Bridesmaid nightmare - nightmare mil & Sils

The last thing you want is drama in your day or negative people in your life. Keep us cordial and go on to live a happy life with your FH.

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AMEN! thank you!!!

1. I think you try to mend the relationship enough that they won't throw a tantrum during the wedding, but not enough to encourage them to be in the wedding party.

2+3. If your friends are familiar with the family dynamics and know that you would've chosen them if you hadn't felt obligated to include the sisters, it's perfectly fine to invite them. Just make sure to mention that you wish you'd invited them from the beginning. Knowing the backstory (at least the part you posted, I'm sure there's more), I wouldn't be offended to be invited as a replacement in this situation.

You may not have handled this in the most graceful way, but it's pretty clear that you are not the main problem here.

I would choose option #2. I'm all about family first, until they treat you like dirt. Don't make room for them, or boot out your friends who've been there for you, for people who "no longer want to be in your wedding" anymore. So sorry you guys are dealing with family troubles during your wedding planning. But I'd definitely boot the SIL's and have your close friends up there with you.

Also agree with Jessica! If they are your nearest and dearest, I am sure they will understand if you explain the circumstances and full heartedly ask that they join your bridal party. (Also wondering how long you’ve been planning, maybe you can just ask them like nothing happened prior?) IF they already know his sisters were asked, then ya, just have an honest convo, let them know the pressure you felt, but would be honored if they joined you. We have two add ons (not over drama, thankfully) but they were happy to join us for our day.

As someone with toxic family...

If your FH had a difficult relationship with his family because they were not a healthy family, I guess I'm confused why you wanted to make them tight-knit?

DH has a very tight-knit, relatively healthy family. When I explained my family to him, he didn't ask me to get to know them better, he didn't try to include them... he knew that wasn't healthy for me.

I would suggest counseling for your FH, because toxic families like that can leave a lot of scars (personally, I'm starting another round, myself, because some old wounds made their presence known).

When people show you who they are, believe them.

We invited my family, because I thought perhaps we could contain the most toxic person (my mother). Well, she took exception to the invitations, and... my father and my stepmother were my only family at the wedding. It ended up being quite delightful, because the toxic elements removed themselves.

I am so sorry you are going through this but in MY opinion as horrible as it may sound I would just distance myself if possible or set boundaries. Like others have said if they wont change or they dont want to fix anything then no matter what you or your fiance do nothing will ever work. They obviously have their own issues within themselves and there is no point in trying to keep making the peace or trying to resolve issues that will never be resolved. It seems to me like you are a very sweet and respectful individual and you just want to do the right thing but there comes a time where you just have to let things be and just not give it any more of your time. Like I mentioned earlier if there is a way that yall could just distance yourselves so yall dont have to deal with the unnecessary BS then I would go that route meaning dont go out of your way for them or put your happiness and feelings on the back burner to try and keep everyone happy or satisfied because that will never happen. I would just continue being respectful, being the bigger person and just being cordial for certain circumstances if you just have to be around them with no other choice but if they keep being rude and disrespectful to you I would choose not to be around them or have them around unless they learn to be adults and treat you with respect as their sons wife. As for your wedding it is your big day and you deserve to be happy and dont allow anyone to tell you otherwise. Dont let people try to make you do things you are not 100% happy with and definitely dont do things just because you feel obligated. If they wanna act ridiculous then just cut it off at that point and dont have them be in your wedding party. If your friends know the issues already then just explain yourself and have who you really want in your wedding party. I know some people may not agree due to etiquette but screw that this is a once in a lifetime thing and you do whatever your heart desires!!!! I hope you have a fantastic wedding you deserve it good luck hun!!

HExplain what a pickle you were in, feeling stuck with FSIL, and that they are the ones you wanted all along. Chances are, if the can do it, they will. The way to solve issues with not inviting someone's SO, when they are dating before invites go out, is to invite both of the couple, or neither. And provided it is done nicely, it is considered okay to let a host know that you have an exclusive relationship ( if you do.) Nicely, not strong-arming them into giving an invitation. Talking to the host was not by itself any issue. How it was done, well, you should not have intervened, good or bad. But if Bro does not much care, neither adult sister needs to be invited, with or without a date. FI needs to decide and tell them, not you. 🤪Though if you do invite them, their having a date should keep them out of your face at the wedding. Put them with other young couples, and put your parents with friends or relatives their age, and they may be involved enough in the party that you won't deal with them after posed pictures. Singly the SIL may be up to trouble. I think of inviting a date for one of my single SIL whenever we must be in the same room. Like a babysitter, the price of my having a good time is whoever's dinner, in exchange for him keeping her so occupied we never meet.
So, first, do not invite, if O K with FI. But if the SIL must come, let each bring a keeper.

Look, if you and your FH are on the same page about his family not being involved in the wedding then that's YOUR choice. It's YOUR wedding day and there is no law that says families have to be included. His family has clearly shown who they are and he has made the choice to distance himself from them for a reason. So if his two sisters have decided to not be in the wedding party? Good riddance to bad rubbish and include the people you wanted to be in in the first place. Just because someone is related to you by blood (or FH in this case) does NOT give them free reign to be toxic entities in your lives. Blood does not give anyone the right to be rude, demanding or entitled - PERIOD. So, if you and FH want to keep them at a distance, by all means, set your boundaries and stick to them and to hell with anyone who doesn't respect those boundaries. FIL says mind your business? Guess what? Your wedding IS your business.

Absolutely replace them in your BP!!! It's your WEDDING! Soak up every awesome moment with the truly good people in your life! If you were my very close friend and this happened to you, I would understand and be like heck yeah- I got you girl! What color am I wearing? Lol but of course, make it very clear that *THEY* were the first choice (not the SIL's) and that you were forced to try and involve his sisters for the sake of the future family relationships. Make them feel how wanted they are and it'll be fine.