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Cece
Rockstar November 2023

Bridesmaid kicked out for looking too good

Cece, on January 4, 2022 at 11:46 AM Posted in Community Conversations 0 26

Did you/will you choose dresses to ensure your bridesmaids don't upstage you? And would you remove a bridesmaid for looking too good in her dress??

I recently came across this article (below) about a bridesmaid who was kicked out of a wedding party because the bride thought she looked too good in the BM dress.

https://news.yahoo.com/model-says-she-uninvited-her-121131808.html

This got me wondering… is the old adage true that brides choose bridesmaids dresses that are plain or unflattering to make sure they are not upstaged?? Did you purposely choose BM dresses that would not be “attention grabbing”? Or did you/will you encourage your BMs to shine in whatever dresses make them feel beautiful and confident? Will you purposefully make sure the BM dresses won’t look TOO good on your girls, to ensure they don’t “upstage” you?


26 Comments

Latest activity by Charlene, on February 5, 2023 at 9:13 AM
  • M
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
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    Wowwww haha

    i let my girls choose their own dresses actually. some of them didn't even show me what they chose. some of their dresses actually cost more than mine did haha but it's kind of hard to not stand out when they're all in the same color and you're in white, ya know?

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  • Cece
    Rockstar November 2023
    Cece Online ·
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    I am this type of bride also. I am letting my wedding party choose what they wear (I chose the color though). My main concern is them feeling great in what they are wearing. These are my closest friends and I want them to shine!
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  • E
    Devoted February 2023
    Elycia ·
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    If my bridesmaids look better than me, then good for them. I want nothing more than for them to feel and look absolutely stunning if they have to be in photos and stand up with me in front of a big group of people.

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  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa Online ·
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    I've never really understood why people are worried about their bridesmaids upstaging them. I think the bride will always stand out just because she's the bride. For my wedding, I want my bridesmaids (who are my closest friends) to look and feel beautiful! They picked their own dresses in the color I specified (which they gave me input ahead of time on colors they prefer to not wear). I couldn't imagine asking my best friends to wear something that was purposefully unflattering or not their style. I also couldn't imagine kicking someone out of my wedding party because of how beautiful they looked in their dress.
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  • KYLIE
    Super May 2019
    KYLIE ·
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    It’s an insane concept. I chose dresses (and let my girls choose from among a selection) that I thought were beautiful and would make my girls feel comfortable with a variety of necklines, backs and skirts.
    That bridesmaid dress is totally OTT. Of course the bridesmaids are going to stand out in it. It makes me wonder what the bride wore!
    But no, I’ve literally never met anyone who purposefully chose dresses that made their closest friends and family look/feel plain.
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  • Cece
    Rockstar November 2023
    Cece Online ·
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    tenor.gif

    Love a confident bride!!
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  • Cece
    Rockstar November 2023
    Cece Online ·
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    Agreed! I think if someone is so insecure that they have to purposely sabotage their closest friends, then they probably just shouldn’t have a wedding party- that ensures you are in the spotlight and there’s no one to “compete” with.
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  • Cece
    Rockstar November 2023
    Cece Online ·
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    Oooooo I didn’t even think about what the bride wore! You have me curious now too!
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  • B
    VIP July 2017
    Becky ·
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    This. I just don't understand people who want their nearest and dearest to look bad/plain for their wedding. I also picked a bunch of dresses and had my BMs pick their own. They were all comfortable and relaxed and look great in the pictures - which didn't detract at all from me.

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  • Jessi
    Super October 2022
    Jessi ·
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    Yeah, I don't understand this at all. Many of my bridesmaids are girls who I would definitely say are prettier than I am, but I'm still letting them choose their style of dress so they feel good and confident on that day. I've felt uncomfortable in a bridesmaid dress and it's no fun worrying about your dress on top of everything else that takes place during the day. Like I'll be the one in white, I feel like it's very hard to upstage a bride at a wedding and you should want your friends to be comfortable.

    I did choose the color for my girls, I feel like that's a common enough thing in weddings that I don't feel bad about asking them to keep with our color palette. My fiancé's sister mentioned in private to her mom that she didn't feel like the color suited her, then MIL told me. I don't think hi sister actually wanted me to know because she's not the type of person to complain and she hasn't mentioned it to me. Even just knowing how she felt I tried to convince my fiancé to have her stand on his side so she could wear a color that might be more flattering and my brother could stand on mine since I knew the color I picked would look good on him. Fiancé gave a hard no on that one, but I really did try to make her more comfortable with what we're working with here.

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  • Rosie
    Master February 2022
    Rosie ·
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    That article is wild! I mean... real talk, beauty is subjective. There is no way that everyone at our wedding is going to think I am the most attractive woman there. That's not how the world works, and that's perfectly ok! As long as my husband looks at me as though I'm the most attractive woman there, that's all that really matters to me!

