Bridesmaid - kicked out of a destination wedding in a foreign country - 2 days before the wedding

Hi everyone, sorry for the long winded explanation but I really want to illustrate the context of what just took place.

My best friend of over 10 years is getting married today - in Quito, Ecuador - and 2 days ago I was told not to attend the wedding and never speak to my friend again. I am currently residing in a hostel in the city - my friend hasn’t spoken to me since the fight took place.

It’s impossible to fully explain what has transpired but I will try. My friend and I had a very rocky time leading up to the wedding - Originally I was asked to be MOH and had to step down due to unattainable financial/budgetary expectations as well as having to take a remote northern job during the wedding event planning stage, making me unavailable to assist with that.

My friend assured me that despite this, she wanted me to attend as a bridesmaid. Despite this there continued to be a bit of animosity/very little communication leading up to the wedding.

However my friend repeatedly assured me that she wanted me to attend the wedding - even when I gently suggested it might not be appropriate just given how we’ve grown apart but she insisted - so I went.

Our accommodations in Quito were a shared living space in a large villa with about 14 guests - myself, 1 other female bridesmaid, the bride, groom, and the remainder of the guests consisted of her younger brother and his friends (aged 19/20) as well as the grooms male friends. Also please note that we were all expected to pay all our own expenses - travel, accommodation, transportation, food, wedding attire.
That being said - the whole trip was very costly.

Long story short within about a day it became clear that it was a frat house style living situation with loud parties occurring till 4am and early morning excursions - I just could not keep up. I missed out on an excursion due to being kept up till 4am, then woken up at 7am.

When I stayed back from the excursion that day, although the bride was aware I wasn’t joining she simply left without saying a word to me. I felt there was a lot of tension so I repeatedly asked the bride if we could talk in private and I even offered to rent a room somewhere else so as not to add further tension to the group which she said she fully supports.

The next day we talked and she just blew up at me - saying that I’m selfish, and that she can’t believe I’d want to reside elsewhere (even though from the beginning it was not mandatory for guests to stay at the villa - others were staying elsewhere).

I packed my items and booked myself a room as the situation had gotten gotten much too tense. As I was walking out the bride accosted me in the front foyer and screamed at me in front of everyone to never talk to her again and chased me down the driveway essentially, physically getting into my face etc.

I immediately messaged her to apologize for for upsetting her and asking her to talk in person when we’re calm but she has not responded and the wedding is today.

I don’t know what I did that was so terrible to be kicked out of the wedding - I was polite, positive with the group, joined in as much as I was able to. I really tried to go with the flow but it felt like a “mean girls” situation in that house with everyone treating me a little differently because of my not getting on board to 4am parties.

Was I wrong to have asked the group to be mindful of one another especially late at night? And was I wrong to take this up with the bride, and when that failed find an alternative accommodation for myself?


Again please keep in mind we all are paying good money to live at the villa - the accommodation was not provided to us and if it had been I would have probably tried to bite my tongue more. All I asked the boys who were up partying in a very polite manner was just to try to be mindful of the noise.

I’m now stranded in a foreign country where I don’t speak the language and I don’t know what I did that was so terrible to deserve this!. Help.

Thanks,

-Marta