Hello everyone! This is a bit of a rant and I’m so sorry. I’m so torn on how to proceed and I need help. I feel it’s only fair to give a full background. I never thought I would be placed in such an awkward position. My wedding is two months away, and I have a bridesmaid that has done very little to actually be a bridesmaid.
Obviously, Covid-19 has completely changed my wedding experience. Personally, I feel this fact may make a bridesmaid MORE active in at least asking me if I needed help with anything. My bridal party is incredibly small because it’s just what I wanted. MOH is my older sister, bridesman (future brother in law), and lastly the person not pulling her weight is a friend who I’ve known for years. I consider her a sister!
My bachelorette to the Dominican Republic was canceled back in July, obviously. I felt incredibly hurt that not one of my bridal party reached out to me with ideas for an alternative party. I finally broke down to my MOH and she finally kicked Into high gear and planned a beautiful socially distanced bachelorette at her house.
I’m a huge planner and had no problems helping make decorations, etc. My bridesman lives in NYC, so I knew he wasn’t able to come down until the day before to help out. We spent the last weekend before the event finishing decorations. I’m not kidding when i say we used my Cricut for 11 hours straight! My bridesmaid didn’t reach out to us until last minute. She didn’t reach out to ask if we needed help, she wanted to tell us about all the hiking she did and the bad date she had that weekend. It was a FaceTime call and she still was totally aloof to our lack of engagement in the convo. I was stunned and hurt, and what’s worse I could tell my sister was too.
So it’s finally the day of the party and I’m up early. My fiancé’s brother came down too and they had a small bachelor party that same day. I planned all of their events and catered their food. Besides the donuts from Wegmans, I also catered ALL of my bachelorette food. I love to cook, so this wasn’t a huge problem to me. Not to toot my own horn, but the spread looked and tasted amazing.
What I had an issue with is that my bridesmaid arrived early to my sisters house and didn’t even know the theme! That’s how uninvolved she has been. When I made my entrance I was so excited to see everyone and overall I had such a great time. It was the first time in a long time that I actually felt like a bride.
Throughout the party I helped keep food stocked and chose to ignore certain things because hey, this day was finally about me! It wasn’t until the end of the party that I finally asked my MOH/sister if it was crazy that a bridesmaid was the first to leave the party. She shrugged and said she noticed too, but didn’t feel the need to cause drama. I should mention my sister is very authoritative, self assured, and let’s no one boss her around. She is a great person and will do anything for anyone! I could sense she just gave up trying to tell her how to be a bridesmaid. I spent that night and the next morning cleaning all the confetti and balloons.
In the afternoon after the party, I felt the need to post a nice thank you on instagram using my hashtag. I scrolled thru my phone and obviously, I didn’t take a lot. I go into the new bachelorette group chat and snag a few photos. I’m hurt to find out we didn’t get a decent group shot. I had just a handful of photos of me. No one gave me my sash or booty veil to wear. I then see the bridesmaid post a selfie she took at my bachelorette of her in a bikini going down the slip n slide. No mention of me, my hashtag, or the fact she was at a bachelorette. I’m beyond annoyed about it.
I know that tradition says that the bride should not have to pay towards her bachelorette, but I did because I know that splitting up costs amongst a small party can be challenging. I easily put $300 into this party and my MOH way more. I know the guests even graciously chipped in for the stripper and custom t shirts. I overheard my sister speaking to my mom and she let it slip that the bridesmaid shelled out ‘less than $50”.
Fast forward: We are renting a small venue to host my small bridal shower. I do not want a repeat of my bachelorette. I want full participation from all parties. I want a billion photos of me and my friends. How do I approach my bridesmaid? I don’t want to kick her out/ruin our friendship but I want her to feel responsible for SOMETHING. She’s yet to even pay me for her bridesmaid dress. Is it right to have a zoom meeting and set the budget at $200 per person? (She has a well paying job, eats out once a day, Starbucks twice a day). She’s been a maid of honor before, she should know better, right? Our reception is likely going to be rescheduled, but I’m still having a ceremony. We have put so much effort into this wedding. I’m still a bride and i want to feel like one.
anyway, thanks to anyone who took the time to read all of this. It was so nice to just let it all out.