    I wanted my girls to be comfortable and look and feel their best. I would have been happy for them to go for tighter, more 'look at me' dresses than what we chose if they'd wanted but my sister was planning on potentially getting pregnant, so I had to choose dresses that would easily hide/accommodate that. They are not stereotypical bridesmaid dresses, but I think they're really pretty, and hopefully no one thinks I chose them to be ugly on purpose, although I get they might not be to everyone's taste.

    I do think as well, that there is absolutely no way, really, for even the most beautiful bridesmaid to upstage the bride. This article is interesting, it's a bunch of celebrities as bridesmaids, and you can clearly tell who the bride is, and she's never upstaged - one woman in there had multiple super models as her bridesmaids, even!

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  • L
    Dedicated January 2026
    Ladyray ·
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    Absolutely me. 100 percent!


    And honestly, if the bride and groom’s respective wedding parties are supposed to be close to you whether by family relations or friends, you usually know what to expect (behavior & sometimes style/color preferences) before you ask them to be a part of everything too. I think that’s why you should always be certain that who you choose to stand with you will be able to stand by yours & your partner’s personal wants for the celebration.
    However, I totally get if you don’t want to wear a certain color or feel something is too revealing, or stuffy for you (long sleeves or you hate the feeling of lace, et cetera). You want your wedding party to be comfortable and confident because there’s a reason why you asked them to be with you as your support on the day of.
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  • Taylor
    Rockstar October 2022
    Taylor Online ·
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    I’m totally not worried about being upstaged. The only thing I picked for mine was their jewelry. I told them they can wear whatever they want as long as it’s the color I asked and I’m paying for hair and makeup but they can have it done however they want
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  • Sarah
    Super September 2022
    Sarah ·
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    I’m letting my bridesmaids pick out there dresses but they will all be wearing the color cinnamon from David’s bridal ! I’m not worried about not standing out because my dress is GORGEOUS ... Also I want my bridesmaids to look and feel beautiful too!
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  • Christy
    Devoted April 2022
    Christy ·
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    My MOH is beautiful. She was beautiful when I met her. She was beautiful when I asked her to be my MOH. And I expect her to be even more beautiful when she’s dressed to the nines. The same goes for my other bridesmaids…although I totally expect to be upstaged by my daughters (9 & 13) who are also bridesmaids 😊 I am confident though that the only person that matters will think I’m the most beautiful person in the room.
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  • Kris
    Expert July 2021
    Kris ·
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    I let my girls pick their dresses. I wanted them to feel beautiful!

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  • Gomez
    Savvy April 2022
    Gomez ·
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    One of mine actually returned her original dress from David’s bridal and got another one from online that wasn’t even the correct color and she was the one to take herself out when I told her that dress wasn’t appropriate due to it being the wrong color. It was supposed to be a soft pink and she changed it for a brick red. But I let everyone put on their own dress in the color I specified. I just asked for it to be appropriate since it’s a church wedding. It should be too complicated.
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  • Gomez
    Savvy April 2022
    Gomez ·
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    I mean “it shouldn’t be too complicated”
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    This is a common concept. It’s why bridesmaid dresses are largely unflattering. Hair/makeup vendors say they don’t spend any time on bridesmaids. Bridesmaids are told to dye their hair natural and remove all tattoos/piercings. It perpetuates the mean girls beauty contest from grade school and high school. That isn’t how you treat ladies who should be your bestest friends.


    Not terribly long ago, there was a post circulating on Reddit about a 10+ page bridesmaid contract that was completely over the top with body modification, no one was allowed to change their body or looks in any way that didn’t meet the bride’s approval to specifically look less pretty than her. If they didn’t agree with anything, then the friendship was over. That is overkill and drama queen territory.
    There’s even ads on tv now for try at home tuxes where the actress playing the bride throws a tantrum at the narrator for suggesting that the groom is supposed to be equally attractive to her. It’s not a good look on anyone to have that much vanity. It’s “expected” behavior from celebrities who don’t see themselves as equal to anyone but for the average bride it makes her be the type of person you don’t want to associate with.
    My maid of honor is my sister who I think is stunningly gorgeous, and prettier than me but I’m ok with that. All my bridesmaids are beautiful but there aren’t any beauty or popularity contests in our circles so that isn’t even an issue for us.
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  • Cece
    Rockstar November 2023
    Cece Online ·
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    Love this! I am doing the same. There are absolutely zero stipulations on what our wedding party wears, other than the color. I will be paying for my BM‘s HMU also, and allowing them to choose any style they want for their hair and make up. My main goal is to make them feel beautiful and confident. And of course we want the men to feel comfortable and confident as well (they will also choose their own attire and hairstyles).
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