shower, though that may be in addition to one they host.

It might be hard to get upset with sis for not including everything, as is usual. But OP already went to most or all of 6. Giving hosts a reason to think she has had more than her share of other hosts parties, and the bride's time and attention. And in the usual way of etiquette, host's choice. So OP might end up being told those things, plus something uncomplementary for even bringing it up. Other people do not have to be invited to a host's party, because the potential guest ( sister here) think they ought to be included. Whether a birthday party at 7 or a bachelorette at 25, sometime the best thing might be not to share feelings. But to work on accepting the fact that she did accept invitations and go to 4-6 pre-wedding parties already, and if the bachelorette hosts did not include her, she needs to accept that. Not share bad feelings, and cast a shadow over bride's party. There is nothing I can see stopping sis and another friend or two from taking the bride out for a dinner and drinks, or a show, if they can do it with Covid rules. Sharing everything you feel can make someone you share with feel dumped on. Sometimes working on acceptance, not sharing hurt, or anger, is a better thing. Clearly sis has had no shortage of individual or party time with the bride.

I don't think that you get to shirk responsibility for your actions just because you have an important event coming up. I get that moms don't want their kids fighting, but I don't think ignoring your very valid feelings is the healthiest was to handle it. It was nice of you not to interfere with the party itself, but I think that you should bring up. Just let her know that you are aware that the bachelorette party occurred and you're hurt and confused as to why you weren't invited. Tell her what you told us, that you directly asked the other ladies about it and they lied to you and that you set aside time and money for this and that you've gone above and beyond as a bridesmaid and sister and that it's not okay to be excluded for no reason.

Absolutely say something to her! That was incredibly mean of her to not invite you. I'm so sorry that happened!

View Quoted Comment I disagree. You commented elsewhere that it’s not a requirement for every bridesmaid to be invited to the bachelorette as well, and again, I disagree completely. It’s fine if not everyone makes it, but it’s rude to ask someone to be a part of your day then intentionally exclude them. I think a bachelorette is very different from a shower where yes there usually is one clear cut host. I’ve experienced situations where someone takes the lead on bachelorette planning but never where an individual fully hosts the event. There is generally some group factor in the plan and the bride’s opinion should be factored in, and in my experience everyone sharing costs as they have previously described. Maybe it was an issue of the bride’s opinion being ignored and she didn’t know it was going to happen until she got there and feels bad that her sister wasn’t invited— and that’s fair, and that may make that conversation go very smoothly— but doesn’t mean the conversation is unwarranted and that clearing the air isn’t necessary. In fact it doesn’t matter at all where the thing went wrong, when feelings are hurt, they deserve discussion, end of story. If this girl asked other bridesmaids what the bachelorette plan was and they brushed her off and made excuses, she was lied to, which is rude, and deserves to be addressed— whether they should be required to invite her or not is one thing, and the standard of human decency is the other — it’s not just about exclusion, it’s about the deceit, and even if none of that was her sister’s choice or doing, a conversation with the sister is still an appropriate direction to go in for resolution.